I used to be a 'Nice Guy.' What a dishonest piece of shit I was.

I had a few honest moments in my past relationship where frustration temporarily gave me the boost I needed in my confidence and I’d say what I wanted. I remember having an argument with my ex once and during it she yelled, “What do you want from me?!” and without hesitation, I calmly said, “I want you get naked and go wait for me in the bedroom until I’m ready for you.”

We were both shocked. This was very different language than I had ever used before. She was expecting my typical response, which would be something like, “I want you to spend time with me. It feels like you don’t want to be around me, and I feel like it’s always ME begging for YOUR time!”

To my absolute surprise, it worked. She gave me this look that I now interpret as her saying, “It’s about time.” Then she stripped right there and headed off to the bedroom. I stood still for a few minutes thinking to myself, “How the fuck did that work?”

The reason it worked is because she was desperate for direction and wanted a man who was a true leader. She wanted an Alpha male, which I certainly was not, but neither of us knew what our subconscious signals were saying. I thought she was a “bitch” and “controlling.” She thought I was “nice” and “romantic.” Those are distorted interpretations of what’s going on. She wasn’t a bitch or controlling, she was testing my masculinity because she wants to feel safe and protected enough to let her guard down. I wasn’t nice and romantic; I was a dishonest salesman. I was selling what I thought all women were buying, but I wasn’t being my true self and she could sense that there was something about me that signaled she shouldn’t put her guard down.

However, in that moment of honesty, she felt safe. She saw a man who knew what he wanted, and confident enough to go after it. This doesn’t mean you can just take what you want fellas, but you should be confident enough to go for it and give her the option of hopping on board or staying ashore. Don’t waste your time pursuing a woman in a dishonest fashion and then get mad at her when she isn’t interested.