"Alpha" doesn't equate to aggression, it equates to calculated dominance.

u-r-silly · 2014-11-14T05:17:53+00:00

I was sure this was going to be another rant, but in your post you really maintened the frame you're talking about. Sane argurments put together in a controlled manner.

And your analogy is spot on.

Skink_in_trees_shade · 2014-11-14T08:05:44+00:00

It's fruitless trying to define alpha as a strict set of traits because what constitutes an alpha varies with subculture. An alpha male from the English upper class is quite different from an alpha hailing from the ghettos of Detroit. There are some unifying features, of course.

Diddlydangerous · 2014-11-14T05:05:53+00:00

Can't agree with this post more. Alphas epitomize calmness.

It's swift and powerful and then it's over and he either returns to being the calm, powerful leader or he's exiled and shamed. I'm horrible at analogies.

lol.

CryptoManbeard · 2014-11-14T17:04:07+00:00

I'm a big guy. If someone was to say to me, "You're small." I would look at them, smile, and then finish eating my burrito.

Then there's a skinny guy who's maybe 5'10 standing next to me, he's been working for a year to put on weight at the gym. Someone says, "You're small" to him. He loses his shit because he's been working his ass off and just now starting to feel like he's not "small" anymore.

I am absolutely confident in my size, someone contradicting that is like an amusement to me, it would never shake my knowledge of my body and to spend time arguing about it would be a waste of energy.

I am striving to be like that in all areas of my life. I am understanding more and more that when I get emotional, it is because I have insecurity, and I need to address that. I have found myself getting less affected by negative comments or situations. When you know yourself, you don't need to argue or get upset. You just rest on the confidence you have in yourself.

Dorrog · 2014-11-14T11:21:13+00:00

In general I agree but a touch of apparently unexpected aggression but calculated from your side helps.

If you become too calculating your patterns become more recogniceable and you become easier to game by someone with enough intelligence, time and interest (and you will find someone like that if you do well enough).

By allowing yourself some aggression outburst from time to time you become less predictable and scary to game. Churchill said something along the lines, that it was good that people though you were crazy enough.

wallaby007 · 2014-11-14T16:11:03+00:00

I think a good TV example people could look at for what you described would be Oliver Queen from Arrow.

pickledpeas · 2014-11-14T16:13:05+00:00

I completely agree.

Next time you guys are out and about in clubs/bars or events where large amounts of alcohol are involved observe some interesting body language. It's funny how much men try to be alphas in these situations but on closer inspection are just behaving like betas (just like OP eluded to).

IDGAFN7 · 2014-11-14T14:13:10+00:00

Your analogy is great. To be honest, I sometimes act aggresively to not lose "frame", but I know if I act like that I will make things wrong and peoples impressions will change towards me and I lose control easily.. I still try to learn how to behave in this kind of situations so thanks for giving me this point of view. I try to live without my feelings blinding me, buts its a long way to go.

Ratcheta · 2014-11-14T04:51:55+00:00

I have been taking more heed of my emotions lately. Then I used to be calm, cool, and collected (if not depressed) before my relationshit and eventual bad breakup brought me here.

Then the emotions started flying everywhere, especially with the anger phase. But now as I transition to Bargaining by lifting, reading some game, and the laws of power, those wild emotions are curtailed. Feels good man.

IllimitableMan · 2014-11-14T12:16:40+00:00

OP gets it. Calibration is everything. In fact, I find myself acting consciously beta a lot of the time because people find me intimidating without any effort on my part. Only when someone tries to exploit me, or the situations otherwise calls for it do I "go alpha" on them.

growsomegarlic · 2014-11-14T17:27:11+00:00

A true alpha is mostly polite, courteous and doesn't put up with people's shit because he is both too busy to deal with it and frankly has other options.

Outwardly showing anger or resentment IS the definition of losing frame. It shows you were inappropriately emotionally invested in a situation and didn't have the ability to control it.

