I just started working at a new company in Korea and my contract includes a furnished apartment. Ive been living in a shoe box for the last year saving up cash so this year I wanted to get somewhere nice, somewhere I could set up an entertainment station, get a big TV, nice sofa, spare bedroom for visitors, etc. So anyway there are these two American girls who have just finished their contract with the same company and who are leaving, and my boss said that if I plug a little extra money in every month I could take over their place. Two bedrooms, big living room, kitchen, sounds good, so I agree and it all gets rolling.

I moved in on Saturday and saw my new apartment for the first time, and I was genuinely excited, and that was a mistake. This place is absolutely, fucking horrendous. Its big, two bedrooms, lots of space, in terms of floor plan its my dream apartment but whatever the girls have been doing here it has not included cleaning, presumably ever, because it is seriously, incomprehensibly disgusting.

As soon as I walked in the door BAM! dog piss, and not just a hint in the air, a full on, dense, prehistoric miasma of urine. It turns out their little yappy bastard of a chihuahua must have been pissing everywhere. Its omnipresent, and Im pretty sure its now following me when I leave. Theres a cake of dust and grit all over the sofa. Cobwebs in every doorway. Grime on every lightswitch. Desolation on top of the fridge. Three seperate cockroaches mashed into the kitchen tiling. The bathroom smells like the dead rodents that used to get lodged in my dads grain well. Im scared to take a shower because I dont want ebola. The first time I inflated my balls enough to wash I ran the showerhead over the tiling and created a brown surf. The wallpaper is grim, moldy and peeling. Everywhere, everywhere there is more dirt and filth and just fucking nastiness.

The reason Im posting this is that both of these girls are hot. Both slim, blonde, 24, graduates, well travelled, on their way to do a postgrad in Spain. There were photos up on a corkboard in the house of them chilling with their mates, guitar playing boyfriends, clubbing, perfectly made up, immaculately dressed, if you saw them on the street youd want to fuck them. And theyve been living in a dingy shit hole, of their own creation, for two years. And never did anything about it.

So the next time you see a girl and you think shes out of your league, or you find yourself pedestalising in any way, or youre just getting a little approach anxiety, you never know, sure theres some dude somewhere thats tired of her shit, but she might also be a fucking filth beast. Just behind closed doors.