Teased for femininity?

Iluvalmonds83 · 2022-12-29T16:22:10+00:00

Sounds like this can be resolved by casually bringing it up with him. Get some clarity from him about if he has any underlying concerns about you not being invested in self growth / expanding on your own skill set and values, or if this is his way of trying to be playful with you. Let him know how you just want to make sure you’re perceiving it as it’s intended, or not. Remember It’ll take time for both of you to learn each others communication style in this relationship so this might just be a learning experience for both of you.

SunshineSundress · 2022-12-29T20:16:34+00:00

You should definitely talk to him about it. This is a small issue, so it’s best to nip it in the bud before it becomes a bigger problem.

Be vulnerable about it and just tell him that you feel hurt when he teases you for knitting or putting on makeup. Let him know that those things make you feel in touch with your femininity, and that it meant so much to you when he cherished your femininity earlier. No need to point fingers or to call him out - I would focus more on “I feel” statements.

Then listen to his response. If he is accommodating and understanding, great! Make sure to show your appreciation when he DOES show you how much he values your femininity. Give him a kiss on the cheek, tell him that he’s making you blush, and just let him know how much you like it when he does that. If he gets defensive or upset, try to diffuse the situation. Let him know that you know he’s not doing it on purpose, but that you really value his opinion so when he says those things even when it’s just a joke, it really hurts your feelings because it makes you think he doesn’t like you or the things you do. If he isn’t hearing you, I would drop it and maybe bring it up another time when things aren’t heated.

AgreeableAd7689 · 2022-12-29T22:20:54+00:00

I read this post to my boyfriend and he said “he’s just one of those guys that doesn’t know what he’s missing”.

I agree. This may be coming from a place of ignorance. He probably hasn’t dated a masculine bad B (career orientated) so he’s curious. Willing to compare that to you and maybe trying to push you into that slowly.

I would say, stay confident and let him know you’re not changing. You’re happy with yourself and don’t need other hobbies to feel interesting or more intelligent. If he’s growing out of wanting a feminine girlfriend, he can move on.

RedPillDad · 2022-12-30T05:24:30+00:00

Femininity is an increasingly rare flower these days. You'll catch enough flak about it from family, coworkers and such. As someone married to a feminine woman, he really needs to help preserve your femininity, not chop it down. I'm sure he's only teasing, but it hurts more coming from him. Your femininity is like a well of goodness that can run dry if not recharged, and he's the best one to recharge you.

LiftsLinage · 2022-12-30T01:19:21+00:00

He doesn't realize how lucky he is to have you. I think it's a simple matter of telling him that these are qualities that you are proud of and more importantly that he himself once valued, ask him to think critically about what teasing could imply and tell him it hurts your feelings.

He absolutely should value you and as a minimum make am effort when you tell him something matters to you.

sunglasses90 · 2022-12-29T21:26:58+00:00

Femininity is key, but men also want a partner and wife who can pull weight as life gets more serious. That doesn’t mean you have to be high earning or tough on the outside, but they do need you to be competent and capable because they can’t watch over you 24:7. It sounds like you have the feminine side down pat, but maybe you could work a little on the other stuff. Maybe do some workouts or learn something new?

I’ll tell you trying to find that line of capable v. Overstepping is kind of hard. I struggle with it at times.

AutoModerator · 2022-12-29T15:08:00+00:00

Title: Teased for femininity?

Full text: Hey ladies!

When my boyfriend (24) and I (23) got together, he made it clear that he really loved how feminine I am. He would comment that he loved that I wear dresses, wore light and pretty makeup, smelled nice, had feminine hobbies (knitting, crochet, etc). I loved this! It felt like he was actually noticing the things I was doing and appreciating them.

Now, though, he (lightly) teases me any time he sees me do these things? For example, when I wear makeup (no change in style, the same light makeup as always) he makes comments implying that I care too much about my appearance. When he sees me knitting, he says something like "thats cute" but then turns around and implies I need to get a "real" hobby.

I know it seems small, but it hurts my feelings. Women just arent allowed to be feminine a lot (in my opinion), and I really valued that he seemed to value my femininity. Now it just feels like he pulled a switch-a-roo on me. It doesn't seem to be insecurity as far as I can tell. I do want to ask him about this, but I want to try and get an understanding and a game plan before I bring this up to him. I just don't understand, any help is appreciated!

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VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-12-30T13:48:27+00:00

So I would start with the simplest explanation: he may think he is joking around, all in good fun, and does not realize that you are sensitive to it. You might, next time it happens, say ”I thought you liked that I was feminine.” Then see how he responds.

If a girlfriend took up knitting, or smth I would be inclined to serenade her with My Old Timey Baby but I would also be sure to punctuate it with praise at the end to smooth things over.

Bear in mind, a lot of guys under 35 or so have been subject to the same programming that tells ladies to be “boss babes”. People on both sides of the gender divide are less skilled at flirting these days, and nobody seems to know what the rules are. Luckily for me, being a “Dark Gentleman” (holding doors/coats, rising from the table¹ when a lady arrives or leaves) while keeping the vibe mildly subversive with a dash of “wickedness” seems to work.

¹ The current incumbent was rather dazzled when I did this. As in ”I had heard that men used to do this, but had never seen it, nor had anyone done it for me!” He shoots, he scores! Evidently, expectations have never been lower.

cohost3 · 2022-12-29T16:52:33+00:00

Every single person has flaws, this is very minor. Brush it off and think about his other better qualities.

If he didn’t like your feminine qualities he wouldn’t be with you.

bryansodred · 2022-12-29T15:21:28+00:00

I had a situation similiar to this. I'm a funny sarcastic person by nature, so every now and again when my ex would have moments of not getting jokes right away, id tease her about not being quick on the draw followed by a smile or a laugh. Years later she confessed that my playful teases really used to hurt her feelings.

It blew my mind and taught me that women really are overly emotionally sensitive to the point of being unwarranted.

My same jokes is what attracted her to me when were strangers and now my same jokes is what she now found hurtful after we became bestfriends.

I no longer poke jokes, i no longer tease, ive lossed my funny side because how do i know what im saying is a joke or a hurtful jest.

Title	Teased for femininity?
Author	babyegirll
Upvotes	37
Comments	24
Date	December 29, 2022 3:08 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/zy7ksw/teased_for_femininity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/teased-for-femininity.1145348 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145348

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