Scenario: Out at a bar dancing. Guy grabs your wife's ass right in front of you and unapologetically faces you in a challenging stance. He's not backing down. He doesn't necessarily want to fight...he has simply chosen to mock you in public.

Please tell me... should one remain polite and courteous in response to such a challenge? What reaction is the right one...one that does not outwardly show anger or resentment? Wife expects that I'll get emotionally invested to save her "frame."

le_king_falcon · 2014-11-14T13:30:07+00:00

This is a good post that TRP sorely needs during the current surge in terrible content.

I think that TRP doesn't have enough focus on proper social calibration this being one such example.

couchpotatocarl · 2014-11-14T19:23:22+00:00

Keep calm and dance to the beat of your own drum. You are spot on. Only the insecure are constantly in flight or fight mode.

Tachyon9 · 2014-11-14T16:36:06+00:00

Just like being nice and being beta are not related. You can be nice and dominant at the same time. Be polite but don't take any shit. Nice guys don't finish last. Doormats finish last.

caughtyouredhanded · 2014-11-14T15:26:01+00:00

Every tenant of TRP

Friendly grammar advice for future reference, you mean tenet, not tenant.

Also thanks for advocating for not just always being an asshole. Half of the posts on this sub seem to be about how to rage.

harkrank · 2014-11-14T17:33:55+00:00

I'd like to agree with OP, being calm and collected is at least how I am and how I handle situations. I don't respect raging and immature and conflict-seeking guys.

With that said, OP you are completely wrong. Like in 100% wrong. I've never seen a guy that is aggressive and uncontrolled and antisocial who is not popular with women. And it doesn't even matter if he's good at it. I've known people who drink, pick a fight and get their asses kicked every weekend and yet they get laid by top notch chicks. This sub shouldn't be called the red pill if we ignore that. These guys are getting very much laid by being everything you describe here as being "not alpha". If they're getting laid by hot chicks they are alpha.

JamesRoscoe · 2014-11-14T06:51:05+00:00

In my humble view, a true alpha is a master of the 48 laws of power. The catch is be a master of the 48 laws, you must first master yourself and the way you respond to external situations.

Red_Man86 · 2014-11-14T08:55:17+00:00

This is huge for me. I've noticed I've had the wrong attitude when dealing with conflict, ever since swallowing TRP. I have become extremely bitter and judgmental, as opposed to maintaining frame. I thought this would've made me appear "dominant" but not at all.

Considering this point, how do you deal with "arguments" or conflict while holding frame?

FamousAuthor47 · 2014-11-14T18:18:29+00:00

I was thinking about making a post about this until you took the words right out of my mouth.

Too many people in TRP go from being supplicating beta doormats to full on assholes that NOBODY wants to be around. If this is you, stop. You're stepping outside of your frame to go out of your way to be unnecessarily standoffish to people or girls who you've just just met or have established very little rapport with. Plus, it's just showing your own insecurity and lack of proper social acuity.

Yet it's paradoxical because just as you don't want to be incessant toxic asshole, you don't want to be a beta doormat. The right way to live is to assert your frame and live only within your frame. This way you're not trying to live up to any external "asshole" standards just as a beta would try to live up to external beta standards. Fuck the standards, your frame is the standard.

TL; dr: Frame > being incessant asshole

okadery · 2014-11-14T20:24:28+00:00

Alpha is not a set of traits. Alpha is a mindset. There are noble alphas and asshole alphas, polite alphas and arrogant alphas. Read Rollo's post on this here.

iDont_too · 2014-11-14T18:12:11+00:00

What are alpha ways of "striking", I guess it depends on the situation but respect is earned and I don't think it's always earned through confrontation or violence.

helpyaboy2 · 2014-11-14T18:45:29+00:00

The best way I can define what is considered 'alpha' would be simply stay cool. No matter what class or background you come from, those guys who can do and get what they want always manage to keep their cool.

Next to Don Daper another good example is Michael Corleone.

