Year Reflection Thread: 28/12/2015

sierrasecho · 2015-12-29T01:32:20+00:00

It's been a while since I've been around, but that's mostly because life is pretty damn awesome right now. I miss you ladies though!

I finished my career- change school program, but returned to my old job doing finance for a few months. There was a lot of pressure and expectation for me to head North to where the big, big money in my field is (or shall I say was?). My field is mostly in commodities, and in Canada especially, things aren't looking too hot. Between the bad economic news, and the amazing life I have built with my boyfriend here in my city, I chose to stay here and tough it out until I found good work in town. People said I was nuts, I was wasting my education, to "follow the money". I had been ready to go, but I met my SO just before I started my program. I chose to finish it, but wasn't sure where it would lead.

Anyway, you ladies will understand how not up and leaving my SO for the prospect of money was a wise choice. Few others seem to - I was told I could always "just find another". But I don't want to (and honestly, I'm now 34 I doubt I could). He is the best thing that ever happened to me, I put my faith in him, and in our relationship. I was hired for a large company just two weeks ago in an amazing field, pay is great, in town most of the time. I am so thrilled at knowing I can come home to my love nightly. J always knew it would work out, and it did. That was the bulk of my year.

We sold my old home in April, and he bought a new one where we now live. It is beautiful and perfect.

We have been exploring our area a lot more, and a lot more actively. We have been snowshoeing a lot, winter camping and it's great to see him perk up so much on these little trips. I love being active with my man, and I get bonus lady points for sucking it up and not whining.

The bit of weight gained is falling off, we have great, if unusual, plans for our future, finances are looking good (i mention it as it is such a source of tension for so many couples) I've learnt to relax more about mis-matched sex drives (I'm the high-drive partner), I love being able to yield and relax (not in a get-lazy kind of way) in my relationship. I take care of my man in the way he needs, and he does likewise.

We are a good team. We never fight (and not even in that stewing upset negativity). We can rely on each other, and have grown together. The RPW habits are well embedded and we are a good match. We split down traditional gender norms now (happily) but I'm sure there will be some minor adjustment as I start my "real" job, but I'm confident we will make it through.

Though I consider myself having been "raised" RPW by an RP father, thank you ladies for giving a voice for me as a non-feminist, a context to discuss how to be a good partner, for not making me second guess my choices and attitude and behaviour, and for firm quick advice when I've needed it.

All the best to you ladies. I literally cannot wait to see what next year brings. (Starting with a sailing trip with friends and a bonfire to start the new year off right!)

kalicutan · 2015-12-29T05:01:03+00:00

Hello all! I've been a longtime lurker on RPW but I wanted to introduce myself in the new year :)

I'm hoping to start contributing, at least to the weekly goals. I feel like weekly goals are a good way to keep myself accountable and watch my progress. And I love reading about all of your progress because it really motivates me to keep going in my own journey.

A little info about me: I'm a 22 year old grad student, just starting dental school. So a lot of my time right now goes into studying, but I know that my priority in life is to be a strong and stable partner to someone and start a family. My parents are my role models for that; they've been married 35 years and I've never met a couple more in love or dedicated to one another. I think a lot of that comes from the red pill nature of our culture; my mom has always shown the utmost respect for our dad and made sure all her kids did the same. My mom is really an example for me of how a woman should be and I hope to be just like her as a wife and mother.

I'm also hoping to find a man as strong and hardworking as my dad, but at the moment, I'm focusing on improving myself.

So, this past year has been kind of hectic, but also really rewarding. Graduating college and starting grad school were huge transitions, and personal losses in my family made this past year somewhat stressful. I never got the chance to say thank you, but advice on this subreddit about self-care and maintaining a positive outlook and demeanor really helped me focus on myself and take care of my family when they needed me. That said, I have a few goals for the New Year that I hope will help me improve as a woman, and eventually as a wife and mother.

1) Stop gossiping and putting others down. I want to be someone that people can trust. Gossip can be fun, but it can also hurt people badly and I don't want to be the kind of person that people are afraid to share things with. As for putting others down, I recently purchased a journal that I've decided to put my negative thoughts down in. Whenever I'm angry or hurt by someone else, I'll write it down first and decide whether it's worth it to confront them about it or if I should let it go. I've found that's it's a good way to keep my hamster under control and make sure that I'm not making mountains out of molehills. Seeing my feelings written out helps me decide if they are valid or just silly drama over nothing.

