My close friend wedding

ChamomileMist · 2023-08-07T19:34:15+00:00

Applied 'Off Topic' flair. I don't see the harm in keeping this up but I'll remove it if conversation derails.

Deliaallmylife · 2023-08-07T11:59:28+00:00

You have the choice to not participate. IMO the job of the bridesmaids is to do whatever the bride wants, preferably without complaint. So if you don't like this girl enough to wear a wig then decline to be in the wedding.

But it has the potential to sour your friendship. And honestly, if she is truly a close friend then it's a touch selfish to say no exclusively because you are worried about how you look.

yung_ting · 2023-08-07T16:53:31+00:00

Bias as I wear different style wigs daily

I think you're making an unnecessary big deal

A wig sounds much more pleasant than having to sit in the hairdresser seat for hours

Having some elaborate up do done, or hair curled, or straightened & damaging your locks

I think you should embrace the wig or decline being a part of the wedding party

You might surprise yourself & have fun in your dress up costume

If this is your friend & it will mean a lot to her I'd just suck it up, as it's only one day

You can tease your friend that she owes you favours because you wore that wig for her!

It could become a funny story you guys tell one day

If you lose this friendship over a wig you might end up regretting that one day

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-08-07T19:07:13+00:00

Well, she ain't that close a friend if you would refuse to be a bridesmaid in her wedding over a... non-permanent hairstyle request. I've never dyed my hair in my life and have a gut "don't believe in it" reaction, but if a close crazy artsy friend wanted the wedding party to temp-die their hair blue or use hair pieces or whatever for a wedding or wanted a "scene kids" 2009 throwback look for some theme (which I loathe), I'd do it, even if I philosophically object to all those options as a general rule. Your objection to black women feeling like their natural hair is less-than and wanting to push back against expectations of HAVING to use wigs to look "good enough" is completely reasonable, even admirable, but this is a party. No reason to be legalistic about rules-of-thumb. It's a special event and you're honoring an aesthetic request for someone who's arranging for what will probably be the most cherished photos of her life, and just wants to include you because you're special to her.

That said, at least in the US it's traditional for the bride to pay for hair and makeup and the maids of honor to pay for the dress and bachelorette, so if price is an issue privately mentioning you're over budget at this point is perfectly appropriate.

I also notice you also haven't said anything about her response when you asked her if you could do a natural hairstyle instead of a wig, which makes me think you haven't even asked. Maybe she doesn't even care that much about the hairstyle and was just issuing guidelines. Time to actually COMMUNICATE. (Obviously don't make some speech about why you prefer natural to wigs, this isn't the time or place! Just ask if you can do a wrap or braids or something that's not a wig.)

If this is indicative of a much larger trend (piling on expenses, a long list of inconveniences, etc.) then sure, you may have to demote yourself to guest with some polite excuse about personal commitments. But in and of itself I'd roll my eyes so bad if I found out a supposed "close friend" refused to be part of a bridal party over hair. Budget, sure. An ever-widening list of demands, sure. Personal life happenings, sure. But just because they hated the requested hairstyle? That's petty.

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2023-08-07T13:30:17+00:00

If you don’t mind me asking… why don’t you believe in wearing wigs? Is it truly just “not your style”, or is there a deeper meaning behind it?

teachtao · 2023-08-07T23:19:12+00:00

I could be mistaken but isn't the whole point for the bride to make the bridesmaids look worse than her? I've always seen these traditions as a loyalty test, which could be wrong but worth considering whether you choose to participate or not, which is completely your right to choose either way.

AutoModerator · 2023-08-07T11:52:55+00:00

Title: My close friend wedding

Full text: My close friend is getting married but she wants us all to buy bob wigs and that's just not my style. I don't believe in wearing wigs. I'll wear braids but that's it if it's not a head wrap or my natural hair. Am I wrong for just not wanting to be apart if that's a requirement.

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foxesgloves · 2023-08-07T19:39:15+00:00

I understand it’s only a temporary style, but if you don’t wear wigs regularly and it’s not a style you would wear then it feels like a waste to purchase one. I’m not sure if there’s any resale value on them. Wigs that look good are expensive and it’s a time of high living costs. It’s one thing to pay out for a dress you won’t wear again but also a wig you won’t wear again?

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being graceful about declining to be a bridesmaid if it really crosses a line for you. You could explain it’s a principled belief you have or you could blame money for the reason you don’t want to participate. There are graceful ways to step down but to continue being friends and attend the event as a guest.

I will add I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with a bride wanting a particular look for her day, but I equally think there’s nothing wrong with you choosing not to participate if you don’t want to be a part of that look. Your not a photo prop your a friend. I would be considerate in how I expressed to her that I can no longer be a bridesmaid and that I wish to step down and attend as a guest instead

Title	My close friend wedding
Author	Darksnickerss
Upvotes	1
Comments	17
Date	August 7, 2023 11:52 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15kijbz/my_close_friend_wedding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-close-friend-wedding.1227739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227739

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