Just keep cool and pick your words wisely. The fest have the best impact.

PookIsLovePookIsLife · 2014-11-14T23:18:05+00:00

Kind of a "no shit" post for the veterans here, but a great explanation for the newer members.

brotherjustincrowe · 2014-11-15T00:31:46+00:00

Dominance and aggression are often completely unrelated. A little over a month ago a drunk guy, one full head taller than me, started getting in my face (aggressive) while I held frame and spoke to him calmly (dominant). Within five minutes he had gone from talking shit to just talking, gave me a high-five then half-staggered, half skulked to the bar. I saw him later at the end of the night, outside and alone, crying. Didn't raise a fist or even my voice.

fap_the_pain_away · 2014-11-15T12:59:07+00:00

Excellent post. Very clear message. Spergs on here frankly still won't get it but the rest of us see your point. Posts like this clear the haze and provide explicit understanding of alpha behavior.

Anderfail · 2014-11-14T12:48:00+00:00

Ah yes the cold emotionless robot autist who goes through life aloof and above the petty conflicts of daily life. This is all well and good, but most people aren't autistic or psychopathic and can't shut off their emotions at the drop of a hat.

Rage and pure aggression works. I've personally seen it and used it. Why does it work? Because it makes people afraid of you physically. Of course if you look like a twink then it won't do a damn thing because no one will believe it. However, if you're built like a brick shithouse from lifting weights and proper dieting, then it will work because people will take you seriously.

Dr_Wally · 2014-11-14T14:00:06+00:00

I always saw Alpha's as natural born leaders. Someone that people would naturally follow during bad times. He is always calm, intelligent, assertive, leads by example and is not afraid of what may happen.

AchillesOtherLeg · 2014-11-14T18:28:30+00:00

If only because I KEEP seeing this one...

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/tenet

They're not renting a house.

For my part I think it's more important that we remember that actually aggression IS part of being Alpha.

Submission is defined by the act of avoiding wrath or upset at all costs and is distinctly unmanly. We should be embracing our aggression and wearing it to emphasise our disdain of those who would dare to command us to be nice. Aggression doesn't have to take the form of an uncontrolled bitchy outburst, it can be pointed and used for effect.

moiez326 · 2014-11-14T19:57:19+00:00

100% agree. It's these guys who think being a complete ass-hat around everyone equates to being dominant and alpha is actually just people thinking they're playing the part of "alpha". Trying to be alpha in and of itself is very beta behaviour. One must work on themselves and those "alpha" moves come out naturally.

strothos · 2014-11-15T03:33:28+00:00

Don't you think if you knew so much about being Alpha you wouldn't be posting about how to be Alpha on reddit? It sounds ridiculous reading internet wannabe game players spout off the head about how they can be the most dominant. You can't learn to be dominant by reading about it. You become dominant by being dominant. It is like learning an instrument. FFS

[deleted] · 2014-11-14T05:43:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

explodingham · 2014-11-14T07:24:05+00:00

So much hate for anger when it's your weapon not a hindrance. For sex yeah not so much. For dominance, you better believe it. Control it and you control the very thing that can give you power. Sometimes when words just don't get through to the ignorant, the only way to convey it to them is through your fists.

raouldukeesq · 2014-11-14T17:58:12+00:00

Most importantly is equates with not worrying about being Alpha.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-11-14T22:26:08+00:00

I don't think a real "alpha" dude is gonna lie awake at night calculating on how he's going to dominate.

I think he just has personal integrity and leads by example, thus earning peoples' respect.

Stinkfished · 2014-11-14T17:44:49+00:00

Donald Draper from Mad Med is pretty alpha.

Title	"Alpha" doesn't equate to aggression, it equates to calculated dominance.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	149
Comments	81
Date	November 14, 2014 3:30 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2m90su/alpha_doesnt_equate_to_aggression_it_equates_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/alpha-doesnt-equate-to-aggression-it-equates-to.24836 https://theredarchive.com/post/24836

Comments