2) 8 glasses of water a day and exercise 5/7 days a week. It's going to be hard to make time with school but taking care of my body should be a priority. I love running and yoga and I tend to do those daily but my goal for the end of next year is to have an actual booty :) At the moment, I probably have the smallest butt known to mankind and I'd love any advice you ladies have on shaping it up!

3) At least 6-7 hours of sleep per night. This is going to force me to keep a rigid study schedule but I want to make sure I am keeping myself as healthy as possible and not being an extra burden on my family.

4) Putting more of an effort into my appearance everyday. It's so easy when wearing scrubs to just throw my hair in a ponytail and run out the door. But this year, I want to try to put on at least minimal makeup everyday (BB cream, mascara, and lip balm). It's going to mean getting up earlier but I want to make sure I'm putting my best foot forward both socially and professionally.

5) Keeping organized!! This is going to be the hardest thing for me because I tend to get home late and I usually just want to throw my things on the floor and sleep. But these messes just add unnecessary stress to my life so I want to work on keeping things near daily rather than letting things build up.

So I have some pretty ambitious goals for the year, but I hope with your help to make it happen!

fhigurethisout · 2015-12-29T00:09:44+00:00

This year has been the most amazing year of my life.

I also want to learn from mistakes I made this year and I’ll probably add to this post more later. This will be super long, but it’s for myself, sorry. :)

(Rough background context: was a feminist with typical beta boyfriend that i disrespected in my teens (I didn't even have sex with him, ever..for THREE years.. i was "christian" at the time but honestly the thought of sleeping with him never turned me on. whose fault is that, i wonder? maybe the stupid teenaged girl who lead him on!!!). i emotionally cheated on him. we broke up since i felt horrible, but i went with the "alpha" guy i had been emotionally cheating on, anyway. thankfully i didn't sleep with him. aaand.. he was sleeping with my friend, which i found out shortly after. i totally deserved it; disrespecting my previous boyfriend was just awful and the worst thing i have ever done. that prompted me to stop dating altogether. i fell into depression and was in some dark times, parents were getting divorced too. I suppose i had a wake-up call, thanks to a friend, and started my own self-improvement. I eventually stumbled across RPW in my early 20s. i'm very happy I didn't sleep around, the temptation and social pressure was there. I pretty much went monk-mode without knowing it, and then added to my monk-mode when i found RPW.)

The good:

In January, I tried OKcupid and met the most amazing man ever. Actually, in the beginning, I was quite wary as he was giving off the “player” vibe via text message. But his confidence had me hooked, and when we met in real life, I realized there was so much more substance to him than he had initially given off. I really didn’t want to get my hopes too high and tried to stay cautious…he honestly could have plated me very easily. We kissed on the first date and, once he confirmed he wasn’t seeing anyone else, I jumped into bed a little too quickly with him. I was very worried that I had made a mistake, since we didn’t have an ‘official title’. Buut, when Valentines day came, he asked me to be his girlfriend! I was so overjoyed. Every time we are together I feel like we become closer. Our relationship is amazing and I trust him more than anything. He looks after me really well and, when I slip up, he’s patient and listens even when I don’t deserve it. I’ve never felt so attracted and in love with someone before. My feminist/entitled personality in the past would have obviously turned this kind of man ‘off’, so i’m REALLY grateful I found RPW a few years ago and managed to shape myself up. And now…he surprised me during my bday with a month trip to Maui!? I can’t even wrap my head around it, it feels like a dream. I am so excited to spend a whole month with him, exploring and experiencing life together! We plan on hiking Haleakala, I’m just so excited. :)
Amidst all this, I feel like my friend circle strengthened. I went on the most amazing hikes of my life. I’m listening more to my girl friends and I really appreciate their contagious passion to stay fit, hike, and be outside.
My partner and I scaled one of the most difficult mountains in our area and camped at the top over a glacial lake. This was one of many instances, and I’m so grateful that we can enjoy hiking and camping together! I’ll never forget our adventures.
I moved out! My relationship with my mom has been strained the last few years, somewhat correlated to me finding RPW (she’s veeeery controlling and feminist) and also correlated to my career choice (it isn’t intense/money-making enough for her). I am grateful for what she has done for me financially, and I think the space we have apart is helping us get along, Christmas went smooth. She still caused some drama throughout the year but MOVING OUT has been a very positive change for me. I feel that working on my independence has truly helped me appreciate interdependence. I also love having my own space to take care of. :)
Squatting 175lbs! Not too shabby, though my goal was 200 for this year. I suppose for a 5’1’’ girl this is a decent accomplishment though, and my derriere is looking pretty alright. :) I have been following Bret Contrera’s glute exercises too, which I think added a lot of strength to my squats.
Getting paid a lot more in my career! And enjoying the work too, it’s really fun and, as long as i don’t take on too much, it keeps me happy.
Reconnected with my father. I’m realizing that he wasn’t always the “bad guy” and my mom pretty much poisoned me against him. He’s very peaceful and a lot more like me, actually.

