You cared too much

Mrbumblebee3 · 2016-12-03T18:45:03+00:00

You lose a negotiation as soon as you're not prepared to walk away from the table.

bigtuna45 · 2016-12-03T09:28:07+00:00

I was watching 21 jump street the movie today. At the end of the movie, Jonah Hill kisses his crush as the movie climaxes. Music plays, it's happily ever after and it's a HUGE deal.

In reality, kissing a girl is nothing. The other night I made out with a hb7 after talking to her first 15 minutes (first time I've pulled that off) . We talked about fucking the next day. I texted her the next day, she went cold.

When I was BP as fuck I would've thought "omg we kissed SHE'S THE ONE. WE'RE GONNA FUCK TOMORROW!!!". Now I see the situation for what it's worth; I gave her the tingles and the next day she either wasn't feeling it or found someone better.

Truth be told it still stung a bit. But the more you face reality and stop making a big deal out if shit, the faster you progress.

zboo1h · 2016-12-03T06:26:04+00:00

I needed to read this. I have always had a problem with overthinking and caring too much about people in general, not just women. It used to drive me crazy if people didn't reciprocate the same level of enthusiasm I had for them.

Now I know that Susie is right around the corner.

[deleted] · 2016-12-03T15:16:06+00:00

This can be a vicious cycle for me. Screw Up With Women > Stop Caring > Lack of Effort Attracts Women > Start to Care Again > Screw Up Again

Hakametal · 2016-12-03T13:33:29+00:00

Currently in this situation right now. I've been dating this half-Asian HB9 for the past two and a half months. She has a great relationship with her family and especially with her father. This sounds great right? Well, it's because it feels so great that my insecurities start to creep up and try to influence my behaviour. It's like I fear losing a great thing instead of enjoying it while it lasts... however long that might be.

Thank god for TRP. Because of it, I can be objective with my emotions and objective to her level of interest. I've also talked a lot to her about things like narcissism, social media, toxic people and generally self-love. Our conversations have been great and I'm hoping that she's a mature person in the long run.

In all of this, I still hold TRP close to me, knowing full well that she might cheat at any moment, dump me at any moment, shit test me at any moment. At the end of the day, TRP fundamentally comes down to self respect. Genuine self respect.

VIICHYVALOIS · 2016-12-03T16:01:20+00:00

Can't be happy with a girl until you've learned how to be happy without one

matrixpush · 2016-12-03T05:40:13+00:00

Sounds very modern-PUA, but you do bring up some good points.

A big reason men care so much, is because of the ratio, once again. Every woman (even the undesirable landwhales) is literally swatting away a revolving door of male attention.

It's not easy meeting a new one, when the average woman is constantly getting bombarded with attention.

Notice you rarely hear men complaining over women being "too clingy" anymore, something that was standard-fare back in the day. Men are far clingier now, this is just reality. It's a numbers game.

Once smartphone culture took over, everything changed.

Sartyrh · 2016-12-03T20:14:33+00:00

This is an ancient truth that all the great men of wisdom have known - the root of suffering is attachment. In order to live a life of contentment, you must practice non-attachment.

Too many people chase and cling to happiness, and flee from negative experiences. This does not lead one to a place of acceptance in life, as you are constantly shifting from emotion to emotion, chasing that high.

If you have a hard time controlling your emotions when they arise (especially negative ones), here is a practical exercise you can do whenever you have a negative emotion -

Notice the feeling arise. Cultivating mindfulness and awareness in the moment through meditation will assist in your ability to notice when new emotions arise, as your mind will be more still.
Name the feeling. Specifically, and literally, speak the words in your mind "I am feeling [emotion]."
Name the reason why the feeling has arisen. You will virtually always be able to name the reason why you feel a certain way, and if you cannot, simply acknowledge that you are not sure why you feel that way.
Let the emotion go. This is the part that takes practice with negative experiences, but ultimately, the act of naming the feeling and thinking about why you feel that way tends to take all of the emotional wind out of the experience. From there, your rational mind is more capable of filing that experience away and moving past it.

One thing about memories... If we recall something, and there arises an emotion from that memory, there is something in that memory that we are meant to learn from. Something we need to understand. The whole purpose of memory is to assist in our survival, and when we have an emotion that arises during recall of an event, it is a subconscious signal that the issue is not entirely resolved.

If this happens, you would do well to apply the same process outlined above to your experiences, and try to learn from them. It is a practical method, so you actually have to apply yourself in this endeavor. It will take time to unravel those negative experiences and turn them into neutral ones, but it is absolutely necessary to our long term contentment.

[deleted] · 2016-12-03T12:40:43+00:00

9 out of 10 our problems are we give too much importance to unimportant things.

aazav · 2016-12-03T13:25:11+00:00

Learn not to care. By caring, your happiness becomes tied to the success of her attraction to you.

