Girlfriend going clubbing

GayLubeOil · 2013-11-15T04:13:13+00:00

At first when my then GF started clubbing with her friends I told her do whatever you want, its your life. I dont want to play the controlling boyfriend game. Within a couple of months we broke up because she wanted to know what it was like to fuck other dudes, even though the relationship was great by her own admission. Girls night out is precheating. She is looking to upgrade. Most likely she wont find a better dude then you, but if and when she does you will be dropped. That there hypergammy. You cant stop women from hypergamying all you can do is ensure that you are the highest quality guy you can be. If she asks to do some girls night outing. You have to let her because you cant stop her. But at the same time understand that this is a signal that you should do some precheating of your own.

the_letter_P · 2013-11-15T07:12:51+00:00

I am pretty surprised with how beta some of these replies have been. You have every right to be unhappy about your girlfriend going to the club every week. It is definitely a bad sign. Your gut knows this and it is telling you by making you feel bad about it. You shouldn't ever have to apologise for the way you feel about something out of some silly fear of being a 'jealous asshole'. That's just beta/feminist/white knight propaganda that gets you nowhere. I'd personally prefer to stick with millions of years of evolution if you don't mind. Remember, there is a reason we evolved to get jealous. Cause those who got jealous had their genes carried forward. Its why it exists today, so don't ever forget that.

Think about it. Why do women go to clubs?

For the music? No one can enjoy club music, and if it was purely for the music she'd stay at home and listen to her ipod where she can pick and choose what she wants.

To dance? If she was really into dancing then she'd join a dance club. Plus, what counts as 'dancing' in a nightclub for women is slowly gyrating their bodies for hours on end in a circle. Its barely what I'd call dancing at all.

The alcohol? If that was the case she'd go to a bar, where it is MUCH cheaper.

To socialize? Again, when women want to socialize they do it in their dressing gowns in the kitchen while they paint their nails. Or at the very least in a bar where they can actually hear each other talk.

The only reason a woman goes to a club, and spends hours getting ready and paying absurd amounts of money is for the attention. They get sexually excited by guys hitting on them, and in many cases, following through with it. The nightclub is a place for people to hook up. The nightclub industry spends millions on crafting the perfect environment to help people do this. Its where their money is. People who like good music, good drink and actually talking amongst their friends don't go to clubs where they can enjoy none of those pursuits.

So, we know your girlfriend goes to clubs cause she at best enjoys and is excited by the male attention, and at worse to get laid. If you have ever been to a night club, you know that it is near impossible to not be molested by other guys in some way, but this does not seem to phase her. Despite you saying you don't like it she has no respect for your feelings and does it anyway. Is that girlfriend material?

Now add to the fact that she is going with a large group of female single friends who are going to be constantly welcoming approaches to the group from horny guys. We have another thing to be concerned about.

Now you also tell us that she is doing this weekly? That is excessive for a girl in a relationship. If it was a one off every now and then to celebrate a friends birthday or something, then you could maybe allow it (if the right conditions are met) but at this frequency it is definite cause for concern. You have also stated that it is increasing in frequency. This demonstrates that she is getting more excited by these random guys hitting on her than she is by you. She has started clubbing cause it sexually excites her more than you apparently do (otherwise she'd be at home with you). women go to what excites them the most. Typically, a good relationship should have the opposite things happen. Start off with you being quite wild and then go out clubbing less and less and spend more weekends on the sofa watching a movie, etc.

So here you have a perfect storm of variables that increase the chances of her cheating/leaving you:

Steady stream of guys hitting on her - check Large group of single friends - check Increased frequency - check Alcohol - check Trusting (or too beta to oppose) boyfriend - check dwindling interest in spending time with you - check Highly physical dance floor - check No real risk of being found out - check

It is the equivalent of you asking your girlfriend if you can spend every weekend in a brothel with your single friends, whilst drinking and being hit on by all the women. Ohh...and all the women are on the house too. "Whats the matter darlin'? Don't you trust me? I'm only going there cause my single friends go there. I won't do anything, I promise". Yeah, don't think she'd be signing up for that too soon, do you?

Its not about trust. Its about being smart. I TRUST myself to not eat hamburgers when I am trying to diet. But despite that, I wouldn't spend every weekend in a Mcdonalds watching all my friends eat burgers, surrounded with the staff offering my free burgers and pushing them into my mouth. Oh and I'm drunk too so my inhibitions are down.

