Seeking Insight/A Rant

rivertorain · 2017-02-02T16:08:10+00:00

Honestly, I read your post and my initial reaction was to roll my eyes. I'm guilty of this myself, playing the victim card, but at some point, you are really going to have to look at your life and start to process that everything is in your power to change it. What you have right now is on you, this is your responsibility.

I shouldn't have to tell you of how incredibly blessed you are to be able to get an education at all, so please, do take a moment to get some perspective. I don't believe that you wouldn't have learned anything at your school. While your classes may not translate to a job or high salary just yet, education absolutely shapes your ability to critically think, to analyze, and to exercise self-discipline. I know you are suffering right now but these are very valuable skills to learn and they will help you. Does your school offer internship opportunities? Networking events? Any leads into a full-time job that is relevant to what you are studying?

people are probably going to comment just leave my SO for someone with more money.

This is insane and I don't believe this is what anyone would be prescribing in RPW. Being a SAHM is a privilege, not a right. And it's certainly not up to your boyfriend to pay your way through life. You are young, educated, and with divorce rates as they are, I would strongly recommend you consider how you can manage your own personal finances, independent from your boyfriend.

I don't want to be stuck in an office all day

It seems that you want the benefits of a high salary but you are not prepared or even open to doing the work to get there. You don't need to go to grad school or go further into debt. You need to take one of the entry level jobs and work really hard at it for 2 years. Then jump ship to the next job where you will ask for at least a 20% raise. Then you keep repeating this process. Watch your expenses and save a little of every paycheck.

Having a career and being financially independent is not unattractive to men. The problem is that a lot of women who prioritize their careers, do so by prioritizing it over their SO/family. Also, "career women", tend to sacrifice their femininity. As long as you keep these things in order, stay the pleasant goddess that you are, any guy would be absolutely thrilled to have a financially savvy girlfriend. You don't need to be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company and that savings account is going to come in handy for when you are actually ready to have children.

I have so, so many girlfriends who are struggling to make ends meet and I always give them the same advice. Get a job in IT. There are plenty of jobs available that don't require any IT/Comp Sci background, like in marketing departments, customer support, social media, etc. You will never have to worry about finding work again.

onacasserole · 2017-02-02T18:19:11+00:00

You need to learn way more about frugality and personal finance. Your vision of how much money you need is way off base. Most people who have money issues don't actually need more money...they need more information about managing money.
You need to stop comparing your life to people who already put in the grunt work. Also, you don't need to go to grad school to make money. Everyone starts as entry level. Neither my husband or I have beyond a bachelor's degree and we make a great living.
You need a serious gratitude injection.

I'm a housewife. I go on fancy international trips with my husband and live in a pretty kickass apartment in an exciting city. I have the life you want (minus the kids, just don't personally want them). The big difference is that I'm 31 and my husband is 35. You can't compare your life to mine because I'm a lot older than you are, and I've been through the dirt poor newlywed phase already.

At age 21 I graduated from college with a marketing degree and couldn't find a professional job, so I worked as a waitress. Both my husband and I worked 7 days a week for minimum wage for 2 years. Literally, neither one of us had a single day off. We didn't go on a vacation of any kind for the first 6 years we were together. We started our careers during the biggest economic downturn since the great depression, so you can't say our success is due to being baby boomers or anything like that.

Eventually (about two years out of school) I got a job as a receptionist, like you said it's a job I could have done with no degree, but the truth is with no degree I wouldn't have even gotten an interview. That little piece of paper matters a lot more than you think it does, just ask someone without one. I worked my way up at that company doing jobs I hated, and within four years I had doubled my salary. My husband did essentially the same thing, but his field is more lucrative so he started making a lot more than I did. We both worked to put him through school and during that time we lived below the poverty line while he worked full time and went to school full time (for about 4 years total). He graduated with no debt and to this day we have no debt.

I was not happy working full time in an office so I started to build up a freelance business at night, this was in my late 20s. This means I worked full time during the day then did jobs at night at home. Within a year I had enough work to quit my job and work from home instead. I did that for a couple of years, and at that point my husband basically said if I wanted to stop altogether I could because we didn't need my additional income.

My life is admittedly very luxurious and privileged, but it took us over a decade to get here, a ton of hard work, no weekends/entertainment, and living on a shoestring budget. Part of why I'm able to stay home and part of how we're able to afford trips and things is our level of frugality. We save a huge portion of our income and always have. We lived with roommates into our mid-late 20s. Basically we worked like crazy people, and while I am certainly not complaining about being a housewife, I spend a huge part of every day doing things that save us money...we don't outsource anything. I still take on a few paid jobs each year just in case we would ever need my income again.

