Bailout Beluga

Typo-MAGAshiv · 2021-04-15T08:50:44+00:00

Decent post, OP. I flaired it "Friendzone Fiona" as that fits her more than bailout, though "Bailout Beluga" is a good title, especially for its added alliterative appeal.

A Friendzone Fiona like her is likely to use you as a free babysitter.

justreallylazy · 2021-04-15T09:12:28+00:00

How does she think she can go out when there are five money devouring parasites?

michael1962-01 · 2021-04-15T08:58:05+00:00

Smoking weed while fingering herself (420) is a definite role model for the 5 children.

InevitableOwl1 · 2021-04-15T08:58:04+00:00

If she is for real then surely the main criticism is the she is on the wrong app?

But it doesn’t make sense. She wants exclusively male friends whose first reason for selecting her is appearance (or ease of fucking)

Really weird.

Duplicarus · 2021-04-15T09:18:32+00:00

Who gave this wilderbeast 5 kids, we gotta have a talk. Doing some monkey double back flips on my mans without the trashbag on 🤦🏽‍♂️

Loud-Bottle-7879 · 2021-04-15T12:51:54+00:00

Interests....astrology....Disney....run away.

Joaquino7997 · 2021-04-15T10:43:33+00:00

She can't possibly be the mother of 5 humans because she has time to go out and smoke weed. She MUST be a mother of 5 cats, right???

YouSaidChicken · 2021-04-15T08:58:21+00:00

Sixth time that charm?

loneliness-inc · 2021-04-15T11:59:07+00:00

Imagine face-sitting with her...

That's one way to die 😂

Oh right, she isn't looking for hookups. Phew.

Mister_McDerp · 2021-04-15T09:07:27+00:00

That title. Nice.

DrDog09 · 2021-04-15T12:46:32+00:00

"I'm not looking for hookups"

Thank God, I don't want one with you.

CondensedBemusement · 2021-04-15T14:06:44+00:00

A 39 year old who has listed one of her interests as Disney?

Astrology is bad enough ... but DISNEY?

Granted she's got 5 rug rats, so doubtless Disney is playing constantly so she doesn't have to burden herself with being an actual mother ... but that's for the fucking KIDS ... not you.

And cut down on the 420 ... you look like you're one session of the munchies short of a coronary.

YouPeopleAreGarbage · 2021-04-15T14:51:08+00:00

🎶 Bailout beluga you're too good for me,

Loves tattoos and astrology,

Must be 6 foot, not an inch below,

And wealthy and fit to spoil this ho,

Bailout beluga, bailout beluga,

Life is a shitstorm,

Luck stay at home mom of 5 babies...

styckx · 2021-04-15T16:00:19+00:00

Is she wearing the same tarp I use to cover up a classic automobile that is never going to be restored and just wasting away?

Melek_Taus666 · 2021-04-15T12:17:16+00:00

She's not looking for hookups! Thank the lord!

MelkorHimself · 2021-04-15T16:01:54+00:00

In my experience the disclaimer "not looking for hookups" really means "I smash on the first date".

Miggymoggy · 2021-04-15T18:39:01+00:00

I'd bet a whole years wage that this failure of a woman still does extremely well on dating sites compared to your everyday decent average childless man.

Dating sites for men are about as useful as a fisherman trying to catch fish on a landfill.

mustangfrank · 2021-04-15T13:51:05+00:00

The sad thing is some man will take her up.

2021-04-15T17:11:30+00:00

40.

Obese.

5 kids.

I rate this one 1/10.

meerita · 2021-04-15T18:02:24+00:00

she's a mother of 5 adults that are still inside her.

Typo-MAGAshiv · 2021-04-15T15:49:48+00:00

Bailout beluga on the O-L-D

Swipe so wild and you swipe so free

Looking for love? Or just friends? That blows

And your kids are your world, I suppose

Bailout beluga, bailout beluga

Thinks that she's a boss

Bailout beluga

"Boss lady at home" you'll never be happy

Edit: shit, /u/YouPeopleAreGarbage beat me to it, fucker!

Old_snowboarder · 2021-04-15T20:12:05+00:00

Looks like all five kids are still in there waiting to pop out.

Aldabruzzo · 2021-04-15T18:56:00+00:00

"Bailout Beluga"

I can't stop laughing

"I'm not looking for hookups"

Just how big of a hook would she need?

plz_say_sike · 2021-04-15T21:53:19+00:00

“Boss Lady at At Home”

Why be a functioning member of society when you can just live off of the child support you get from the 5 dudes that wanted to bust a quick nut but ended becoming fathers.

atmus11 · 2021-04-15T17:51:04+00:00

Only hook up id do with her is my personal trainer and her..

2021-04-15T18:32:41+00:00

Wow! Just wow! She's yuge!

incarnate1 · 2021-04-15T20:40:14+00:00

Wow, five kids?! Imagine the food budget alone 🤣

Lameador · 2021-04-15T21:35:40+00:00

Great catch from u/achab

Ivan_The_Reddish · 2021-04-15T21:53:59+00:00

I'm pretty sure that's a dude.

NoonTimeHoopsMVP · 2021-04-15T23:03:27+00:00

Those five kids are doomed.

Reptar313 · 2021-04-16T14:14:37+00:00

This looks like a post in r/mirrorsforsale

Title	Bailout Beluga
Author	EarlyEndTimes
Upvotes	159
Comments	50
Date	April 15, 2021 5:51 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/mr8lmk/bailout_beluga/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/bailout-beluga.778039 https://theredarchive.com/post/778039

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