Waiting Until Marriage

throwawayhouseissue1 · 2019-08-22T00:43:26+00:00

I used to be super conservative Christian, but I fell out of that when I was like 22-25? Then I started dating seriously when I was 27, had sex in a long term relationship, and after that ended I dated for a while. I am 36 now and last year I met my gf who is 30 who is waiting for marriage. I respect that and I will wait for her (although it's difficult!)

My point is, don't assume that guys who will respect your choices aren't out there. In fact, you'll probably weed out the weak guys. What I don't understand about people who say, well what if the sex is bad or something? No one is great at first, it takes time to get to know your partner, what they like, how they like it, and it takes a lot of trust to communicate those things. Not every time you have sex will it be mind-blowing. Sometimes its just a way to be intimate with who you love.

Kara__El · 2019-08-21T20:28:41+00:00

I think your reasons to wait are valid, but that waiting until marriage is extreme... and even unreasonable when you're not religious. The pool of men willing to wait until marriage to experience this level of intimacy with their partner is already tiny, but the non-religious pool? I'd say it's almost non-existent.

The good news is, you don't have to operate in extremes. You can wait a good long time to share this with a man, but still not wait until marriage. You're going to get a lot of comments about how good, alpha men won't wait. Hogwash. If you're a virgin, a good man might wait quite awhile. My husband waited 8 months for me to get the Gardasil shot, since I had only had one partner and he had not only had one partner. We were saying I love you and discussing marriage. While we did do other things, he was willing to wait for something that would be an experience almost wholly unique to him. The catch is, were it not so, had I been with thirteen men, he'd have seen no reason or benefit to waiting. He's a great man and almost too alpha at times, but he really appreciated my respect for saving sex for commitment. Would he have waited until marriage? Maybe, were it for religious reasons. Just because? No.

thesillymachine · 2019-08-21T22:30:07+00:00

In my opinion, there are two main things you have to consider and the rest isn't that important. Are you willing to risk having a baby and are you two committed for the long haul? It's valid to wait to hold off on sex until you're ready to risk pregnancy. No matter how many precautions you take, there will still be a chance of pregnancy and even if you're uber pro-choice and don't think there's any problem with abortion there are a ton of side effects on your physical and mental health that no one would want to willingly go through if they could avoid it. I also think it's valid to wait if you feel like he or you are not ready to commit for the long haul. Why would you have sex with someone you don't see a future with and if you do get pregnant he may not support you in whatever decision you make?

As far as having a satisfying sex life or mis-matched sex drives, I don't think these are reasons to rush into having sex. A satisfying sex life takes work, commitment and time no matter who you're with. Doing this before a wedding will not magically tell you whether it'll work. Your attitudes, your approaches to difficult/awkward situations, your commitment to each other, both of your willingness to make sacrifices will tell you all you need to know. You don't need to have sex first to know. Also, no two humans are exactly alike in any respect so having a mis-matched sex drive is pretty much guaranteed. One of you will want it more or less than the other. This isn't insurmountable in the least! Again, you just need two partners that are willing to compromise, sacrifice, and communicate in order to make it work. My husband has a higher sex drive than me but I'm very easy going so I let him take the lead and we have sex as much as he wants.

curious_monster · 2019-08-22T02:52:02+00:00

I’ve seen relationships where the girl wants to be married but her partner won’t propose. Both of the couples have been together 8 plus years, live together, have sex, and play house. The boyfriends are aware that the girls want a marriage, they just don’t see the point of it since they are already playing house.

My parents taught me to give myself a timeline to decide what i want to do in a relationship. Within. Year I should know if I want to stay with this man or stop stringing him along. I told my now husband that marriage is my end goal. I don’t want to live together, have PIV sex until we were committed in matrimony. He respected that. A year in I asked where his head was at, 6 months later he proposed and we had a long engagement of a year and a half.

Long story short. Define what your end goal is and what commitment means to you before you decide what you want to do about sex.

Whisper · 2019-08-22T22:32:34+00:00

https://www.trp.red/p/whisper/918

Natuasi · 2019-08-21T23:21:12+00:00

Is there a time frame that you and your partner are considering being married in? How long is he willing to wait?

