Need marriage advice

MsSadieDunham · 2017-05-24T17:19:46+00:00

No you do not stay with your husband. He cheats on you, plays mind games with you and does not respect you. He's also putting you in danger by having unprotected sex with other women. File for divorce. Get a lawyer. Keep any and all proof you have of him cheating on you.

I think the last thing you need to think about right now is another relationship. Give yourself 6-12 months.

Spazzy19 · 2017-05-24T18:36:12+00:00

Leave whether you're pregnant or not. For whatever reason he's gone off the deep end and it's not a healthy baby anymore. He has zero respect for you, and you are not respecting yourself trying to stick around taking his abuse.

Cardiscappa · 2017-05-24T16:11:32+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through the miscarriage.

With the papers you signed, is there anything written that you (financially) helped him through his schooling? If not, put that in there as I believe you should be owed.

I'd suggest that outside of court appearances for the divorce, you cut all contact. If he tells you about the super! awesome!!1! lays! he's getting, I'd say "that's nice" and leave it at that. Have his phone number go to voice mail; put the ring tone to silent, set your phone on Do Not Disturb each night. Do NOT tell him anything about your life. From what's written, he seems like a beta mouth breather and is not worth your time.

krautkid · 2017-05-24T18:36:52+00:00

You say as a precursor at the start that he's a 'great man and provider' but nothing about this situation screams either of those things.

Why are you wasting your child bearing years on a man who isn't faithful, who insults you and disrespect you, clearly doesn't love or deserve you nor cannot stop lying to you. What part of this sounds like something a respectful man would EVER do? I'm sorry to be rude but I cannot stand people who make excuses for others and consider them 'good' when their behaviour says otherwise. Your husband sounds like he initiated this separation and divorce and is now living the high life sleeping with younger women while simultaneously getting to play an emotional drama with you and fulfilling his narcissistic need to be wanted.

Get out. Doesn't matter if you 'might' be pregnant which you should definitely confirm as yes or no and be done with this man. You are playing into his hands and causing yourself more heartache. I'm sorry for your loss, though. Nobody deserves the sadness of loosing a baby.

kekerae · 2017-05-24T19:48:02+00:00

The part that really stood out to me was the sex with underage girls. He could end up with a criminal record and on a sex offenders list any day now and that type of man is a far cry from a captain.

coluorred · 2017-05-24T16:04:37+00:00

Signed divorce papers are not a stable environment for a child and neither is some other guy on the re-bound from a divorce.

RubyWooToo · 2017-05-24T20:36:58+00:00

Get that divorce as quickly as you can. You don't have the luxury of taking your time to make a decision or stupidly deciding to give him another chance, because he's potentially knocked up someone else and could end up in jail any day now. You could lose money and assets to which you are legally entitled to child support and/or his criminal defense.

Also, I'm sorry to say this, but you need to go into nun mode and fix your people-picker before getting into a relationship and having kids with someone else. Your self-esteem is in the gutter and you'll be attracted to anyone who treats you with the slightest amount of kindness and tells you what you want to hear. You made an egregious error in judgment when you married your husband, which was understandable at 16, but now that you're a grown-ass woman you can't afford to make anymore foolish and reckless choices. And personally, I think that a man who is sleeping with and discussing having children with a woman who is still technically married (and on the fence about whether to divorce) is a bad choice.

Wissenschaft85 · 2017-05-24T23:20:36+00:00

"The reason this is confusing is because my husband is constantly telling me about his dates and fucking underage girls."

Ewwww, thats kind of crazy to admit to. Its also a crime. Also sounds like hes lying just to hurt you. That makes him cruel and vile.

"husband doesn't want the life I have to offer, would rather bang sluts."

Hes stupid. Leave him. This man was using you and will continue to do so as long as you allow him. Leave him.

Take a 6 month or more break from any relationships to recover emotionally.

As for the child, I always say its up the the women to decide but I'd strongly suggest adoption if you feel you can't emotionally handle a child from that man.

wonderlandtrip · 2017-05-24T21:02:39+00:00

Sorry to hear you're going through all this. You open this post stating how great he is, but I just don't see it. He wasn't supportive when you got pregnant, he wasn't supportive when you told him about your marital issues, and he seems to think that telling you about his sexual escapades is acceptable.

Maybe he's wanting to party it up with young girls now because you two got married so young. I feel sorry for whoever he ends up with, though, because it sounds like he's got a lot of growing up to do.

Take care of yourself. It's sad when long term relationships don't work out, but it's even more sad to drag it out and put up with bullshit from your partner. It's not worth the heartache. It sounds like there's nothing else you can do in this scenario but walk.

Waterboo2 · 2017-05-25T01:35:40+00:00

If he is an unattractive man and reading trp, it is very likely he is lying about fucking women and is enacting "dread game", where you purposely try to make your partner fearful and jealous to maintain control. I would not be surprised if these women didn't exist, or if they do, they are probably older and a lot less attractive than he says. Or maybe he is not lying, but he is paying these women for sex.

sekoiasan · 2017-05-25T07:58:36+00:00

I agree with the others that you should leave this man ASAP.

