My husband gets stressed about work and providing for the family. He is particularly stressed because of some issues with his boss and his feeling disrespected. He is wanting to find a new job but he has worked at this one for his entire adult life.

He’s got the next week off and I know he gets relaxed and playful and fun (his old self) on vacation. A few weeks ago we went away for our anniversary and had an amazing time (some of the best sex we’ve had in years).

But then I know the “other” husband rears his head the moment he goes back to work. I feel myself just bracing for it even when he’s all relaxed. He isn’t unkind. Just very distant, uninterested in sex, being playful or flirty, a bit irritable.

He can somewhat see it. It’s like he tries to hang on to the less stressed out version for as long as he can, but it inevitably returns.

I try so hard to hang into Laura Doyle and just focus onto my self care and my side of things. It’s also really hard when he stops showing affection because he so preoccupied with his anxiety and stress (he does admit he has anxiety pretty badly and the thought of finding a new job has made it much worse).

On one hand I feel selfish for asking for more of him because he does do a whole lot. I don’t want to add onto his burden. I’m always showing him gratitude for working so hard and for what he does for the family. On the other hand I also miss the sweet, playful, flirty side of my husband. Some of it is for my sake (who doesn’t like to be flirted with?) and also for his sake - he just seems miserable.

I guess my question would be - how can I support my husband. And knowing that I can’t change him - how do I gracefully cope with the drastic change between vacation husband and work husband?