Not so good: (Major slip-ups that I want to learn from and NOT repeat!!!)

One major slip-up that I will never forget is right before our trip to Oregon. I forgot my sleeping pad for camping and we had to turn around. That irritated him already but he let it go (I was also late). Next, I gave him the wrong directions to the border and my feminist “I have to be right” came out and I argued we were going the right way, even though he doubted me. That made me more upset anddd then I noticed I was leading him the wrong way lol. Then, after checking my phone bill I cried, because I had just moved out and felt like I couldn't afford anything (and we were going to Oregon lol). He snapped at me, reminded me that life is good, and that I need to be in a better mood because we were about to do something amazing. He was right, of course. I do NOT plan on repeating this horrid scenario ever again :P Ugh, that was awful of me.
Had another “feminist” moment where I had to be right about anti-feminism and TRP…lol, yes, we got into a debate about TRP and I became way too emotional/heated over it. He was giving some arguments from his class for feminism/workplace opportunity. He doesn’t agree with all of Red Pill (that’s totally fine), I’m not sure why I became so emotional over it. I could have just stated my opinion tactfully and listened to his argument, smiled, and let it go….
One other major instance that made me cringe at myself was my birthday. I suppose I was getting sick and had a lot going on, but I got reaally mopey. I felt like no no one cared and my relationship with my mom wasn’t so great and no one was taking me out whine whine whine. Then, when he didn’t want to go out to a restaurant that evening due to me being sick, I felt even more bitter. In hindsight, he just wanted me to relax. I didn’t create any arguments but i remember the hamstery emotions and ridiculous amounts of self-pity. He came over anyways, which cheered me up…and then spoiled me with the ticket to Maui…which I seriously could not believe, it made me feel like an ungrateful little idiot…
Note to self for 2016: DO NOT. ESCALATE. ARGUMENTS. WITH MOTHER. I repeat. DO not, EVER…ESCALATE. It is NEVER worth your time or energy. Yes, she has a big mouth. Yes, she manipulates and lies. Yes, she will always give you “advice”. But you CANNOT change her. It is much easier better to bite your tongue, nod, and smile. I think the only appropriate moment that I am allowed to ‘fight back’ was when she made a disrespectful joke about my boyfriend. Of course, she turned it into me being “mean to her” and “hating her so much”, but now she treads more carefully on the topic of my partner and knows I’m very serious. Otherwise, there was so much unnecessary drama from me responding emotionally to her hamstery banter. Just do NOT engage in it, ever. Build a positive/non-confrontational relationship, even if it isn’t as deep as you would like it to be. I am still grateful for what she’s done for me, but emotionally I must accept she will never see eye-to-eye with me.

