Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster - Nietzsche
Introduction/ Note to the reader
Dear reader,
I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit for some pussy. I’ve lied to women, emotionally manipulated them, promised them shit then didn’t deliver… yeah, I’ve got demons.
This is an extremely long post because I’m giving you a shit load of examples. Chances are, if you’re not a complete virgin, you’ll see a bit of yourself through the examples even if you didn’t live them exactly as I did.
If you are a complete virgin or you’re new to TRP, the examples are there for you to avoid as you progress. All the pussy in the world doesn’t mean a thing if you can’t even look in the mirror without seeing all the pain you’ve caused to our mothers, daughters, and sisters.
I hate what I’ve become. Don’t be like me.
I became attractive to get girls, I became Chad, and the world I was inducted into horrifies me. I want out. - Heathcliff--
I've connected with every girl I've ever fucked and had to sever that connection, and it must fuck them up, fuck them up real bad.- Heathcliff--
I held Carly tightly as her tears soaked my sleeveless shirt. It’s hard seeing a woman cry, especially when you know in your heart of hearts you’re the cause of her tears.
“I… I promise you I’m not crying. I’m just sweating a lot…”
I didn’t answer. I continued to feel her hot tears seep through my shirt.
“You know, I really really like you…”
I stayed silent for a while.
“You’re going to be okay,” I finally reassured her, “you’re going to be okay.”
”Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.” – Mary Tyler Moore
I cried myself to sleep the night Emily left. I was 16 years old and she was my first and last love. One day she came into class with tears streaming down her face. I smiled. I knew it was my time to shine. I let her walk all over me in hopes of winning her heart. I gave her the answers to every quiz, did her homework, brought her flowers, made her cookies. All she did was take it in stride. She got alpha widowed by some jacked volleyball player and was using me for attention. At the time, I couldn’t have been more clueless.
I went to my closest friend Johnny, Johnny was a pussy slayer. He had it all. The body, the bitches, the power; I wanted what he had.
He laughed when I told him about what happened to me.
“You need to take the redpill,” he told me in between bouts of wheezing laughter.
I read the sidebar like the bible.
I praised the Gods of Iron daily, now I'm on my way to setting a state record.
I became a man.
“It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.” - Unknown
The metal music blasting in my ears was rudely interrupted by my ringtone.
“Hey, are we still good for tonight?”
I just failed another PR and this bitch has the audacity to think I give a fuck about our date?
“Anna, no. I’m busy. Go do something else.”
“But I was looking forward to-”
“I really don’t give a shit. I’m busy.”
I hung up.
I didn’t want her to know how excited I was to see her.
Hard truths can be dealt with, triumphed over, but lies will destroy your soul. - Patricia Briggs
“Babe… you like me, right?”
I really wanted her to stop talking. I couldn’t stop staring at her thighs. Judy was a clingy bitch but my god I wanted her to choke me in between those things.
Oh, she asked me a question?
“Yeah yeah I like you. You’re cool.”
She paused.
“I’m… cool?”
I wondered what her bra size was. Double D’s? Maybe? Who knows. Tiddies.
“Do you even really like me? You never open up. All you do is let me compliment you and you always brush it off and tear me down.”
“Jesus, babe I’m joking.”
Judy tilted her head down.
“You’re just passing time…”
She was right, but I could never let her know that.
I gave her a tight hug and kissed her on the forehead.
“So, we’re okay, right, babe? You like me?”
“Of course baby.”
I lied. I didn’t like her. I liked doing whatever the fuck I wanted to her.
The next morning I kissed her goodbye. As I drove off I looked in my rearview mirror and saw a fabricated grin and wide eyes. I knew it would be the last time I saw her.
“I was scared nearly out of my mind. I've faced blazing guns in the hands of angry men, which is bad; and daggers in the hands of angry women, which is a thousand times worse.” - Stephen King
Hola clase, comparta algo sobre la persona que está a su lado. (Hello class, share something about the person next to you.)
“ALL HE DOES IS FUCKING LIFT WEIGHTS.”
The entire class turned around.
Anna’s eyes were bloodshot red.
“Scepter might as well work at the fucking gym.”
I looked her up and down.
“Damn, you didn’t have to do me like tha-”
“Am I wrong, though? You treat me like shit whenever something doesn’t go right in someplace filled with sweaty dudes. We get it, you’re strong, but when will you actually be kind?”
Kind?
“You never stop loving someone. You just learn to live without them.” - Tupac Shakur
Emily sent me an email after all these years. She said she “thought about me” and just wanted to “catch-up.”