I also feel I learned very little in undergrad, my husband feels that way too even though he majored in a STEM degree. Being financially successful has more to do with being a super hard worker (who can get along with lots of types of people), being someone who can teach themselves how to do things, and managing money than name brand colleges/degrees. If you want the end product you have to put in the work to get there, your expectations are unreasonable.

We did go from minimum wage to high earners, and in another ten years we'll be what most people call wealthy. The American dream isn't dead, it's the American work ethic that's dead.

MsSadieDunham · 2017-02-02T17:19:26+00:00

I understand what you mean. My husband and I groan about the college lie we bought into too. I dropped out before I got too heavily in debt, he finished. You can still stay home, but life won't be an instagram album or a mom blog. Living on one salary looks like driving 15 year old cars, the very occasional dinner out, and finding good deals secondhand. My family chooses to live debt free so we don't use credit cards or take out loans for anything. Are things perfect? No. Do I want things? Of course. But I want to be the one who raises my children more. I'm glad I don't have a car payment that I have to go to work to pay. But that means I'm stuck loading my kids into the two door I bought when I was 19 until we have enough saved to buy a bigger car.

BanachTarskiParadox · 2017-02-02T17:18:11+00:00

Getting middle class work is the norm for people fresh out of college. Entry level jobs are pretty much by definition meant for new grads. And trust me, it's a hell of a lot harder than you think to get anything reasonable without a college degree (had to leave my ultra-prestigious college for medical reasons. I have a very idea of what could have been and what is. On the other hand, a lot of the jobs my classmates got were mad stressful, which is kind of not ideal when trying to keep an autoimmune under control).

If being a SAHM eventually is super important to you, you still don't need to be with a super wealthy man. Rather, you need to live somewhere affordable and get good at frugality. I've known families where he makes under 50k and she stays at home with the kids. It can work. The families in question are happy with the lifestyle.

There's also a lot of ways to make money without sitting in an office if you hate it so much. I personally kind of love working in an office, but neither of my siblings can stand it. My brother is a professional poker player. He makes six figures every year and is looking to get more into entrepreneurship and investing. My sister is a teacher and might end up doing science writing. None of those jobs are for everyone, but my point is that you can create or pursue unconventional opportunities.

If your only issue with leaving your SO for someone with more money is that it probably wouldn't work, it sounds like you're already having relationship problems that you need to resolve.

charlotteplusplus · 2017-02-02T16:53:48+00:00

Why do you care? Love is the best success. Money gains you freedom, but you are in your 20s. It will come your way!

justanotherusername4 · 2017-02-02T19:09:44+00:00

In this day and age education can cost you dearly but learning does not. Make a list of skills you feel you need, then learn them. You have the entire internet as a resource.

If you are worried you can't make enough money to support a family, be more frugal, downsize and/or move to a cheaper location.

But maybe getting by isn't the problem, but being your version of "successful" (whatever that may be) is.

Stayathomemommy911 · 2017-02-02T23:44:54+00:00

You are possibly going to have to make sacrifices in order to be a sahm if that is your first priority. Living in a trailer park is way cheaper than a city apartment or buying a home. Buying yours and your kids clothes in a thrift store, hand me downs, learning to cook with cheap ingredients such as potatoes and legumes, growing your own vegetables, keeping your own hens, doing laundry by hand, forsaking things like hair appointments and manicures and expensive makeup and jewelry. The point is it's possible if you don't care too much about having a materialistic lifestyle. You can live on one basic income. However if you want to stay glam, and you want to have nice fancy things you are going to need two incomes.

NoFaceNoPlace · 2017-02-02T16:30:24+00:00

No one here is going to be able to help you with your MDD. You should be seeing either a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist who works in tandem with your Primary Physician to make sure you are receiving the correct psychopharmacological and psychotherapy treatment for your condition. Redpill/Bluepill/Feminism/Conservitivism/Any theory you want to subscribe to, are not going to assist the treatment of your MDD. Your feelings of resentment and inability to contribute to society could be linked to your MDD. It is important to discuss these issues with the professional managing your treatment.

