Not sure what I'm doing

Disappear_vanish · 2015-09-19T17:05:27+00:00

Wait longer!

Your instinct is telling you something is off, something is fishy. If you give it up you dont get it back. You are holding off having sex because you know it's so valuable, valuable enough for absolute certainty. The whole point of you waiting to have sex is to be sure and you arent sure. So don't do it.

I seriously, seriously recommend you hold off until you know, otherwise why have the standard of waiting for sex? Yes, eventually you will have to trust him or not trust him, but don't ignore your gut instinct and force yourself to bridge the trust gap artificially by assuaging your own doubt without VERY GOOD reason from him. Dont just believe what he says. His manner, his body language, his actions, his circumstances, the whole picture will give you some scope of perspective in which you make the call.

That's the whole point. Right now it's a bit tricky, you're not sure it's solid, you've got good reason to not totally trust his intentions, and yes, it's difficult, but THESE are the situations where you hold your standard and hold out until you are SURE. You may want to have sex with him, but logically, he's not meeting your standard of trust so don't obey the urgency of emotion or the pressure and expectation you feel from him.

A gut feeling is not the same as the hamster wheel rationalizing. It's not the washy washy emotional roller coaster. It's that pit in your stomach that warns you something is off. Listen to it.

There was a thread a while ago when the married women here were asked "How did you know he was "The One?" And almost everyone included "you just know" or "a sort of gut feeling" or some other parallel. It is important.

meganstoocute · 2015-09-19T15:32:28+00:00

I agree with u/cats_or_get_out.

I think the best way to gauge this relationship is to go out to dinner, or on a walk, and talk to him about sex. Talk about whether or not you're on birth control or you're gonna use condoms, talk about what would happen if you get pregnant, ask about past history of stds. If the talk goes well, and isn't terribly awkward and you feel you can talk freely with him about it, then he is ready. If he doesn't, then he just wanted to fuck you.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-09-19T14:54:43+00:00

How long have you been dating? What are your life plans? What will you do if you get accidentally pregnant?

These are important considerations.

I think another thing to consider is the impact of sex-too-soon. When you start having sex, it jumpstarts a relationship into the next territory. Part of why waiting is good is that you can let the relationship be rooted in something more substantial than sex.

Just be aware that if you choose to go to the next level, that it's a choice you made. He might be the real deal. He might think you're a plate. I don't know. Proceed with caution.

Washiface · 2015-09-19T22:19:37+00:00

Wait a bit longer and see if he acts committed not talks committed. Guys will really jump through hoops and say anything to get sex if they really want it. A guy used to take me out for meals a few times a week and stay over and not have sex with me, just kiss. I thought wow he really wants a relationship with me - NOPE, he was two timing me with my cousin (God knows how many other girls) and the whole time he was just taking a time out from a girl he wanted to LTR. He just wanted sex and was willing to put a lot of investment into it.

Even if you do sleep with this guy, there is a chance you will break up after.

You sound like a smart girl, smarter than me anyway. I am easily fooled sometimes.

viriXXus · 2015-09-19T18:19:10+00:00

Commitment isn't as much of someone's word as it is their actions. So when he says he's committed, you may trust that as long as he's been showing it through his actions and it's been consistent, etc. If you feel like there's not enough evidence, then he hasn't shown that he's committed to you. It all boils down to who you think he is as a person and whether you think his actions have shown enough commitment for you. In situations like these, being too trusting or being too untrusting are both bad in their own ways.

Plus, i feel that giving it up just due to him saying it will lead to a lack of respect for you anyway, if he knows he hasn't shown much commitment but says that anyway and then you give it to him. You'll just come off as one of those "I'm not like that" then jump into bed the same night kind of girls.

miss-carried · 2015-09-19T16:33:58+00:00

If you have doubts, I'd say wait a little while - like maybe a few more weeks. If you're even seeing him only twice a week, that's six more dates ... and it will tell you a lot about his intentions and his investment in the relationship. Also, you will undoubtedly learn more about his female friends and whether they should be a concern.

In my experience (both personally and with friends), doubts can either be correct or incorrect at this stage. I have known women in your position where everything worked out fine, but I have also known some who really regretted sleeping with someone they were 90% sure about. A few weeks or so should clear everything up for you though :)

CisWhiteMaelstrom · 2015-09-20T00:44:30+00:00

I'm doing that with a chick right now. I just started law school and it's hard work. I don't have time to win over plates and don't really want to commit. I told a chick I'm down to commit but really I don't give a fuck and it's more that I'm content having only one plate. Unless he browses TRP, I doubt he's thought it through like I have but I doubt we invented the dynamic.

Ask yourself some key questions. What's the physical manifestation of his commitment? Has he been telling all his friends and family about his swell new girlfriend? Are they excited to meet you? Has his family been asking about you? Do you keep shit at his place? Does he invite you to tag along pointlessly with errands like grocery shopping? Do you go on dates like breakfast that couldn't possibly end in sex? Is he genuinely curious about all your friends and family?

Idk how long you've been together or what so idk how much of that you'd expect to have happened by now, but the answer to all these questions for my chick is no.

cxj · 2015-09-20T07:09:20+00:00

On one hand, you don't want to have sex too fast and be perceived as a slut, but on the other hand, if you make an attractive guy with options wait too long, he is likely to move on. Any attractive guy in his early 20s can get sex up front from girls, and almost certainly has bros telling him "bro why are you waiting on this bish? Hit up all the others instead!"

The modern SMP is dangerously volatile for this reason. From both sides, its a lot like flicking a quarter across a table, with the goal to get the quarter just over the edge without falling off.

Title	Not sure what I'm doing
Author	rpwnewbie
Upvotes	10
Comments	38
Date	September 19, 2015 2:11 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3lk46n/not_sure_what_im_doing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/not-sure-what-im-doing.85614 https://theredarchive.com/post/85614

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