I didn’t waste any time getting her number. This is it; I’m gonna fuck the girl that turned me into the psychopathic monster I am now.
Or so I thought. I called her to “catch-up” and set up a date.
I’ll never forget the fear in her voice when she answered the phone. She just wanted the old me. The me that loved her. The me that would cherish her at all costs. She wasn’t expecting who I had become. Whoever had fucked her over did a great job.
I didn’t care. I just wanted to fuck her. How poetic would that be? Fucking the woman that put you through so much emotional turmoil.
She was going on and on about how excited she was to talk to me and about what really happened to her during high school. I just kept saying “uh-huh” waiting for my chance to cut her off.
“Look, Emily, I feel really bad for you, and I think you’re in a shitty situation. We should go out tomorrow night.”
Her voice changed from excited to monotone. She realized I was just going to pump her and dump her like all the rest and I was no longer just the soft listening ear she once knew.
She said she’d “let me know.” I hung up the phone.
I never heard from her again.
“Sometimes mortals can be more horrible than monsters.” - Rick Riordan
I kicked the sugar baby out of my hotel without paying her. Whatever. Women lie to us and treat us like shit all the time. Why can’t I? Besides, she should be lucky a jacked motherfucker like me did whatever he could to fuck her.
I layed down on the hotel bed. I couldn’t sleep. I could still smell her on the bedsheets. Her widened eyes when she realized I scammed her haunted me.
I just want to get rid of my bleeding heart. Why can't I shed my humanity?
“I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations — one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it — you will regret both.” - Soren Kierkegaard
Judy left. She said I didn’t love her enough. She said she felt uncomfortable and fearful around me.
“I need a man that’s going to actually love me. Actually cherish me and make me feel good. You’re a great man, Scepter, a strong one, but I need more than strength. Goodbye.”
I felt bad for a total of 92 mins. But the kindness I could have shown her still haunts me to this day.
Sorry, Judy. I was just another man that used you for your body.
“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” ― Michael J. Fox
Anna stopped talking to me. Word has it I “insulted her” too much and made her feel “insecure” and “nervous.”
Sorry, Anna. Maybe you deserved to be treated better.
“People with BPD are like people with third-degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” ― Marsha Linehan
Carly. Poor Carly. She has BPD and for some reason, I “feel right” according to her. She told me she loved me on the first date. I didn’t respond. She hugged me tightly and said
“It’s okay if you don’t love me back. I wanna give everything to you, you feel right. I dunno. Something about you.”
Yikes. This girl might actually mean what she said… for now.
Doesn’t matter. Free ass.
I told her everything she wanted to hear and I didn't mean a word of it.
"Yeah there's just something right about you too..."
"You feel right, I think we could be something..."
So on and so forth.
I didn't think twice about what I was doing until she was resting her head in my lap. I looked into her eyes and saw a little girl that was never loved. I realized that she was hoping to get the love she's always craved from me.
I was right. She went on to tell me about how her parents were never around and how her last boyfriend made her feel inadequate. I don't know if she was telling the truth or not but it doesn't matter. Her eyes told me the entire story. Something, or someone, had hurt her into becoming this BPD girl looking for somebody to ease her pain. She straightened up and I saw her eyes begin to water. She held me tightly and let it all out.
I cried on the way home.
I realized I was no better than the men who had damaged these women in the first place. I am the cause of their suffering, I am the cause of their agony, I am the cause of their pain.
I hate the monster I've become.
For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. - Galatians 6:3
I'm done hurting women just to feed my own ego. I'm not going to be a complete beta bitch, but I'm not gonna be a sadistic motherfucker either. Being cruel isn't good for my psyche, my frame, and the women that will have a large role in procreating the next generation.
I will be gentle, yet firm.
Loving, yet bold.
Kind, yet observant.
This is the final stage of the redpill: Acceptance. Loving women for what they are and still being a man with pride that's on his mission and purpose.
I'm ready to learn how to love women again, and most importantly, learn how to love myself and earn my own self-respect.
I'm ready to be human again.
[–]Modredpillschool[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (8 children) | Copy Link
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[–]SKRedPill1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
He's totally been in a woman's frame for the entirety of his journey. None of it is really in a frame of his own.
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[–]SKRedPill3 points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
There is one question you haven't asked or answered yourself -- Do you realize that whoever you were - whether you were a beta, then a guy in the anger phase, then a pump and dump player, and now again swinging back to being nice bordering on purple pill -- that in every single stage, women were firmly in control of you the whole time?
