How do you become a more confident speaker?

defenderzeta · 2014-11-09T05:09:23+00:00

Good places to start is your local toastmasters and the.dale.carnegie courses. If your tonality is bad then roger loves vocal power series. Listen to master speakers on the TED videos which are free.

pinche_trp · 2014-11-09T07:55:16+00:00

Having a natural passion for self-help materials and speakers, I found myself enjoying public speaking because of all the fun I see my favorite speakers have on the stage. When you see them and really find that stuff cool, you feel compelled to do it too. I got lots of tricks from amazing speakers. When I had to do it in college, I was a superstar based on two points:

1 - Have something to say (inspired by your favorite speakers)

2 - Do it like they do it.

Now I can do it in front of 5 or 500 people with zero issues. I just love it so much.

Castaway77 · 2014-11-09T06:18:11+00:00

Practice and actually knowing your speech by heart.

Saturnalia93 · 2014-11-09T04:58:25+00:00

Speak slower and with a more deliberate tone. Cutting out filler like "oh" and "um" will mostly take care of that first requirement without you having to do much at all. Maintain eye contact as well.

2014-11-09T05:54:38+00:00

You be right. You think you are right. You can be arguing that the sky is red while standing outside, and some son of a bitch is going to seriously consider your point if you come off sounding like you believe yourself. You can be comfortable speaking in front of people, and it sounds like you are- the next step is to believe what you are saying.

pcadrian · 2014-11-09T12:11:24+00:00

This is what worked for me, so if you have the opportunity to do it, great. Find opportunities to talk about something you are knowledgeable about.

I did a lot of tutoring in my undergrad, and looking back I was extremely confident (only) when I was talking about my subject. I never saw it as "public speaking" though, partly because my audience was small (5-10 people, rarely more). It was just my job, and I was talking about something I was very good at, and loved to do. So naturally I was very excited and energetic during my tutoring, without even realizing the positive effect it had on my overall confidence. It was just accidental, a side effect.

Somehow after doing this for 1-2 years, some of that confidence began to spill over in other areas of my life (unfortunately not with women, at least not until the red pill). So I got to the point where I could do speeches about anything and for any classes, and not feel any anxiety. I saw it as fun, and I sure as hell had fun with it. Sprinkling humour in my speeches is something I really enjoy doing. I threw away the norms of a regular speech, where the person is standing there like a robot going through the presentation. I let my personality shine through instead, sometimes through regular humour, but sometimes by sharing short (and usually funny) personal stories relating to the topic at hand.

Of course this connection with my audience was unconscious at the time: my goal was just to have fun doing the speech, and everything else somehow fell into place. I didn't sit down and contemplate the psychology of this story will really help me connect with the audience and make me look like a more confident speaker, instead it was more basic, something like this will be pretty funny to say.

I carried this outside of school, in the corporate world with ease (of course, I had to be more selective of the humour I'd use). It seemed all of my colleagues were extremely uncomfortable and frankly boring when giving speeches, simply because they were trying to appear very business-like and use big words. I was the opposite, brought life to my speeches, and had fun with it.

mrust · 2014-11-09T15:29:53+00:00

When you lack confidence, that can manifest itself in certain behaviors that that the speech coach is trained to look for.

So you can gain confidence in two ways:

Firstly, Speak about a topic that you are knowledgable and passionate about. If you know you are the authority, that will come through.

Secondly, and this is my preferred approach, speak OFTEN on a variety of topics. The practice you get will make you more comfortable with the stage and if you focus on eliminating those behaviors that the speech coach noticed, you will come across as more confident while having a more diverse range as a speaker.

Here's a general list off the top of my head that shows lack of confidence:

shuffling of feet
swaying
hands in pockets
hands clasped
looking at floor or ceiling while trying to think of what to say
speaking too quietly
not meeting people's eyes
speaking too quickly
speaking without pauses
using unnecessary filler words and phrases (uhm, ah, so, )

It's too much to rememember so you have to pick one that you exhibit the most and work on it. Once you have it handled, move onto the next.