General goals:

Listen first. Make sure you understand. Become vulnerable in conversation; it is important that you hear your partner (or whoever else, practice this on piano students too).
I want to learn to maintain my weight around 100-102lbs. I felt so amazing at 103!! Ate loads during holidays and not feeling so good, back up to 106. :P
Less slip-ups in 2016! If debates arise, give opinions tactfully/demurely, there is no reason to become so emotionally involved. If your emotions are going out of control, take a breather and do some HIIT, run, distract yourself...and use your brain instead! If you mess up, laugh it off. Turn your control mechanisms OFF. Your partner is 200x better with directions. Your partner is a lot smarter. Your partner is way more rational. Stop trying to prove your intelligence, prove your opinions, or whatever. That's a feminist trait from the past that needs to dieeeee.
Fill your life with positive thoughts. Less "omg so much is going on and I'm so tired" and more "wow so many awesome things are happening".
Which leads me to something very important...DO NOT OVERLOAD YOURSELF! Do not take on too much! Do not say "yes" to social events when you know you can't.
Become more loving and understanding. EXPECT LESS. Judge less. See people's good qualities; overlook the bad in moderation (as long as it does not create drama or cause harm). Avoid a haughty/prideful outlook; you have made many mistakes and you were once very feminist. Be patient with your friends.

ManicBrklyDreamGrl · 2015-12-29T00:10:54+00:00

Happy New Year, everyone! This is my favorite holiday because it's so full of joy and optimism. Who doesn't love a clean slate?

This year was major. I got out of monk mode and my life is now on my terms. I declared the major I've always wanted to study and teach, rather than the safe and respectable choice. I found the man I want to marry and he wants to marry me! Those are the biggest things.

I started jogging. I held a few jobs and learned how to not work myself into the ground out of perfectionism and guilt. I found a medication routine that works for my issues. Things are really comin' up roses.

Of course I failed plenty. I've cringed easily once a week at small failings, though I feel I've avoided causing any real damage. I'm particularly ashamed of ghosting out on two friends this year (my judgmental side reared its ugly head and I axed them), but both were very kind and sent me messages over the holiday break. I hope I can make things right by them. Next year, I am going to work on making more time for my friends while respecting that I'm naturally introverted, and eliminating the nasty habit of finding marvelous entrainment in poking bears.

RPRev · 2015-12-29T02:41:15+00:00

Hello all! This is the beginning of my journey here! I've already made an introduction post. That describes a bit about my predicament and why I'm here.

This coming 2016 I'm aiming to completely change my attitude. Both in regards to my marriage and life in general. I can be a negative nancy and want to change that completely.

We've bought a new house and will be moving in at the beginning of 2016. I want to take this new opportunity to transform myself into the perfect wife, and perfect version of myself. I want to aim for 0 arguments in the coming year. Perhaps unachievable, but it's my goal.

In regards to my home, I want to develop a keen "style" for the house. I haven't had the chance to truly decorate a space that is pristine right from the get go, so I'm very excited to give it a go and see how I do!

As for reflecting on the past week, it's been great. I've been letting go of the control and putting my feet up, so to say. It's wonderful.

CoochQuarantine · 2015-12-29T12:31:08+00:00

My year in review.

*The good. *

This year I lost weight after finally finding a diet I can work with. I've always struggled with the last bit of weight cause I refused to believe that working out wasn't going to solve all my weight problems. Keto. Ftw.

This year I finally found my place within the organization I work for. I am truly happy at my job now. I love the work, the people, and my boss. I also love my real estate prospects for the year. I've worked hard to earn what I've got and this year I should be able to do even more. I've learned a lot about real estate through a lot of stumbling but am now confident I can do better.

My love life is on track. I got rid of some baggage and have found me a good man. He keeps surprising me left and right with just how good he really is. I couldn't be happier. Even if this doesn't work out I can now see that there are men out there who are able to treat me like a queen as long as I treat them like a king.

My relationship with my family has never been stronger. I'm actually making plans to take jd to meet them in Guatemala this year. They have seen a huge change in me and as such it is translating to more invitations to events that I normally would have been passed over for.

Biggest one of all. I found you guys. This has been a hard journey for me. But you ladies and your tough love keep me on track and focused on what I truly want with no bs excuses to hinder me. Thank you all :)

*The bad *

I guess my bad section is really not that bad. Most of my screw ups have been corrected or I'm working on fixing them up. I still have some tendencies to be controlling while in the car so I'm working on that. Also I can be short when I'm sick apparently. I still have a difficult time being vulnerable but it's a lot better and I don't make myself feel bad if I can't be open immediately.

In sum, this year has brought me many blessings but I have still got a lot of work to do!!!

