My fiance is in Chicago to visit his parents; I couldn't go with him because of work. Since he got there we've talked twice on the phone and both times he made it very brief and rescheduled the phone call, citing plans he had made.

This evening was the second phone call; he turned the phone camera toward his family and let them do the talking, only cutting things short to retreat to his room, say 'I miss & love you' briefly, and then hang up. He promised, sounding guilty, that we could chat on the phone while he drove back.

That's not for two more days.

He's been cold and distant before, like we are just a formality. He's not gay, he's not after money, and I'm not rich.

I've read excerpts from "First Kill all the Marriage Counselors" and am learning to let him have slack, and decide things, and not critique him. Also learning to thank him for little gifts and for his phone calls. I damaged our relationship before by nagging and making demands.

His actions lack warmth and desire. I'll try Laura Doyle's intimacy skills for the next two weeks and see if he would like to reach out, respond, and bond. If he's distant and seems ulterior after that, I'll move on.

While we were on the phone today, I mentioned that a close family member had just gotten engaged and that a second one just graduated high school. He didn't have a response of "congrats!", just let his parents field it. I was happy to hear from him despite him waiting hours past when he was gonna call, and thanked him for calling; he didn't seem happy. When he said he needed to go right away, it made me wince.