BeginningSomewhere3 · 2019-08-22T02:09:11+00:00

You can choose to do whatever you want. You seem to be very aware of the upsides and downsides of the decision and more than capable to make an informed decision.

Personally I chose not to wait until marriage. Instead I waited until engagement for PIV sex and we did other things before that starting at around 4 months together. We ended up married, so I guess no harm, no foul?

But I chose not to wait all the way until marriage because I felt like engagement, diamond ring and all, was enough of a commitment to take the chance. I wanted to make sure we were fully sexually compatible before legal marriage and make sure that our sex drives somewhat lined up. Also, participating in other sexual activity before my engagement gave us time to learn each other's bodies and learn what each other like, but before any big commitments. It definitely took a bunch of pressure off of our wedding night. We still got to enjoy each other in wedded bliss, but we had already done the deed well before then, so the pressure to perform well was significantly lifted.

It seems like some romantic notion to wait until your wedding night, but what if it doesn't go how you planned and you resent it for that reason? That's too much pressure on one specific night of your life, just to have painful, awkward first time sex.

But you do you boo boo.

AnarchoNAP · 2019-08-21T20:41:48+00:00

There isn’t a single guy I’ve slept with that I look back and say “sure am glad I slept with them before I met my husband.” There are no upsides to it.

It also doesn’t make sense. To say that you are ready to risk pregnancy but not ready to commit is incoherent. He’s either ready to commit or he isn’t. If he isn’t then a baby is not what he needs.

novacanelipstick · 2019-08-24T18:56:01+00:00

I am super religious and thought that the guys outside of religion would not be open to a relationship without sex before marriage. In fact, I used to try and turn down guys by basically telling them I'm super prude and hoping they would go away themselves. Not so. It literally has never happened that someone was unwilling to date me or be in a relationship with me for that reason. Ever. My longest relationship was with a guy who was a staunch atheist and had lots of prior partners and he never made issue with it. There are guys who are highly willing. And I've noticed I think it is actually beneficial in the dating world...couldn't say exactly why, but I think men respect girls with conviction? Point is: It is possible and I know lots of other people who do it, religious or not. It can be hard, but the trick is to just hold to your guns. Even if it is just to prove you can do hard things. Pick a reason and hold to your guns.

thefreed9 · 2019-08-29T06:50:53+00:00

Being super attractive and having a good personality would certainly help. If you do a good job in explaining yourself and reasons why your trying to wait, a guy might be willing.

I think some non-religious guys might have a thing for virgins, especially for marriage, I mean marriage is different from a one night stand, he can teach you all about it, especially if you like being submissive.

I think if your upfront and honest, you might actually find a great guy fairly easily.

Vellore992 · 2019-08-21T20:25:48+00:00

If you're not religious, where are you planning on finding men who are willing to marry a woman before he's slept with her?

secretladyaccount · 2019-08-21T21:39:16+00:00

Personally, I chose not to and I'm happy with that.

thesillymachine · 2019-08-21T22:44:34+00:00

Absolutely, 100% worth waiting. The wedding night is already super special and there is nothing more romantic than losing it then. It is very respectable. Women are emotional and men are visual in regards to sex. Honestly, having sex with the one is never the same, it is always different! (At least, in my experience.) Bottom line is that it is your decision.

I would caution you not to get married too quickly because you're waiting to have sex.

I'm not sure about men's thoughts on this.

Zegiknie · 2019-08-25T17:14:51+00:00

If he doesn't agree, it's up to him, not us, to change your mind. Let's see if he's up to the task.

theoracleofosiris · 2019-08-21T23:20:51+00:00

A tip, you both could get naked and fully aroused and but without touching each other.

You get to see his size, he gets to.. well there’s nothing in it for him really.

Makes the decision clearer. But anyway, it doesn’t really matter because as long as you both only fuck each other and no one else, there’s no means of comparison and no reason to be unhappy.

There’s always better sex out there but it comes at a great cost to your long term emotional well-being.

Title	Waiting Until Marriage
Author	WildTenderness
Upvotes	19
Comments	29
Date	August 21, 2019 8:17 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ctmeb0/waiting_until_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/waiting-until-marriage.249978 https://theredarchive.com/post/249978

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