http://www.youngmanredpill.com/2014/02/27/8-things-i-learned-from-living-with-a-beta-roommate/

Before you excoriate me for posting low-value garbarge, hear me out. This sub broke 80k subscribers yesterday. That's a lot of newbies to absorb. So here is a link+commentary on a pretty good entry-level blogpost I found en route to looking up other things.

Here is a countdown of the eight things blogger Michael Knox learned from living with a beta roommate, interspersed with my reflections.

(8) A lot of guys are loyal to girls who aren’t even their girlfriends.

Around here this condition is called pedestalization, oneitis, or, to re-coin a term, unicornization, where the guy cuts off his own metaphorical balls and sacrifices them to the honor of some girl that basically represents his mom in her perfection. Knox relates this anecdote:

I asked my roommate, who we’ll call Frank, if he had a girlfriend and he said, ‘well no.’ So are you looking for a girlfriend? “No. There’s this one girl I kind of like. She lives a couple of hours away, but hopefully I’ll see her soon.”

Are you shitting me? I mean, this isn’t fucking junior high where you can only date one girl at a time or everybody gets their panties in a bunch and starts gossiping. Girls in their 20s get it; they date a fuckton of guys before they settle down. They’ll do like 5 dates a fucking week with not an ounce of shame. And who can blame ‘em? They need to find a suitable mate, and they only have so much time to do it before they hit the wall.

Knox gets it. There is no point in holding out for some girl you "like", because you cannot use what you do not have. Knox's point about junior high is apt; kids that age are typically sold-out to an unrealistic, chivalrous, romantic pipe-dream ingrained in them by a then-lifetime of conditioning by animated fairy-tales. And sadly, a lot of men, let down by what's left of the community of men, are still stuck at that psychodevelopmental stage well into adulthood.

(7) I can relate to girls who are driven insane by their unmotivated husbands.

Knox relates:

When Frank was not at work (he works freelance, mostly just the occasional night), he would be either a) Playing video games, b) watching TV, or c) surfing the web, all from the same position in our couch living room.

It's easy to fall into that habit. And if you are reading this, then you may already have fallen into it.

(6) To be Successful, surround yourself with successful people.

I know plenty of people who have wasted literally decades of their lives hanging out with the wrong people. People who are comfortable. Potheads with potential, startlingly talented heroin/meth/coke/alcohol users (no one is an "addict", of course), who have nothing in common with their circle of friends apart from a common interest in getting high/low.

But drug use is not the only millstone around their necks. Sometimes they are trying to make up for deficient fathers or mothers by following bad-boys around or by playing the tough-guy in bar settings.

Not one of such people have I ever known, has ended up "successful" in any sense of the word. Part of the reason is successful people don't hang out with them. Successful people hang out with successful people; those who are not, do not. It's not a class division, it is an attitudinal division.

If you're tempted to skip the gym and smoke weed with your bro, keep Knox's comment in mind:

His laziness started to affect me, especially in the middle of this cold-ass polar vortex fucking winter. I would opt to stay in and watch TV instead of go work out in the morning. I longed for the days when I lived in a Frathouse with dudes who were always up for working out, debating intellectual topics, or brainstorming money making ideas. Luckily, I realized how he was affecting me and nipped the negativity in the bud.

(5) To greet people, look them in the eye and call them by name.

This is Dale Carnegie 101. I know that etiquette has degenerated to the point where people reflexively introduce people who have no reason to know each other, and I know that a wishy-washy handshake and avoiding eye contact can send an intentional message to the introducer as well as the introductee, but if you think someone could be useful to you, make a solid impression without fawning.

Knox's point here, though, is not specifically about introductions, but about greetings, how to acknowledge someone walking into a room. As with introductions, a lot depends on the context, but suffice it to say that ignoring someone, or letting out an inarticulate grunt because you're too high to care, says a lot about you.

(4) Call people out on their shit immediately.

This is essentially about frame maintenance. Knox tells a story about how he didn't stand up to his roommate the first time his roommate tried to pull something with him - a miscommunication about whether some vodka abandoned by the previous resident was understood to be community property or not - and little by little his roommate developed an entitlement mentality. "I blame myself for not drawing the line in the sand earlier. But I learned my lesson. Never again."

(3) If you don’t improve yourself, you’ll get low quality girls

Knox makes a telling observation (emphasis mine):

His girlfriend came and stayed in our place one night, and she was pretty much what I expected from a dude like Frank: Rounded and ugly. ... His girl was a bitchy landbeast who yelled at Frank to do the dishes. While being a fucking guest in our house. Good god. But when you have no options, low self-esteem and are not doing anything to improve yourself, this is the kind of woman you must put up with.

All I'm going to add is, have you ever noticed that most couples are pretty much matched?

(2) Pot is the opium of this generation

Knox hammers away at weed, and it's a pet peeve of mine too. It's one thing to partake on occasion, but another to abide in that state on a more or less continuous basis. I find potheads annoying and useless. They don't care about anything, don't think about anything, and do just enough to get by. Knox complains:

But Frank is waking and baking every single day. In a fucked-up way though it has a sort of logic to it: his life sucks, he has no girls around, so he has to fill the hours with something. Why not pot and video games? It eases the pain. At age 18, whatever. But bro, you’re 27. Get a Life.

(1) Instead of Doing NOTHING, do SOMETHING

Knox's list of suggestions is good. It's simplistic, but, when you're dealing with people habituated to inertia, rising up from it is a paradoxically big hurdle - it goes against the grain on a deep level - and it needs to be spelled out and broken down. Paraphrasing:

  • Instead of not talking to that girl, talk to her.
  • Instead of sitting at home, go to the gym.
  • Instead of complaining you're fat, run.

It's easy and hard.

Finally, Knox points out that the "something" you should do instead of the "nothing", ought to be something productive, something better than video games (emphasis mine):

Working out results in a beach body.

Writing a blog post results in better writing skills and intellectual development.

Talking to that cute girl results in a fun conversation, and who knows....