Happy New years to everyone 🎊🎉🎊🎉

Rowboat14 · 2015-12-29T17:27:03+00:00

I'll keep it brief.

Next year goals:

-Support my husband in his yearly "cleanse" (he eats very clean at the start of each year and loses any holiday pounds). I have already planned some good meal plans to make for he and I but just need to stick with it. And hopefully I'll lose a few pounds too.

-Wean my daughter. Her breastfeeding is getting ridiculous, I've tried unsuccessfully to wean her 3 times already. It's getting in the way of my sleep/my husbands sleep and making public outings a drag when she's constantly pulling at my shirt and crying when I don't give in. (She's 1 1/2 now so I think it's time for real now).

-Spend less time on the computer.

-Not get hung up on my sex life as much. Husband is working a lot and sex life has struggled. I have been getting upset about this lately as I feel unattractive because of it. Need to stop being so down on myself and be more understanding if HIM, not just my FEELZ :P

-Make more of an effort to make friends here. I have had bad luck with meeting women in my area. They are incredibly flakey and it drives me nuts and makes me want to throw my hands in the air and give up. The few women I have clicked with moved away this year so now I need to start again.

-Make home a more peaceful place. It's awful for my husband to come home to crying kids and just general chaos.

rpvelvetcupcake · 2015-12-29T02:41:03+00:00

Happy new year and have a safe and wonderful trip! :)

This year has been one of personal growth. I learned a lot through self-reflection and meditation. Patience is something that I need to work on--especially with self-improvement and attracting the right man. My anxious neurotic behaviour and lack of patience contributed to me being involved with men that did not have a long term relationship in mind when I started dating last year.

My constant self-criticism and low self-esteem affected my behaviour while dating. It was as if no matter how much I improved overall, I still felt like the ugly-duckling high school version of me. The way I felt about myself was obviously evident to my exes even though I never told them about it.

Being dumped was a wakeup call. I learned that working on my self-esteem was important. I've become a lot more relaxed and happier since then. I know that my hard work and the skills that I learned from here will help me be an excellent girlfriend and wife in the future. I simply need to be patient and stop being an overly critical perfectionist.

I have been dating someone wonderful and I have definitely learned from my mistakes. I'm so thankful for all of the great advice on this sub because it has helped me a lot.

Next year will be so much better! I feel that I've finally found my footing and I am excited for what's coming. I truly feel happy with the way things are going in my life. In this coming year, I will definitely take the time to be more gracious for the people and the opportunities that I have in my life.

CamusSeesSumac · 2015-12-29T15:41:51+00:00

One thing I've been working on this week is slowing down. It's easy to get caught up in thinking so much about the future for me that I'm not able to appreciate the present. I think my boyfriend really appreciates it, because I used to be the type of person that would worry about everything and spread my worries to others, which I think is a recipe for nagging. Even acquaintances have commented on how much happier/at peace I seem. I hope I can maintain the inner calm past the holidays!

Another (small but significant) thing I've worked on is realizing it is okay to do what makes me happy. It's not wrong to want a family and a good life and to take care of my boyfriend. I'm considering a career change, and I've realized that a lot of people are advising me to focus on that and the relationship will work itself out, but I've realized that I don't WANT that. I want to take care of the relationship, and prioritizing my career would put that behind.

LauraXVII · 2015-12-29T16:15:39+00:00

Happy New Year everyone!! I haven't really posted a lot on here, so I'll very quickly introduce myself. I'm Laura, I'm 23 and I'm a PhD student in Engineering in the UK :)

Relationships

In July I broke up with my then-boyfriend of 18 months, because we hadn't slept together in several months. I'm now realising that this is my fault because a) I wasn't making ANY effort and b) I had rushed into the relationship because I was lonely and there wasn't really any attraction there to begin with. We're still really good friends though, so every cloud...
I then joined Tinder, and started sleeping with the friend of a friend. I feel like I got a little too involved and wasn't getting anything back so I've called time on it and I've deleted Tinder
I've joined POF and OKC and I'm messaging a few people so we'll see where that goes
I've also started reading Surrendered Single by Laura Doyle and I'm about 20% of the way through it

University

I just finished off my Masters degree in December so I finally have some free time!!
I also started my PhD in October with a very good University sponsored by a very good company so things are looking up :)