2014-11-09T17:06:46+00:00

Toastmasters.

It's cheap ($36 every 6 months for membership). You will meet people and socialize, which is always good. Their training materials are excellent, and you will be giving speeches weekly in front of a group, with the group evaluating and critiquing your style and telling you what you can do better. It's a VERY good course. Work your way up the ladder which should take you a couple years, and you will be a top notch public speaker.

The biggest, by far, thing you can do to become a good public speaker is just to do it a lot. Toastmasters gives you this opportunity. Once you've been in front of an audience a couple hundred times, trust me, it just starts to become routine and easy.

GayLubeOil · 2014-11-09T20:26:43+00:00

Im going to give you some very powerful nonconventional advice. Go to costume parties at clubs dressed in rediculus outfits. Stripper Cop. Sexy Chef. Greek God. If you can dance half naked in front of a crowd you can do some public speeking. People say being in a frat is a big waste of time. They are wrong.

sexowlinyourwindow · 2014-11-09T07:32:43+00:00

The only thing that has ever made me a more effective speaker was passion for whatever I'm talking about. I would get into it, and listeners would light up. Even about shit they don't actually care about. If I had to talk about unimportant crap, I um and ah and monotone until I say fuck it and quit. Because no one cares. Certainly not me.

I don't think the number of people you're talking to really matters if you have passion. That's hard to control.

Day to day, I am all over the place on confidence purely based on mood. I have to remind myself of all the awesome shit I've done, been a part of, stood up for, whatever.

That's just me, though. Is your problem conversation or talking to groups?

dustyterran · 2014-11-09T12:35:14+00:00

If you're struggling with mumbling, speak louder then you typically do. At first I felt as though I was yelling at people, but I found myself getting more positive feedback during conversation and it eventually became my norm.

Also, don't be afraid of silence. Take time to think about what is being said in a conversation and process your response. A lot of people jump to fill silence, let it hang about while you formulate a good response, this will also help with the "um/ah/oh" problems you may have.

dropkickoz · 2014-11-09T14:36:32+00:00

Try to speak about things you know and can get excited about. Others will pick up on your enthusiasm.

cheechawcheechaw · 2014-11-09T15:32:32+00:00

Pace - avoid being jittery. Speak in a calm manner (watch how actors are speaking in their roles).

Body language - stop slouching and touching your face. Avoid eccentric gestures. Keep your head up.

Language - no 'uhm's and 'ehhh's.

No_disintegrations · 2014-11-09T17:17:34+00:00

Confidence in speaking (or more importantly, your audience's perception of your confidence) comes from three things: knowledge, preparation, and tone.

The first two are obvious any time I see a presenter speak without having reviewed their material or subject matter. You catch yourself, correct yourself, and give the impression of being unsure or just flat out stupid.

As for tone, one bit of feedback common is to always speak slower than what even feels slow for you. Usually that's the proper pace. Breathe deep and project from your diaphragm.

loddfavne · 2014-11-11T20:55:34+00:00

Talk to people. Confidence is just the knowledge that you master social interactions.

trpalternate · 2014-11-09T06:15:22+00:00

Some colleges have public speaking classes that you can take. I took public speaking from the Drama department at my school and it did wonders for me.

BasedGodCometh · 2014-11-09T06:10:36+00:00

Have a well prepared speech. Know about what you're going to talk about.

cthulhucumsicle · 2014-11-09T15:10:29+00:00

Improv classes. Took away all my anxiety and nerves-them it became easy and fun to get better skills.

drrrrrr · 2014-11-09T21:29:00+00:00

Speak more. The problem sounds like it's with your speaking skills not necessarily your inner game, meaning you just need to get past the experience threshold. I would consider myself a pretty decent public speaker and it's because in college I signed up for a few classes that didn't really teach anything I didn't know, but instead made every student speak in front of the class every single session. Every day for 2 semesters I was speaking in front of 50 people - often only for like 1 min, maybe once a week a good 10 minutes. The professor and materials were crap, it was all stuff you could find online and you probably know.