See the difference between trusting and being smart? You know the nature of women. Your gut is telling you. Your past experiences are telling you, and if you've been on this subreddit for any length of time, everyone else is telling you (apart from a few betas who seem to be dolling out advice recently, eg. current top comment).

You will have a lot more success by telling her you don't want her going there every week anymore. This will both stop her being in an environment where she will likely stray, and also increase her attraction for you as you'll not be letting her walk all over you.

Personally though (cause I'm a little sneak) I would actually go to the club a few times without even telling her. It is very easy to hide in the club and sit in the shadows with all the other wallflowers. Maybe see what it is she has been doing to see if its even worth saving? You may find there's a reason she is so keen to go so often. But hey, that's just me. You gotta be smart if you want to win this game.

edit: Thank you to whoever gave me Reddit gold. Just need to find out what to do with it now. Much love. Also had a couple of retarded PMs from /r/thebluepill which is kind of like a different sort of reddit gold :p

thegman84 · 2013-11-15T05:45:22+00:00

What the FUCK is with all this:

"Well do you trust her?" "Does she let you go out?" "Maybe she just needs girl time." "If you tell her 'no' she'll resent you...."

Fuck this beta noise. Tell her "No" and be done with it. She won't resent you for saying no, she'll resent you if you're wishy-washy. She'll resent you if you waiver. She'll resent you if she can feel your jealous or concerned.

Let her go to the spa or shopping with her friends. Clubbing is for hooking up.

And if you don't have the balls to tell her "No", then you damn well better be spinning a plate while she's out.

GeneralTry · 2013-11-15T09:42:38+00:00

Women are /always/ looking to upgrade. Why would she decline to pair bond with a mate she views as superior? Don't expect honor and loyalty from her. She will be loyal to you only as far as you can convince her that you are the superior choice. That is the extent to which her loyalty goes. You don't want to be a controlling boyfriend? Fine, tell her she can have girls night out, but not at a location where men meet up and try to find women to stick their dick in.

I say this with absolutely no judgement at all, but seeing this to post reminds me of how beta I used to be because this is exactly something I'd try to rationalize in my head. "Oh, I'm just being hip, you know, a stand-up-guy, letting her go to the one place single people go to meet and fuck." I will bet you if you're honest with yourself one of the reasons you let her do this is you're not entirely confident you could replace her if you decided to put the foot down on her going to these clubs and she decided to exit the relationship.

puaSenator · 2013-11-15T10:43:29+00:00

She IS getting hit on, whether or not she is telling you. She is talking to other dudes. She is in an environment where everyone is hooking up.

It's just a matter of time before she starts wanting to participate in that environment and/or consider branch swinging.

LouisWinthorpIII · 2013-11-15T05:50:28+00:00

You have to keep your frame, bro. Totally let her go, and encourage her. But now is the time to start spinning plates. Girls that are head over heels don't go clubbing alone.

redpillhead · 2013-11-15T14:16:38+00:00

Yup this is why me and my ex split. She wanted to have girls night out all the time. When I said, "hey i like to go out, lets go together." Then she told me it was only her and the girls. So I just went and chilled with my boys. When I found out her girls were women cheating on their husbands, I told her this isn't going to work for me. That is when she let me know that no other people are there too. It isn't just the girls. So please let her go.

I told her this is what single girls do. Your acting the same way you did when we were on break. I won't stand for this. She said she has too much fun and she doesn't want to stop, also what about all the fun clubs she might miss out on in the future if she stays with me. So we split.

My opinion I will never, ever, ever date a girl again who wants to do girls night out all the time. If I knew then what I know now I would have left a long time ago.

The thing I will never forget about that conversation is she asked me why did I change because i used to not care about those things. I told her because back then I was just having fun, but I love you now and I can see you as my wife one day. That is the woman I want to be with, the way you used to be. Her response, I was the girl you had sex with on the first night. That is how she wanted to be seen. Club girls...never again.

Offensive_Brute · 2013-11-15T05:34:50+00:00

Clubbing isn't appropriate for relationships.

Archwinger · 2013-11-15T15:37:16+00:00

When your girlfriend of 2 years asks you if she can go out with her friends, without you, to a pick-up location, what she's actually asking you is, "Would it be okay if I went out and flirted a little bit with other guys? I don't plan on actually doing anything that constitutes cheating, just having a little harmless fun with my friends."

In her conscious mind, that would be a true statement. She's only planning on some harmless fun, and definitely isn't planning on cheating on you. That's why she can say "it just happened" and "I never meant to hurt you like this" when she does cheat." She really didn't plan on it. Not consciously, anyway.