Other Stuff

I've started cooking properly which is a huge change from the TV dinners I used to eat!
Since the break up in July I've lost about 10lbs which places me at around 115lbs
I've rekindled friendships with various friends who I scoffed at during my feminist phase for wanting to be housewives

Goals for 2016

Start squatting - my bum is 10 inches bigger in circumference than my waist, so seeing as it's the main feature of my body shape I would like to get it under control
Start saving some money for a house deposit
Be nicer. I'm very judgemental and it's getting to the point where I'm annoying myself with it so God knows how annoyed my friends must be with it
Eat healthier
Maybe some yoga to increase flexibility - currently I can't even touch my toes!!

Thank you all for being part of this community, I love hearing all your stories - it really gives me hope! Here's to a fantastic 2016

sunhappydc · 2015-12-29T18:34:39+00:00

This year has been a whirlwind. I had experienced the worst breakup of my life in January and found RPW around May. I had a lot of growing pains but I finally met a man who I really care about and feel like a true woman with. It's been wonderful and I really want to nourish my relationship.

Next years Goals:

Work on being a stronger woman: Not FEMINISM strong, but emotionally fortified. I am too emotionally malleable by the influences of others. I'm so tired of that. I want to be my own woman -- independent of what is the politically correct way of doing things. I want to trust my gut going forward and if that means losing friends or pushing away family, so be it.
Prioritize Self-Care: When I get really sad or upset, I truly neglect myself, which pushes my anxiety to new depths. No thanks!! I want to really make a point to make time for myself, especially in my current relationship because my bf told me in the first month of dating "It is not my job to make you happy". I want to work on salon visits and growing out my hair, eating better, skin care regimens, and getting back into working out, which is something I love doing for myself. I hope to grow my hair back to my collar bones and have it full and lush for the man to run his hair through :D I will also budget so that this is a priority that I can afford.
Stop overthinking: This is a big thing for me. My anxiety is pretty much handled right now, which is great, but I still overthink a lot of stuff and that can be annoying. If it doesn't involve me, my paycheck, my relationships or family, I won't give it a second thought. If it doesn't encourage harmony in my relationships, I won't even entertain the idea. And if it stresses me out, I will remove it from my mind.
Start Saving More: I'm 27, no more excuses. I want to be out of consumer debt this year. By all means. I'm in grad school so for now, that can't be helped, but I want to free up my cash for saving and investments. I hope to pay off all my cards and things by April, and I want to save $10,000 across my savings and IRAs by my birthday in August.

Land_Before_Thyme · 2015-12-30T21:47:36+00:00

I am very glad to see this year end.

Starting off with a bang, I got married! Woo! Good man, good plan.

And then everything fell apart.

-After a 12 year flawless driving record, I had two car accidents - one was my fault, one was not. Yet they were both at-fault (I've since purchased a dash cam).

-I got 3 traffic tickets, after a 10 year flawless driving record

-Evicted my first tenant - a lovely crackhead and prostitute. I inherited her through a property purchase - she'd never have made it through my screening otherwise.

-We learned one of our couple friends was emotionally abusing the other one, quite severely. After trying to assist her, we realized her Stockholme Syndrome was so severe and she listened to no one. DH wanted to cut contact; I followed through.

-Due to multiple unplanned events, I slipped a disc in t-spine and completed 12 weeks of pricey PT and fell out of a solid 2 year gym routine.

-I got pregnant (with an IUD in place!)

-I then miscarried at 9 weeks. Completely emotionally devastating.

-Because of the poor timing of the miscarriage, I lost about 20K in income.

The beautiful thing about this year was that, for the first time in my life, I leaned on another human. I am the quinessential caregiver and caretaker - I fix things, in work and in life. But this year...I relied on him. He was my protector, my captain. After my initiate unease, I relaxed into it.

Here's to a new - and much better - year ahead.

Title	Year Reflection Thread: 28/12/2015
Author	fhigurethisout
Upvotes	13
Comments	19
Date	December 28, 2015 11:37 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3yl2a9/year_reflection_thread_28122015/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/year-reflection-thread-28122015.85866 https://theredarchive.com/post/85866

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