That sets you up for failure. Don't be a sucker.

Stythe · 2016-12-03T12:54:19+00:00

Almost everything is in your head in life. You just interpret it a certain way and react according to that interpretation, even if it isn't accurate.

Mckallidon · 2016-12-03T17:46:15+00:00

Great post. The less fucks I give, the more I have for the few things that truly matter. When you're giving so many fucks all the time, you miss the things that truly need it.

Now especially when it comes to bitches, they're self-centered trash. All of them. Every single one is a selfish, two-faced bitch. Give zero fucks if she hates you or fucks you. Not worth the hassle. Minimal investment into women. Always. They are parasites if you let them. Just don't.

epixs · 2016-12-03T17:03:02+00:00

Great post man. Many times I'm in a situation where everything will tell me to contact that girl or person, but I don't. That's the discipline that I've developed over the years of working hard in life, gym, everything.

Your post, if I had to break it down to the core, is about showing emotional control. Being able to relate it down to the stoic philosophy of how, nothing will break your frame. The girl who didn't text back, the boss who's being a bitch, life hitting you hard when you're already down.

I believe it was Rudyard Kipling who talked about all that and what it's like to be a man.

Also, if it doesn't kill you, it makes your stronger.

fingerthemoon · 2016-12-03T19:36:03+00:00

Time and time again TRP philosophy seems to mirror the basic format of Buddhism: The Four Noble Truths (You're fucking up because you care too much) and the Eightfold Path (Just focus on these handful of basic precepts and you'll be fine, whatever happens happens).

tampeloeres · 2016-12-03T20:15:51+00:00

Okay I'm going to do this and see how it works out.

aanarchist · 2016-12-03T20:45:37+00:00

truth has been spoketh on this day

thousandmilesjourney · 2016-12-03T23:32:52+00:00

She wasn't "perfect" for you. You guys clicked a little bit, you got excited and then elevated her to some demigod status and got obsessed.

This struck a chord with me. As I looked back on some of my previous relationships I used to think "She was perfect for me. But clearly it didn't pan out so she wasn't." Slowly I've been realising there is no perfect girl but there are a lot of girls out there we can click with. When that time comes we need to enjoy it for what it is. She's not yours it's just your turn

[deleted] · 2016-12-04T05:13:36+00:00

Here, let me make a TL;DR version for you:

No kids? Then:

Nobody. Fucking. Matters.

Certain people, including women, don't find you enjoyable? Boo fucking hoo. They are simply your perception of light, haptic sensation and whatever other senses you have. Nature told you to objectify the fuck out of them- because they are technically fucking objects. Self aware objects, but objects. From an abjectly scientific standard, you can't even be entirely sure that they exist- but we know that whatever you imagined them to be while you were popping blue pills like an addict- that sure as fuck doesn't exist.

Welcome to the real world. Or is it?

thatonemikeguy · 2016-12-04T11:07:20+00:00

Just remember, in 100 years nothing we've done will matter. Helps put things into prospective a little.

RedPillandNoFap · 2016-12-04T09:40:31+00:00

stop trying to find the cheat codes to life to manipulate your happy ending.

TRP is cheat codes for life.

Instead of being scared of her leaving, embrace that decision if that's what it comes down to.

To add another aspect to think about, instead of thinking "She's not mine, it's only my turn," think in terms of "it's only her turn, too." Abundance mindset affects so many different aspects of your life in a positive, encouraging way.

She wasn't "perfect" for you. You guys clicked a little bit, you got excited and then elevated her to some demigod status and got obsessed. Stop doing that. Every woman is JUST a woman.

I've done this several times in my life. For me personally, trying to date three women is troublesome; if I am only seeing one at any given time, I tend to find myself giving her too much attention and I start getting feels which completely fucks up my DGAF approach.

For me the perfect balance is always dating two women. If I ghost one for starting drama, or if one gets flaky or overbearing, I immediately go after a replacement.

Two allows me to focus less time and effort on them individually and the disinterest (reinforced by temporary interest) keeps them hanging around waiting for me to adorn them with the attention that they crave. Women want nothing more than a man's undivided attention and affection, but once they get it they find it contemptible. So I try not to indulge them.

NeoreactionSafe · 2016-12-03T15:57:07+00:00

News Alert

"Nuclear missiles have been launched and will strike American cities in less that 15 minutes."

"Be sure to watch the News at 5, 6, and 11."

There are real things to worry about... "Don't sweat the small stuff".

These self important spoiled brats don't own your attention.

chedder · 2016-12-03T23:19:50+00:00

While I don't agree with the sentiment that you should just walk away if things start to become difficult, I completely agree that you should always be prepared to walk away.