The experience, however, was gold. When you know what to do (and if you are on here and you're aware of your desire to improve at public speaking, you likely know the nuts and bolts) you just need to up the time spent practicing.

Public speaking is not like learning the guitar, where having a great teacher is integral for most people who aren't musically gifted enough to just "feel" how to learn the instrument themselves. If you don't have a musical bone in your body, 1000 hours spent practicing won't do much. But a great teacher will get you playing songs in maybe 100 hours.

With public speaking though, stage time is king. As you spend time speaking in public, it just becomes SPEAKING, not public speaking, and then since you sound like a reasonable put together confident person, there will be no issue. Just look for ways to be "on stage". If you're telling a story to a friend and you notice a few people are leaning in to listen, instead of backing off and toning down so only your friend can hear, just bring out the story and up your voice a little, so everyone can participate. Looking for small instances to grind the skill of public speaking is just like learning pick up; get into the mentality of "if there is an opportunity to public speak, I must go for it instantly, whether or not I have the perfect thing to say".

ratthing · 2014-11-09T23:59:24+00:00

I've been a college professor for 25 years and also an IT consultant and IT architect. I currently make my living in my "day job" working for a very large IT company, where I do training and education on AI technologies, which requires me to speak in front of corporate and research types on a weekly basis.

All of the advice given here so far is very good. But the one thing that helped me the most was to record myself on video then review the results. When I first did that over 20 years ago, I was horrified at how meek I came across. I resolved right there to work on it, and over the years have developed a very confident, knowledgeable style that has been very successful for me.

So I would recommend getting some video of yourself giving talks, and ask yourself if what you could do differently to come across as more confident and authoritative.

Lack of confidence is the number one factor that destroys teachers and professors. If your students sense that you are not confident, they will tear you apart. Lack of confidence is obviously important in business settings, especially when someone has either paid a lot of money for you to be there, or thinking about paying a lot of money for you.

It's all in the body language and in the tone that you deliver your message. And it takes practice, going over videos of yourself until you can honestly say, "This guy looks and sounds confident".

If you look at your videos and don't see a problem, yet others are telling you that there IS a problem, then that's a whole different thing you need to work on first. That's where you go and find good speakers and watch them, see what they do, and try and identify the differences between your own style and the better styles of others.

Good luck!

eccentricrealist · 2014-11-10T00:54:25+00:00

I think I'm a little late to the party, but if you have the time and willpower, be a waiter for a month, OP, it'll work wonders.

smokingmonkey420 · 2014-11-10T03:35:07+00:00

From Don Miguel's The 4 Agreements.

"Be impeccable with your word." Look it up. Fantastic advice.

Also, consider the source. This guy who is a professional speech coach wouldn't make any money if you didn't "need help."

chillmonkey88 · 2014-11-10T07:37:03+00:00

Become reaction seeking free... when you take out the anticipation of what the listener wants to hear you become fluent and congruent with your point. Making it easier to understand...

Tld:r idgaf

thinktankman · 2014-11-10T12:05:10+00:00

Taking acting classes and improv classes best investment ever

Subtletorious · 2014-11-09T11:55:54+00:00

Confessions of a Former Public Speaking Trainer: Don't Waste Your Money

http://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2012/04/19/public-speaking-trainer-confesses-dont-waste-your-money-on-this/

(Don't overlook it just because it is in Forbeswomen)

"As I discuss in Power of Presence, the type of presentation ability that propels careers and builds followership comes from the inside out. You can learn it — but not in a training class on superficial attributes."

The author http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qeaE5tf2-s

Title	How do you become a more confident speaker?
Author	rusty84
Upvotes	40
Comments	35
Date	November 9, 2014 4:57 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2lql6t/how_do_you_become_a_more_confident_speaker/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-do-you-become-a-more-confident-speaker.24554 https://theredarchive.com/post/24554

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