But when you tell her yes, it's okay for her to go out and get attention from other males, that's not actually a show of trust and strength (i.e., "I'm so badass, I know you're going to go out, meet guys, and choose me anyway.") Women subconsciously perceive that kind of permission as weakness (i.e., "I don't have a lot of options with women and I'm afraid of losing you, so I'm afraid to tell you no and am instead giving you everything you ask for because I'm weak.") You totally could be a bad-ass guy who trusts her and isn't worried, but it doesn't matter -- if you let her do this, it will be subconsciously perceived by her girl brain as weakness even if you're letting her go because of strength and confidence.

Consciously, she will appreciate your trust and your willingness to give her what she wants. Subconsciously, she will be attracted to you less because you didn't set boundaries and failed her shit test. You gain a point or two of comfort and lose a point or two of attraction.

But here's where you lose out -- you only get a point or two of comfort, total,l out of letting her go, but EVERY time she goes out clubbing, she's a little less attracted to you and a little more resentful/contemptuous. And because she's out at a meat-market/pick-up location, it's far, far more important that she be attracted to you than be comfortable with you. Because her attraction to you will be compared with her attraction to new guys.

Letting her go makes her less attracted to you, and sends her directly into a position where she'll be open to attraction to other guys. There's no win here. Conversely, telling a girl no, setting boundaries, and making it very clear that you're willing to next her and move on if she doesn't comply builds some serious attraction. She'll bitch and hate you for about 5 minutes first, then give you hot sex that evening as long as you don't give in to her bitching.

Haraklus · 2013-11-15T03:34:01+00:00

Your girlfriend goes clubbing?

Meh, I'd ditch. Club girls ain't worth it.

Terry_Bruce_Dick · 2013-11-15T08:24:09+00:00

Drop her like a hot rock.

humpaa · 2013-11-15T11:19:36+00:00

Just know I've EASILY hooked up with girls who have "boyfriends" at clubs.

Spacelnvader · 2013-11-15T12:06:18+00:00

Hard to diagonse with this little information. But speaking of personal experience, I would say that she is on the prowl for some new cock. Sorry to say it this bluntly bro, but expect her to "feel distant" and "having to find herself" in the near future. I have been in your shoes...

BloodRoseTRP · 2013-11-15T03:13:54+00:00

I think this should be in /r/asktrp

The club environment facilitates approaches and sexual interactions. So don't be surprised if she is found to be sucking off "some guy she met". This environment, due to its nature, also promotes a "sluttiness" competition, in the sense of "who can snag the hottest guy". Even though she has you as a boyfriend, women are infamously known for their ability to hamster that away, especially since she doesn't actively invite you. To reiterate, there is a good possibility that she may one night stands.

To remedy this, I suggest you work to increase your SMV and revisit your frame so that she would want to spend more time with you. This three two birds, since it gets her out of the club, increases her attraction towards you, and in the scenario that you dump her, it will be a lot easier to get more plates spinning.

trplurker · 2013-11-15T02:55:40+00:00

It's 100% based on your frame.

My current gf has slutty friends that like to pull her out clubbing. She asked me if that was ok and I responded that she should tell her friends that her bf doesn't allow her to go clubbing without him. I then mentioned how would she feel if I went out clubbing with some of my single playboy friends. The response was "ok I'll tell her that". And later "I'm going to sleep over at her house, is that ok". My response "only if you take pictures, or better yet make a movie for me". Then "also when you come visit bring her along and introduce us, you can watch". She lives in another city about an hour away so we see each other every weekend when she comes up to my place.

Anyhow it's all in how disposable you make her feel. If she feels you can easily replace her then she'll be very careful to never make mistakes.

Edit:

Well just got off phone with GF, some funny shit. I asked her where my video was and the whole story came out.

Last night one of her slut friends wanted to go clubbing. They went to some bars and stuff but apparently her friend wanted male validation and GF wasn't going to go with her to the club. So at 2am (early by Korean standards) slut friend tells GF that "she's tired" and wants go home. Now they had already agreed that GF would be staying at slut friends house, but now slut friend didn't want her to go with her. Slut friend vanish's and GF comes home. My response was "she went to go get some dick from a guy who messaged her". GF's response "she probably went to a club anyway". I laughed really hard at that.

