Set Your Intentions Or Deal W/ Consequences

SunshineSundress · 2021-12-30T07:32:44+00:00

Setting expectations and creating boundaries is all fine and good, but none of that incentivizes men to WANT to invest in you.

A mentality like this:

men have to be trained

Or this:

if a man isn’t willing to spend money on you...then he doesn’t care about you

often sends men running for the hills and is missing a big part of the girl game equation. It shifts all the responsibility for commitment and investment onto the men, when they are the gatekeepers of commitment and it’s our responsibility to inspire that commitment. (This is part of the fundamental SMP transaction. In turn, we are the gatekeepers of sex, and it’s the men’s responsibility to inspire sex from us.)

It’s also emasculating - I certainly wouldn’t want a man who is able to be trained like an obedient and submissive dog to be my Captain that leads me through life. Would you?

We need to think about how most healthy men function. Men operate on reciprocity - not only in love but also in all other relationships in their lives. This means that many of their decisions, associations, and relationships are a result of what has been done for them in the past. Men literally make friends with each other by doing and returning favors for each other, until they develop a bond and loyalty to each other. They behave the same way in relationships: when a woman does a nice gesture or act of love/care for a man, that makes him want to do nice gestures and acts of love/care in return. This cycle of reciprocity will build strong devotion, loyalty, and love in men for their wives and partners.

Knowing that men work on reciprocity is the key to effectively incentivizing him to want to commit and invest in you. RPW emphasizes gratitude because it begets gratitude from our men, and girl game, which basically consists of all the gestures of love and acts of care we can do for our men, because it begets even bigger gestures of love and acts of care from him.

If you want him to invest in you, you must also invest in him. This isn’t to say you have to invest in the same masculine way that he does (you don’t have to pay for all of your dates, or chivalrously protect him from harm), or that you have to invest your all right from the beginning (instead, start with small gestures like making him a nice lunch for a picnic or a plate of cookies and watch to see if he reciprocates before upping the ante), but you do have to invest in your own way. Otherwise, you just set a bunch of expectations for him to meet, but offer him no incentive or reason for him to want to meet it.

oooKenshiooo · 2021-12-30T15:06:50+00:00

I agree with your headline, but your „advice“ is a surefire way to drive any sane man away from you.

The best way to have generous people around you is being generous yourself.

However, being generous is an art - a lot of people who consider themselves generous are either wasteful, habitually stuck in covert contracts, or they have no boundaries at all.

KombuchaEnema · 2021-12-30T14:37:42+00:00

I agree with no investment = no sex.

But I also know that if you’ve engaged in casual sex in the past, and now you’re forcing a good man to wait for sex until he commits…well, a lot of high-value men won’t stand for that.

In your eyes you’ve grown and learned to value yourself differently, which is fair.

But in his eyes, another man got sex from you when you were younger and hotter and had to put in zero work. This will lessen his desire to work hard for sex because…why? Are you really worth it? How does he know that? How are you proving that to him?

I’d also say this: the idea that you can train a man to me is inherently harmful. I know a lot of girls who thought they could “train” their men to be better and now they’re single mothers.

All in all, I think if a man isn’t generous, he’s probably not going to be. If a man likes you, he’s a good man, and he wants to have a LTR with you, he will treat you exactly how he thinks you deserve to be treated. If you withhold sex from a (high-value) man to try and change him, he will simply leave.

On the other hand, if you withhold sex from a man to try and change him and it works, then you have ended up with one of two types of men: a) a submissive man who will let you control his behavior with sex (unattractive in my opinion) or b) a pick-up artist who will temporarily change his behavior to get you in bed and then immediately dump you afterwards (or use you as a plate until he gets bored).

