"Settling" - is it really such a bad thing?

_wingnut_ · 2014-07-25T11:52:04+00:00

When "settling" was the norm, respect, duty and gratitude towards your husband was not only inculcated in you by your family but it was enforced by the culture around you and divorce was nearly impossible. This made women enter marriage with an entirely different frame of mind. They also didn't "settle" with the memory of 100 alpha cocks in college haunting their marriage.

tryanotherJuan · 2014-07-25T14:23:03+00:00

I think you are absolutely right with the Paradox of Choice. With apps like OKCupid, match.com and all the other dating apps a "better" man is just a swipe away.

We spend too much time focusing on finding the perfect partner and not enough time working to become a better partner ourselves.

In a sense, you always marry the "wrong" person because you marry an imperfect person. We see it as settling, but really we are just marrying an imperfect person, just as we are imperfect.

Realistically, the pool of people that share our beliefs, values and social background is probably pretty small. I think modern dating just makes us perceive that we have many more choices than we really do.

Lady_Motido · 2014-07-25T12:31:15+00:00

There's really no point to settling in this day and age. It used to be that a woman had to settle to survive because she relied on men to provide for her and couldn't remain a burden to her family, it's not like that anymore. I personally wouldn't encourage RPW to settle simply because she's working hard to improve herself in order to find and keep that man that will give her tingles and keep her on her toes. When I think of women settling I think of those women who rode the carousel and suddenly realized they need/want a man, desperation = settling.

FleetingWish · 2014-07-25T19:10:53+00:00

"Settling" just means "being with someone you're not attracted to". Attraction is important because it our brain's way if telling us who would be the best candidates for mating with. Now is it the only important thing? No.

If you're a woman you are programmed to have at least one offspring, and secure resources for it. Since our genes want us to reproduce, having adequate offspring is better than having no offspring, so settling is a viable alternative to being without mate. In other words, women would rather settle than be single.

If you are male, sex is cheap and easy, and you don't need to worry about securing resources every time you have it. Further more, it is not necessary for them to give resources. However, if they want to ensure a particular offspring's well-being because of a woman's high attractive levels (ie good genes) they will stay and invest resources. There are no incentives for men to settle. In other words, men would rather be single than settle.

mrp3anut · 2014-07-25T15:36:02+00:00

Male perspective.

It depends on what you mean by settling.

Are you "settling" for for less than you are worth or less than you want?

I would say that you should generally avoid settling for less than you are worth, however keep in mind that if you hold out for too long your SMV will go down and there will be a chance that you end up settling for less than what you had the opportunity to get in previous years.

Settling for less than you want is the default and not something you choose to do or not. Everyone desires Mr or Mrs. perfect but only Mr. or Mrs. perfect have a chance at actually accomplishing it.

greyngreen · 2014-07-25T18:59:27+00:00

Yes, I think settling is a definite positive. It's so easy to become a perfectionist and waste time looking for your soul mate. But there is no such thing as a perfect person. In my opinion, soul mates are created. You find a man that you are reasonably compatible with and you build a relationship. I believe in the ideal of a perfect relationship with an imperfect person.

Also consider that sex outside of marriage was not the norm in the past. If you wanted that kind of physical relationship with someone, it required commitment and marriage. And the majority of women were focused on (and excited about) becoming a wife and having a family. It was the purpose of their lives. I'm sure they gave it deep thought, but they didn't extend it for decades as we see today because children are only for the young.

As for "true love," I sadly don't see it in most marriages. People don't even seem to know what it is any more. To me, it's not a feeling. It's a decision to commit to another human being unconditionally. Usually, it's combined with a great deal of happy memories and affection, but the decision stands even if you're miserable.

Title	"Settling" - is it really such a bad thing?
Author	Butterflyskirt
Upvotes	25
Comments	24
Date	July 25, 2014 10:26 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2boiwi/settling_is_it_really_such_a_bad_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/settling-is-it-really-such-a-bad-thing.84746 https://theredarchive.com/post/84746

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