So yeah, hold your frame and communicate your boundaries. She can go to the club only if I'm with her or she's bringing me back a slut to fuck, while she watch's.

macardent · 2013-11-15T03:35:10+00:00

My ex girlfriend went clubbing with her single friends when we were together. She ended up leaving me a month later. From what I understood about women from RP is that she might have been cheating on me because now when I look back at the things she was doing as out relationship ended, like telling me she wouldn't love me as much as her ex. She is playing basketball with her work friends. She never mentioned anything about basketball. Long story short, she started becoming unavailable after she went clubbing with her friends and I could sense loosing her and I did.

So my friend, tell her you are not okay with this. PERIOD. Be a man and tell her how it is.

SupGirluHungry · 2013-11-15T02:44:33+00:00

Does she ever invite you? Or have you brought up going out with her to the club?

Offensive_Brute · 2013-11-15T10:11:02+00:00

dont let society psyche you out. your gut feeling is the appropriate feeling.

If you wanna keep her you need to take her down a peg. Make her feel like maybe its you that wants to step out on her. Her focus will switch from finding a better man, to keeping you, because if you are rejecting her, how can she ever hope to find a better man?

Power perceived is power achieved. Don't go through a whole lot of effort when smoke and mirrors will achieve the same result.

After reading that you live in different cities an hour apart, I can't help but feel like you are just wasting time with this chick, yours and hers. Keep her until you find something closer, but I wouldnt expend too much effort trying to keep her. An hour drive is just too inconvenient.

[deleted] · 2013-11-15T14:30:52+00:00

The way I've always explained it to girlfriends is if you wouldn't grind on a bunch of dudes when I'm there then why would would acceptable when I'm not. You have every right to feel uneasy about your girl going clubbing

musicvita25 · 2013-11-15T11:37:00+00:00

Honestly, there is one solution alone that can put you at ease;

Go out to clubs too, every time she goes out, you do too.

Nothing worse then you sat in youre pants at home and you imagining what youre gf is doing in a club.

Dont by any means go out WITH her. Thats just a disaster.

TheeRyanGrey · 2013-11-15T21:46:49+00:00

You have every right to be upset. I've spent my life in clubs and the amount of women there to "just dance with their girlfriends" slowly dwindles to 0 as the night goes on.

See, she may have started out with such intentions, but her friends are there to find men to sleep with. So the night goes on, drinks are being bought for them, and if she's halfway decent she'll reject the first guy that hits on her. Oh she'll take the drink, then tell him after she has a serious boyfriend.

But then the magic happens and her friends start pairing up one by one. Their bonds of friendship quickly break the second attraction and arousal take place. Now she's all alone, feeling both lonely and unwanted, self-esteem plummeting, alcohol washing away inhibitions. Then some guy asks her to dance and she thinks, "it's ok, it's just dancing". Then he starts grinding on her, she feels the pulsating rhythms, the feel of his want and desire pressed against her neck, and her arousal kicks in. She's never had to turn down being attracted before and she quickly rationalizes that it's not cheating if she kisses him just this once.

If your girl still has to go clubbing every week then you might've fucked up and put your eggs into a slutty basket. I've seen many men in your position and they go one of two ways:

A.They get mad about it but never make their anger known. They play the Good Guy and let her go. Eventually she cheats on him and he finds out about it somewhere between tomorrow and two years later.

B.You put your foot down, let her know you're not about that life, and if she needs to go clubbing that badly that's fine, her choice, you just won't stick around for it.

If she leaves then let her leave, clearly her clubbing is more important than you and you've saved yourself ALOT OF TIME. If she acquiesces to your demand then you've gained not only a decent girl but the upper hand in the relationship.

Exactly_what_I_think · 2013-11-15T02:50:53+00:00

Dose she give you shit when you and "the guys" go to a strip club?

kzwrp · 2013-11-15T11:51:06+00:00

Read the sidebar ------------------------>

Also, read your way through /r/BecomeAMan

then return, and the answer will be obvious.

thewrightstuff88 · 2013-11-15T14:09:49+00:00

It's going to be tough to not let her go out because it would most likely cause problems, the best thing to do is let her do it but run dread game when she does this to be reminded what you're capable of and to put her in her place.

[deleted] · 2013-11-15T15:07:19+00:00

Plate: Who the hell cares

Short term girlfriend: Next

Long term girlfriend: Why didn't you ask this two years ago? Some rare girls enjoy going out just to dance with their female friends, but I doubt you found that unicorn. Her friends are all single - why the hell do you think they're going out all the time?

sidtheladiesman217 · 2013-11-15T16:07:37+00:00

It's fine; go clubbing with your friends. If she doesn't get worried or ask you any questions I think it may be a red flag. Tell her you can be the DD, if she gets mad then you know you're ruining her initial plans of hooking up with another dude.