IntelligenceLtd · 2021-12-30T15:44:00+00:00

30 times her senior

If she was 18 the minimum american age of consent that would make him 540 years old

emmalai85 · 2021-12-30T16:01:23+00:00

I need to stop laughing about "men need to be trained" - in our household, it's the other way around, including being told he expects me to cloth diaper on top of breastfeed. (I'm pro breastfeeding, I was anti cloth diapering, but he put his foot down about the next baby, so he did all the research and told me which diapers he expected me to buy and I bought them.)

My job is to be submissive, in service, and pleasing to my husband, the idea of "training" him is the opposite of my entire goal in life, of being a helpmate, useful, and making him happy.

Money is useful for survival, but I wouldn't want him to waste money if he doesn't need to spend it, I don't need expensive jewelry, or fancy cars, I value his time, attention, the fact that he cares enough about our family to support breastfeeding, and even make an executive decision about the type of diapers we use, shows me how much he priorities our family unit. I appreciate that so much more than buying me silly baubles or trinkets. His time is worth money, having him spend his time on me, is invaluable to me.

Having unrealistic expectations will set you up to fail, being demanding, greedy, or thinking you're worth more than you are, is also delusional. Being a kind friend, who's supportive and gives gentle suggestions and behaves with emotional support is good practice for a future husband.

It's not my friend's job to hold me accountable for my beliefs, or behaviors, they aren't my parent or my spouse.

Random thought : I would never withhold sex to manipulate, and I did put out on the second date once I was pretty sure we had the same values about marriage (We were married 8 weeks after our first date, and i trusted him to be honorable that he was going to commit when we met in person, after we made sure we had chemistry and we were compatible on life views - which is why meeting to make sure we had physical chemistry was the last step at that point.)

I'm probably mis-reading this, but it reeks of manipulation to me, and that's not the demure, kind, loving, affectionate, obedient woman I want to be.

live_long_n_prosper · 2021-12-30T11:54:45+00:00

How do u inspire them? They are very simple creatures, they want a woman who is beautiful and kind, and for the long term : competent at homemaking and child rearing, and intelligent enough to appreciate his intelligence, but knows her place and is loyal.

Unfortunately it starts with looks so not everyone can really get a hvm... I dunno, maybe they can?

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2021-12-30T06:49:15+00:00

Fully agree. There's a saying in these parts "no commitment no sex" but I like to switch it up to "no investment no sex."

anonavocado0 · 2021-12-30T16:21:55+00:00

True friends will tell you the ugly truth, that’s the best way to grow. Thanks for sharing!

boofthegirl · 2021-12-30T23:55:47+00:00

This. This. This.

My friends are constantly asking me how I have obtained and maintained an excellent relationship where I am provided for and loved. What they don’t realise is you’re allowed to demand prospective partners bring their fair share to the table.

What’s the point in letting these fuck boys treat you like dirt, putting in all the effort, holding up your end of the bargain only to be ghosted or broken up with anyway?

So many of my friends’ prospective partners won’t pay for dates, take them out, take the lead, give them time and attention and they still sit there expecting him to one day wake up and realise what a catch she is?! Like, no, dumbass he’s just LV and always will be. I dont know how many girls I’ve had to literally be like “he lives with his mother, what are you doing?!”

Always be loyal, submissive, feminine, etcetera but if your prospective partner is not bringing his fair share to the table then it’s time to put your foot down absolutely. If you want kids, it’s even more important.

Set expectations and if they fail to meet them (whilst dating) it’s time to move on.

johnnycage24 · 2022-01-07T22:16:17+00:00

Also men use their wallets to get what they want just saying, thing is men do need to be trained, also you spot the asshole on the spot and you don't forgive him, people rarely ever change, are good at hidding and are awful actors/actresses.

Title	Set Your Intentions Or Deal W/ Consequences
Author	Pinktoes10
Upvotes	29
Comments	26
Date	December 30, 2021 6:33 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/rrut9p/set_your_intentions_or_deal_w_consequences/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/set-your-intentions-or-deal-w-consequences.1089976 https://theredarchive.com/post/1089976

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