It's a late realization for many of us, and it can happen multiple times, that it sometimes hits us that just like the Nice Guy for whom dad is still at the back and bottom of his mind, after doing everything seemingly right, women are still in control?
Do you realize that the emotional brain essentially runs on the patterns it has been fed in your lifetime? This is exactly why he who fights monsters, often becomes the very thing he swore to defeat -- that is exactly the game your emotional patterns want you to play. And the opposite of crazy, is still crazy.
So who are you? Have you accepted yourself truthfully first?
If everything you've ever done was all a gigantic reaction to what a woman did to you, somewhere you must recognize that these patterns exist, release them and move on. Or else nothing you do is really in your frame. To be fair, virtually all of us are to various extents. Some of us know it a bit more, others have yet to see.
You tell us who you are and who you want to be, as authentically yourself.
Besides, this is just the same old story. There are moments of attraction where you're so totally overwhelmed you've lost yourself, it feels like 7th heaven, then slowly it becomes all about you and your needs and her and her needs. It's the zeroth law of relationships -"Relationships are all about needs". This phase is just the beginning of uncovering the covert contracts. If at this stage, neither of you are aware enough to spot it arising in the moment, the same old story will repeat. Over time, it will go from this to more of "she she she" -- you will swing back to pleasing her ever more at the cost of yourself, and once the attractive you has been ground down to the service of "she", she's now so full of her own ego and you're such a shadow of your past that that there's no more attraction, and you know what comes next.
Look, relationships (and life) isn't static. There is no 50-50 middle line that runs perfectly straight. Relationships are dynamic and they're are going to flow.
If you don't wanna be cruel and don't like what you're doing, don't do it. It's a free world. Nowhere do you really have as much choice as with yourself. You're the man brother. But is it truly your choice? Tomorrow are you going to be defined by her smiles and sobs again? Have you genuinely expanded your awareness and you're doing it because you've truly learned the consequences of your actions? Or is it because she cried and this entire realization is merely being reactive to her emotional frame?
Recognize the pattern to break it consciously. The choice is yours now - to continue on the pendulum or to take a better path. Then you can be authentic and actually offer something that's truly yours.
[–]kingslayer-x_x 8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]SKRedPill2 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
It would be better to think of "in-love" feeling as a kind of drug just like any other pleasure addiction - it's like a reward for your life lived that comes once a while and stays on for a while longer, but we really need to be ok with letting it come and go. Great on the occasion for a while, can even be motivating and bring you to a new intensity for a while, but it's dangerous on larger durations where it leads you to stop actually loving yourself to stay in that high. I always like to think of emotion as "half a love" -- the other half is being wise with yourself.
Love is a great problem when you want to feel emotionally good all the time, but when we do so, it also strengthens the emotionally bad parts that are codependent. Truth is, that's just not healthy -- you need other emotional states to be productive, focused, determined -- that's only possible with a clear head, even if it means you're not high at those times and may even be exhausted at the end of the day.
Love is fine when it comes, and we must be thankful when it goes and just go on. We really must learn to be ok with losing our pleasures too to avoid going down a destructive path. The moment you wanna own it forever, your decline begins.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46473/if--- -- IF just happens to be my favourite poem.
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"If you don't know every word from 'The Rational Male' off by heart you are not red pilled!!!!!"
Ok.
[–]a123b121 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Lmao. Honest question though, how did you extrapolate this from my comment?
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"Muh moralizing" brigade coming in 3...2...1...
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[+]1millionbucks-2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Hmm a throwaway that only comments on this thread, I wonder who it could belong to. Literally you are so fucking beta that you can't even respond to critics with your own account which is itself anonymous. Get help dude.
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Jesus this is written like Michael Scott. All you talk about is how strong and jacked you are. So little self awareness
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[–]AlexKarter2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I love how you start this post with a totally out of context quote by Nietzsche who himself said “the worst readers” are those who scavenge his writings and take just bits here and there wherever it suits their interests.
It’s posts like this that give a bad name to TRP. People who haven’t even read the sidebar once get laid by acting like a total ass to girls and think they’re totaled red pilled and the second coming of Jesus. Then you go and “teach” other blue pills how “alpha” you are and the cycle of this sub degenerating continues. If you wanna delude yourself that’s fine but don’t dilute this sub with even more nonsense.
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What exactly is the lesson?
[–]darkstar10311 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Go back to the top and read the entire post again. I know it hurts, but you're gonna have to engage your brain and think a little. Your the product of a quarter million years of humanity, men just like you have created and built the world around you, so I know your capable of reading and comprehending a few paragraphs.
Stop asking people to do your thinking for you.
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