Offensive_Brute · 2013-11-15T03:23:52+00:00

Does she let you go to the club with your friends?

If she doesn't, then I don't see why this shouldn't concern you.

Manuel_S · 2013-11-17T03:58:55+00:00

Its a bad sign. Not a killer one, but bad.

Sometimes they are pressured by their peer group into proving that they're "still their own women", that they "aren't owned" and so on. If they don't go - they're made fun of by the others. Or being shamed because she no longer goes out with her friends and is not a good friend or some such. Men do it too.

If she wants to go, though, is maybe she's getting tired of you and wants to do a market research.

Regardless of motivation, you'll be compared to others in an exciting setting. Also, some alpha comes up and gives her the tingles, well...

aaron_the_just · 2013-11-15T14:42:30+00:00

(a) Why do you have a "girlfriend" - are you exclusive/in an LTR? Stop doing that.

(b) "Clubbing" is an activity females engage in order to feel validated by experience large quantities of male attention.

[deleted] · 2013-11-16T04:56:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

bsutansalt · 2013-11-15T17:49:12+00:00

Women go to clubs for the attention and validation first and foremost. Music? Nope, they can listen to their favorite music at home in their sweatpants. Hanging out with their girlfriends? Hope, they can do that at someone's home too. Drinks? Lol, no. They can have drinks at home for a fraction of the price. So what's missing at home that they can get at a club? Oh, that's right, male attention.

My gf and I have a very simple rule: she doesn't drink if she goes out with friends. It keeps at bay the most common type of cheating in our demographic these days: the drunken hookup. I mean she's free to go out and drink and all that noise, but she knows that she can't be with me if that's the case.

The main thing the OP needs to recognize is that his gf isn't relationship material if she's out clubbing all the time. Going out once in a blue moon is understandable, and that she shouldn't be getting blitzed when she does those handful of times a year.

Pyrollamas · 2013-11-15T18:03:53+00:00

Don't worry, you gotta have faith :)

cagethepepper · 2013-11-15T08:22:59+00:00

Don't be too paranoid. I have a friend who has had a boyfriend for years and years and she goes clubbing with her friends cuz they are all single.

Having said that, she told me about this one guy who goes clubbing who "is totally not hot, but he thinks he's all that" which she admitted made her wanna make out with him.

So, yeah, women are women. That confused me a lot pre-TRP.

Edit: I also wanna mention this girl loves her boyfriend like stupid.

[deleted] · 2013-11-15T14:46:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

abstractattack · 2013-11-15T16:09:55+00:00

My girl goes clubbing. The way I see it (and this is only a response to those that fear the idea that the girl is on the prowl) if she has some agenda and wants to get a hook up that is her problem. I am ten fold the man any of those collard shirt pussies will ever be. What guy goes to a bar/club for the sake of dancing. Guys are there hunting. And they are only hunting the weak shitty girls that fuck up or are fuck ups.

So again, If she wants to stoop to that level I am willing to throw out that used trash.

Side note. I have given in and gone to a club with my woman. I love watching her tell dudes to fuck off be cause she has a MAN.

Edit: have to add my favorite story. My girlfriend is very clever. She let a dude buy her a drink. Then came back to me. I could see the dude looking like "i just got played". I later walked over to him and thanked him because I didn't have to spend my money for that expensive cosmo. The look on his face was priceless when he realized he got gamed by a couple.

Edit 2: Downvotes? Explain that. You guys are in hear trying to be RP but circle jerking blue pill. Make your Fucking woman feel sexy at home so she does not have to seek a club. And if your insecure don't give a god Damn answer that everyone wants to hear. Not very red pill at all now is it? If your not man enough to keep her feeling sexy then your not man enough for her.

emein · 2013-11-15T10:43:04+00:00

think of it as a night off. go hang with some bubbies you haven't seen in awhile. Or the forever-a-loner in me says just get wasted by youself

Title	Girlfriend going clubbing
Author	everydaymotherfucker
Upvotes	46
Comments	114
Date	November 15, 2013 2:41 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1qnx0u/girlfriend_going_clubbing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/girlfriend-going-clubbing.7979 https://theredarchive.com/post/7979

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