I'm currently between semesters abroad and spending my break back here in the states. I spent a lot of time overseas fine tuning my game, which has already begun to pay nice dividends.

Last night I made the trip to my home college for the first time since July, since I'm working 50 hour weeks and was in dire need of a night with the bros. We got drunk, bullshitted, and eventually set out for the bars. On the way out, I sent out my usual text blast to all potential prospects for post-bar sexual disappointment. I used McQueen's patented "dick jizzing on girl emoji" template

Over the course of the night I kept running into people I hadn't seen since 'nam, and it was going great. We were buying rounds, clowning in front of the bar, having a sick time. Whatever happened after 2am was the last thing on my mind.

Eventually I check my phone. A few texts rolled back, so I pick one and run standard midnight bar game because I'm getting hungry and horny.

I was drunk

She pulls me out of the bar and next thing I know I'm in a DD. We go back to her place, have drunk monkey sex and go to sleep.

After morning sex she goes to get me food. As I'm beached in her bed browsing twitter I hear her phone vibrating several times on end. I look at it and see that some dude has sent her at least 5 unanswered texts.

This dude was texting her all night. Since 8pm it was non stop "where are you?" "do you want a drink?" "what bars are you going to?". I sat there simultaneously laughing and cringing.

I still don't know this dude's prior stance with her, but from what I gathered he was a bonafide orbiter. I'm sure plenty of you younger guys had to learn this lesson the hard way in your BP days, but some of you newer guys need to get this through your head.

Less. is. more

I got a girl I hadn't spoken to in 6 months to leave with me with 4 texts. No long conversations, no "heyy i'm back in town :) what's up?". Straight to the point, straight to the plunk.

Added bonus: The dude came to her place uninvited, while we were fucking. One of her roommates was up and apparently she felt so bad for him she gave him a blanket and let him sleep on the couch. I actually saw him on my way to the bathroom.

Swallow the pill, or forever sleep on the couch.