This should be the case with all relationships, friendships included.

At the end of the day, for me I've learned to give up on a relationship when overall it becomes more work and stress then fun and happiness. What's even the point. It's like you said though, she wasn't made for you; there will always be disagreements with anyone, in order to have a lasting relationship there will be difficult points. It's up to you though and all up to what you really want out of it.

JackGetsIt · 2016-12-03T14:39:07+00:00

My only addition to this is after you've hit this acceptance and you know where you are and your not chasing a fictitious reality then you do need to use every trick in the book to get ahead; there are lots of great trick cultivated by someone else who already did all the work for you. Why not use them? If you try to get ahead by playing it by the book all the time your going to constantly lose out to the strategic player that's maximizing all his advantages with women and career. Don't get chewed up by those guys.

DartleDude · 2016-12-03T23:15:18+00:00

I agree with you and I think you've hit the nail on the head. I do have a few thoughts to piggy-back on your original sentiment of, "don't take life so seriously".

How do you take life less seriously? Let yourself feel the feels. Find a peaceful place and take a minute to become still and allow the thoughts to come. Let your inner-monologue (higher self) ask questions, make statements and put shit out there. Then, work through them one at a time until you're back on solid ground. It's called meditation and it's about letting the thoughts and the feelings come so they can pass through. If you do not let them pass, they will haunt you (and inevitably turn your world on its head). Re-directing them, pushing them out and fighting them off is child's play. We are men. Men are observers. Feed off of the thoughts and feelings flying through your mind and become stronger; use them to fuel your cause (see photosynthesis).

Keep your inner-monologue running and listen to it; pay attention to your body and mind. You can tell when it's getting anxious, frustrated, nervous, afraid, annoyed, angry, etc. Those undesirable emotions are red flags; your body is actually trying to talk to you. When those emotions come, then you know it's time to take a step back and open the flood-gates of feels. Once you're in a better place, then you can take action.

This is a skill you must acquire and develop just like all other skills.

If 95% of the problems on here are because men cared too much, then 95% of the problem is because men aren't actively working to stay grounded. Use age old techniques like meditation to become the wise-man of few words who is slow to act, but intentional in those actions. Quality over quantity my brothers. Thank you. That is all.

thekingmaker88 · 2016-12-04T09:46:22+00:00

Finally, a post I can elevate to gold status. This totally speaks to me as there is this girl that I think is "perfect" and I'm pretty sure she's not even into me like that. This is why I keep coming back to the sub, thanks.

majormongoose · 2016-12-04T21:54:19+00:00

Read the handbook by epictetus and learn to lead a stoic life, this is great when combined with redpill philosophies and you also need to understand that there is perfect balance of caring and not giving a fuck.

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-12-05T10:18:40+00:00

Comes down to emotional investment. I'd say people care to much in relationships aswell. But that's highly circumstantial. The most important part is that women have an incredible advantage they never had before.

Thanks to the internet and their mobile phone women have amplified abundance. Which is a constant stream of reassurance that there's another guy waiting for her. Before this era women generally had to rely on their surrounding social circle. Which was tightly controlled by the men.

Now she can find men nearly anywhere at the snap of a couple of fingers. She doesn't even have to exhaust energy to approach. All she has to do is lay down the fish hook and they come nibbling.

This means that every girl or woman you meet nowadays will have these options in the back of her mind. Unless you manage to make her emotionally invest in you, she will not give a shit if you walk off. Remember that. The next moment you are fretting over a girl not replying or what not. Realize she's ass-first in Disney land and she wants to try out all the rides.

Their moment of clarity only comes around the ages of 28+ where the steady stream of male approaches suddenly becomes to dwindle. That's where panic becomes to set in, especially if they rode and depended on the cock carrousel. Since their game is entirely relying on their ability to attract constant new males.

The best you can do is constantly find new supply of young pussy and laugh your ass off at the old hags who are still trying. Anything over a 30 is easy as fuck game. Guaranteed.

MrNatemare · 2016-12-05T23:38:31+00:00

This is so true.

As Rollo said: 'there are good ones and there are bad ones, there is no the one'.

It's not a big deal. We can survive perfectly if we just work on our own happiness and make the most out of the people around us. No one is irreplaceable.

The second last paragraph is especially true. Those who love you will find a way to love no matter what. Those who don't will not do so just because you spend more time with them.

If I can upvote you 500 times I would.

_fappycamper · 2016-12-07T15:30:54+00:00

So true. What a great post!

Title	You cared too much
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	629
Comments	79
Date	December 3, 2016 5:32 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5g84jn/you_cared_too_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/you-cared-too-much.65014 https://theredarchive.com/post/65014

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