I also have an expensive, doctoral-level education, except I was smart enough to make sure it was paid for through scholarships from the institutions I attended. The amount not covered by scholarships was so low, that I was able to pay for the rest by working in college and some support from my parents. Even if I had taken out student loans, they would have been so minor I could have paid them off with an entry level position in less than 5 years. Your decision rack up copious amounts of student debt, is your fault and your fault alone. No one forced you to attend the school you did, and receive an education you cannot pay for. It was clear ~5 years ago when you entered college that the job market for new graduates in all fields (minus nursing, some STEM fields, etc.) was competitive and that many recent graduate where taking jobs they were "over qualified" for. But, instead of going to a school that could have offered you a free education, you chose to pay for "the best." I can understand your frustration, but your frustration should be mainly aimed at yourself and not the system.

Again, I went to one of the most liberal public institutions in the United States. I was typically the only conservative in any given class, and there were times where I was probably the only conservative in one of my programs. One of the main reasons I choose the institution I did for my doctorate, was that it was a more conservative leaning institution. But, I have never regretted by decision to attend a liberal university. You know why? Because it actually solidified by conservative beliefs. I was in no way damaged or harmed by receiving a liberal education, because I was able to supplement it with my own research and exploration on the topics I was covering. I was also never afraid to voice my opinion, even if it was not kindly received, because I never feared failing a class.

I do not believe anyone here is going to advocate for you to become a gold-digger. In fact, the aspects of your personality that come across in this post suggest you wouldn't even be a very successful gold-digger. Most women who are stay at home mothers do not do it without sacrifice. In fact, most stay at home mothers are from low to middle class families. It is not the glamorous life you see on television and the movies. Is all you want in a partner money? While financial stability is important, it is not the only thing to consider when entering a committed relationship. Do you want to be a stay at home mother because you feel that it is your true purpose in life and raising children would bring you great joy? Or, because you're lazy and afraid of the "corporate" world (FYI, there are non-corporate jobs...).

If you want to attract a high value, high SMV, high RMV man, then you need to be high value, high SMV, and high RMV yourself. At the present moment, it does not seem that you are. This is probably why you have no access to the men that you desire. I personally, met my husband while working on my doctorate. I went straight through, while he took time in between each of his degrees, which meant that he was slightly older. Dating, and eventually marrying, someone who was older meant that he could offer more stability than men my own age. Additionally, I was viewed as high value to him, because I was committed to my education and my career, was ambitious, and he knew that I was willing to contribute to your financial success as a couple instead of just phoning it in until I could be a stay at home mother. Now, this does not mean that I would never consider being a stay at home mother, if my children truly needed me, then I would fulfill that obligation. But, I doubt my husband would have trusted me to truly be his partner if he knew that I could not provide for myself. This would have given off the appearance that I was only after him for his ability to provide financial security. A man that has a substantial networth, is not looking to share it with someone who will just be a drain on his finances.

NittanyLioness84 · 2017-02-02T20:48:19+00:00

Anyone else in this situation/have solutions besides leaving and finding someone richer?

Join the military if you're able bodied and get commissioned. They will repay some of your student loans and provide you with free healthcare, housing, and food and dependent allowances.

Paid maternity leave!

asteadyheart · 2017-02-03T05:01:27+00:00

I honestly kind of felt like you, when I was 21 years old and fresh out of college. I panicked and wound up going to law school (don't do that, please don't do that, $250k and 3 years of utter misery to make $49,000/year is NOT worth it).

But now? I started as a researcher and writer and now I'm in marketing. I don't know how that happened, but they liked my insight, my persistence, and ability to take criticism (key skills to survive law school), and promoted me.

Now, they're expanding my skills and are talking to me about giving me a raise. The best part is that I get to do all of this while working from home.

Also, they are teaching me things that you can't really learn, without more expensive education. Now I can learn it for free. If they see how eager you are, you're a hard worker, and you can take criticism, you'll find a lot of people out there (no matter what the job might be) are willing to teach you more.

(Also I'm doing this now so I can help my husband build up our nest egg while he does some online (free) courses to help him specialize and find a higher paying job. He told me that he wants me to be able to stay home with our children. Right now, you have to be in this with your husband/SO. You're his partner, not looking for a meal ticket.)

Rickey985 · 2017-02-03T16:45:58+00:00

You ever hear of Aaron clarey (ass hole consulting) it'll answer a lot of questions about the current job market

Title	Seeking Insight/A Rant
Author	NoFaceNoPlace
Upvotes	3
Comments	50
Date	February 2, 2017 2:31 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5rn2d0/seeking_insighta_rant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/seeking-insighta-rant.86922 https://theredarchive.com/post/86922

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