So many things are confusing in your situation.

Why are you separated but tried once more to have a kid?
You cannot stress how great this man is, yet through his actions (that you've retold), I've not yet found one redeeming quality. I understand it is hard not to be affected by how long you've been with him. Try as much as possible to look at your situation objectively. What makes you want to stay with him? How does he add value to your life?
HOW does he talk to you about his affairs so casually??

rnDPrc · 2017-05-25T00:58:37+00:00

sounds like he's been banging the same chick for too long. I went through that on my last relationship (im a guy). The options you have are quit or open the relationship. A lot of guys get bored of hanging with the same chick for too long, even if she's amazing (my girl was great). Him telling you about dates means he wants to spark that initial sexual interest again (if not he would just bang chicks on the side and not tell you about them). Whether he is lying or not doesn't matter, really. Just open the relationship and bang other dudes, it will make him jealous and value you more, and he will bang other chicks too, or you can divorce. If he doesn't accept an open relationship after all this then run as fast as you can

westtexasandme1977 · 2017-05-25T16:02:08+00:00

I'm a long time lurker. It's time for me to post and play devils advocate. From what I can tell from your post, it appears you initiated the separation and already found this new man. You list a great deal of positive qualities about your husband, and you said the potential of divorce gave him motivation to work on himself. If he is reading TRP, I have to doubt he is having sex with underage women as he would understand the ramifications, at least I would hope.

To me it sounds like your husband may be preparing for life without you, but may be hoping to work things out. You said that your more like an 8 and he is a three, which is doubtful. What most likely happened is that yours and his SMV were very close when you first were married and then he got lazy or was too busy. To me, it seems that you were done with him because his SMV fell and now that he is improving (if he is reading TRP, I guarantee he is exercising and working on other aspects of himself) and his SMV is rising. There are a few choices here. If he is truly as terrible as you say, then I would advise leaving him. However, the truth is normally in the middle. There is a possibility that this experience gave him the motivation to be the man you wanted. Did he know of TRP before? If not, then he is most likely working on himself for the marriage or to get out of it. Is he a natural alpha? If he has known about TRP for a while, then things may get interesting.

View it from his perspective: His wife has another man and she left him (assuming he knows of the other man, since he told you about others women). His SMV is going to skyrocket as he has (from what you have said) a very bright future, he is also working out and improving his ability to get with other women. If you are seeing someone else, then he feels justified in pursuing other women. There is a very real possibility that he may replace you like you have him as there may be another girl who is younger, as or more attractive than yourself, and be willing to do anything he wants.From the picture you paint, he is a very intelligent person which makes him even more dangerous when dealing with women who are most likely far less intelligent than him as he can run circles around them. You said that he made the perfect wife, you may have made a very effective women slayer whose SMV increased dramatically with his efforts. This is if he does not falter.

I believe there are really two choices here. The first is to let him keep improving and see if he can become the man you want or need as it appears he has a great deal of things locked down that are good qualities in a husband and is working on the others. So at the end you would have a high SMV man who you have a long history with and you both win. The second choice is to leave him and move on. The danger with the first is that if you withdraw like you depict, he will find sex elsewhere or view his efforts as not worth it and find someone else.The danger with the second choice is that your new partner does not work out and you may regret leaving your husband after he changes. If the full story is true, I would follow the advice of the other posters here. If I think of anything else, I will edit my post.

Rivkariver · 2017-05-27T16:37:28+00:00

I skimmed this and when I saw that he's sleeping with underage girls that was enough. Get. Out!!!!

bonnieoshit · 2017-05-24T22:44:24+00:00

That man is not your captain. Do not have sex with him. Real captains do not play games with your mind or health.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-05-28T23:34:54+00:00

First of all don't beat yourself up about having a miscarriage. I can't stress enough how normal miscarriages are from time to time. Although it's upsetting when it happens it's a very real possibility every time you get pregnant, especially with the reality of early pregnancy testing. 50 years ago you wouldn't have known about it, you would have just thought your period was late. As disappointing as they are, having an early miscarriage is a normal and even healthy part of womanhood. Usually when a woman miscarries there is a fault with the embryo at it's early stages so it stops developing and the body expels it.

For the love of God do not go back to your husband. He sounds like a nasty bully and you will never be happy with him. I would say give this new relationship a chance and see where it goes.

Firework55 · 2017-05-24T16:16:11+00:00

If I were you I'd seriously consider getting an abortion. It's your choice of course , but you don't want to be dealing with this man for 18+ years and you're also risking being a single mother which is no easy task . You married at 16, you have barely lived. Bringing a child into this situation would be a selfish mistake you couldn't just take back ... just think , would you want to deal with custody disputes with your ex, your child leaving to spend time with your ex and his as you refer to them , "sluts"?

Title	Need marriage advice
Author	alla1one
Upvotes	4
Comments	64
Date	May 24, 2017 3:44 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6d2y2h/need_marriage_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/need-marriage-advice.72855 https://theredarchive.com/post/72855

Comments