Setting up a date the right way.

I've been a lurker on TRP for quite some time now. I've learned a lot from this place and I figured it's time to start contributing to the main page. In the last few months, I've begun contributing to AskTRP more often and can't help but notice how the majority of guys are going the wrong way about one of the most important aspects of the dating process: MEETING UP WITH THE ACTUAL FEMALE.

But before I get all of this started, I want to make this very clear. Always be polarizing. What does it mean to 'polarize'? When you polarize, you're sticking your neck out to get either a "yes" or a "no". Basically, you have to make yourself vulnerable to rejection. Mark Manson does a great job of explaining this in Models. This will save you time and help you get where you want to go faster. This is a numbers game and we want to get through the "no's" so we can NEXT and find the "yes's". Polarization and vulnerability shows that you are a man who knows what he wants and is not afraid to do what it takes to get it.

----So, you got her number. Now what do you do?----

There's two ways you can go about this, with the preferred method being the latter:

1. Text her your name immediately. Most of the time, I'll get something along the lines of a ";)" or a "Thanks!" back (both being IOIs), unless I'm standing right there. Sometimes I don't get a response, which is okay.

2. Wait until the end of the night and send: "Hey name, it was nice meeting you tonight." That's it. This is basically to see if you get any response (IOI). Normally, I'll get a response along the lines of: "It was nice meeting you too!". If she uses your name in the sentence and didn't have your number saved, that's a major IOI. She was anticipating your text.

After you do this, whatever response you get from her, do not respond. The next time you talk to her is going to be you setting a day and time to meet up.

QUICK NOTE

I see way too many guys trying to build rapport through texting. STOP. That's what meeting up in person is for. You cannot do this through texting. It's too impersonal. I've seen people say it in here before: Texting is for logistics only. It really is that simple. The whole point in you getting her phone number is so that you can reach out to her about setting up a day and time to meet up again. And I'll explain how to do that correctly.

----Initiating----

Once I get a number, I'll normally wait until the second day to initiate. Some guys like to wait a day or two longer, but the point is to not display neediness in contacting her the very next day. And if you made a big enough of an impression, it can help build sexual tension in her waiting for you to contact her.

You can start off with any simple opener, such as a "Hey, what's going on?" or "Hey, what's up?". After that, do not text her anything else. Wait. The point of the initial text is to just get back a response, which will let you know if she is receptive to you. If you don't get a response back, NEXT. That was easy. Normally, you'll get back something along the lines of:

"Hey, I'm doing this and this. What about you?" or "Hey, what's up?"

This is where most guys want to start with small talk texting. But you already know not to do that. Here, we're going to be straight forward. Just state your intentions. Polarize. But, first...

QUICK NOTE

When you're setting up a date, you want to set it up in the best way possible for sex to happen. You're not friends with this chick, or trying to be. You are sexually interested in her. Don't ask her out on a lunch date or any type of date during the day that has no potential to escalate. Remember: In order for sex to happen, it must be the man's fault. So, it's your job to lead the way and make it happen. Do yourself a favor and set this up the right way.

----Setting the Date----

Once she responds, you're just going to be honest. Maybe something like:

"That's cool. I was actually going to see if you'd want to go grab a drink sometime this week. Do you have any nights open?"

Notice how I asked her if she had any nights open! I've seen so many guys go on AskTRP complaining: "I told her she should come out with me Friday and she said she already made plans! or "She said she was busy that night!" You don't say! She was busy?! No way! Newsflash guys: Women do have lives and have other shit going on. She could very well be telling the truth. Some guys would simply say that she could just suggest another night. And some women, if they're interested enough, will do that. But why would you expect her to do that or rely on that? Women don't like to be the ones in control of the plans. You're the one that's supposed to be leading the interaction. If she doesn't suggest another night, then what do you do? Ask her about another night? Wait a few days and ask again? This comes off as you chasing her, which is needy. When you ask her right off the bat if she has any nights open, you're simplifying this process for yourself and making it easier to polarize.

No response? NEXT.

"I actually don't think I have any open nights this week :/" NEXT.

"I'm busy all week this week. Maybe next week?" It's possible that she's telling the truth. It's also possible that she just doesn't want to tell you 'no'. It's up to you to decide whether you want to set something up the next week to see for sure. She could cancel last minute. Who knows? Normally, I NEXT.

"Yea! I'm open Thursday night :)" Well, what do you know?! She gave you a night! Now what?

This is an obvious sign that she is interested in going out with you. If she gives you multiple nights, she's really interested. And of course, if that night doesn't work for you, you can always ask if she's open another night.

Now, there's two different ways to go about this: you can either suggest a time to pick her up, or suggest a time to meet at a certain venue.

Personally, I like to suggest a time to pick her up. This gives you more control of the situation and gives you less of a chance of getting stood up. Plus, I'm not going to ask out a girl that I wouldn't want to go pick up. If you choose this route, say something like: "Ok pick you up at 8?". If she agrees, ask her where she lives. I've almost always gotten an address after asking. Once she sends that to you, just tell her you'll see her then. Do not text her after that. If she suggests that you two just meet somewhere, I consider that a shit test. Handle accordingly.

If you ask her to meet you somewhere, it's just as simple as that. Suggest a time and place. Once she agrees, tell her you'll see her then. Do not text her after that. Hopefully, she shows up and shows up alone. I once knew a girl who couldn't go on a first date by herself. She would always find a way to bring a friend.

If she tries to text you anytime before the date, don't send more than just a few texts. Tell her you have to run and you'll see her whatever night you scheduled. The point of not talking before the date is to build sexual tension. Trust me, she's going to be thinking about it and wondering about it. This is a good thing.

----Conclusion----

You've successfully set up the date in a very controlled fashion. You've polarized in such a way that you have wasted a minimal amount of time and effort. You have also built up sexual tension by not talking before the date. You haven't expressed any neediness. The last thing to do is to give her a call once you show up (or just go knock on her door) and take it from there.

If you guys like this, I will do other submissions in the future on approaching and what to actually do on dates. With this being my first post, I'm open to any and all suggestions. Thanks.

Edit: I forgot to mention, a woman will often contact you the day of to find out exactly what you'll be doing. Normally, this is just her trying to find out what she needs to wear that night. In fact, assume that's what she's doing. Make a joke about it and help her out. Last time I took a girl out, she did this and I said "Ha You're trying to find out what to wear aren't you?" She told me that was exactly what she was doing and I just told her to wear some jeans and something simple, like she was going out. Worked out great.