‘Fat, bisexual, metal head’ looking for a decent and honest man. Oh, and a Viking!

kevin32 · 2018-12-11T13:10:06+00:00

"Bodymods", "metalhead", "long-haired tattooed viking".

She's dating tatted-up jerks from the grunge and punk culture and expecting someone "honest" and "loyal". Not to say such men don't exist, but in any given demographic women are going to chase the "hottest" men of that group, which in this case is guys who are in bands, bang groupies and do drugs all the time.

Ultramegasaurus · 2018-12-11T13:39:10+00:00

I like my women without shrapnel in their face

SirKolbath · 2018-12-11T14:07:44+00:00

“Carry me.”

For fucks sake, princess, help a brother out and lose some goddamn weight.

In other news, when I see that a woman has put “bisexual “in her profile on a hook up app specifically designed to find matches of the opposite gender what I am really seeing is a giant flag in neon colors that says, “I am a slut. Come and fuck me!“

There is no reason whatsoever to put that on a heterosexual dating app. If you want to pick up girls, go to the girl section. If you want to pick up guys, go to the guys section. If you’re trying to be thought of as an easy lay, tell the guys that you’re bisexual because that’s supposed to be so sexy, you know. Personally I find it nearly as repugnant as male homosexuality. I am attracted to neither.

smartcookie90 · 2018-12-11T12:56:58+00:00

Carry me please ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

RaptorDesign · 2018-12-11T12:47:03+00:00

Translation: most men get sick of my shit real fast, so I want a man who is exactly my ideal to appear without me having to change a thing.

witchywitchywitchhy · 2018-12-11T13:35:01+00:00

Any women with that above the nose piercing always seems to be looking for a good & honest guy.

CaptainMaxelson · 2018-12-11T14:49:57+00:00

I think some of you men here are missing a golden opportunity! Afterall, many of you have complained about the low level of usefulness and overall adaptability of modern women. I agree as well, but we have an exceptional specimen of practicality here! Her face is the optimal multi-tool! It comes with the necessary attachments for any home improvement job you can think of! Bottle opener? Check!!! Spam key? Check! Ever go out on the lake and realize you forgot your tackle box? Look no further than this charming laydeez face! It has all the hooks and bobbers you could wish for in a variety of colors!

With this one you'll never have to remember where you left your car keys! They will always be dangling from this laydeez face right where you left them.

Boy oh boy! Where do I get me one these???

Westernhagen · 2018-12-11T15:22:17+00:00

Rollo the long-haired tatted viking says, "I might give this fat stupid slave to one of my lowest henchmen, but keep her for myself, no way."

LewisCross · 2018-12-11T15:41:39+00:00

I suppose some guys are into all this multiple piercing shit. I think it's gross. It just screams "FUCK YOU, MEN" and "slut whore". Same thing with the earlobe distending shit. It's disgusting. It's also a sign of mental illness. It screams "I don't like the way I look so I'm going to mutilate myself into something else; and I have low self esteem. I need to call attention to myself with the hardware, so that people will hopefully like me." Sorry-not sorry.

She has a pretty face without all the hardware and self-mutilation. It's a shame, really.

Here's what will happen with her.

She'll get with a guy for a couple years. He'll knock her up and she'll have a kid. Then she'll realize, as she gets older and matures and actually, you know, figures out that this motherhood thing requires responsibility and forward thinking and planning and lots and lots and LOTS of money, she'll lose the hardware. She'll look back on this period of her life with shame and regret. But she can't do much about it because, while the holes on her face heal up and close most of the time, her earlobes won't close up all the way. She'll have to answer questions about it with employers, and most will reject her because they don't want a tatted up skanked up mutilated former grunge moshpit queen waiting on their customers, answering their phones, or handling their clients. Of course, by now, babydaddy is long, long since gone. She's relying on what little she can earn on her own, on her parents and friends, and on occasional welfare.

AllahHatesFags · 2018-12-11T15:10:24+00:00

You lost me at "fat"

boisdevie · 2018-12-11T15:03:07+00:00

She wants a guy who looks like an Alpha but acts like a Beta so he'll have so little self-esteem he'll tolerate her shit.

polarwaves · 2018-12-11T15:26:06+00:00

What does “sadgyal” mean?

Justaducklel · 2018-12-11T15:00:34+00:00

This bitch looks like she listen to deathcore or screamo. She probably doesnt know who iron maiden is.

1st10Amendments · 2018-12-11T15:24:40+00:00

At least she doesn’t claim “average body type.”

[deleted] · 2018-12-11T17:21:24+00:00

If ancient Viking women looked like her, now I know why the menfolk went to North America.

Philhelm · 2018-12-11T15:43:18+00:00

It would have to be a really strong Viking to carry that thing.

orcscorper · 2018-12-11T16:22:22+00:00

Gotta give her credit for coming right out and saying she's a fat chick. None of this "curvy, buxom, real woman" bullshit. Unfortunately, a woman that brutally honest probably has no filter when honestly pointing out flaws in others. Prepare to get in a fight every time you take her out to a metal show.

Also, by her picture, "metalhead" is an accurate description.

SilverGryphon · 2018-12-11T16:43:12+00:00

Fat chick who smokes, has no tits (kinda uncommon for fat chicks) and a bunch of shit piercings...hard next. Not even beta Billy wants her now.

Ipride362 · 2018-12-11T15:28:33+00:00

Kill it with fire.

harharry · 2018-12-11T17:34:19+00:00

Like trying to charge Mercedes prices for a Volkswagen. Doesn’t work lady. Try again.

ContradictFate · 2018-12-11T17:54:05+00:00

Bodymods

Yeah..... About that..... I don't think they consider a gunt at the ripe age of 20something to be considered a "bodymod"...

Come pick me up and carry me away pls

While I understand you're being non-literal but I'm afraid that literally speaking, I'd have to undergo surgery in my abdomen if I attempted that feat...

Mick_Donalds · 2018-12-11T18:08:40+00:00

Smokes regularly, and wants kids... Looking at her, I'm guessing recreational, habitual drug use is also her forte'.

What idiot with a brain would want to bring a life into the world with this mother of the year candidate?

smfuel87 · 2018-12-11T20:03:16+00:00

Drinks socially, Smokes regularly. Translation: Alcoholic sloot with bipolar disorder.

"Anyone actually honest and loyal these days?" Translation: Sucked and fucked drummers and starving "musicians" through my 20s, now rapidly gaining weight and a losing my looks. Want to catch a beta provider asap.

SeawardLips · 2018-12-11T17:10:37+00:00

"Which one's Trudy, the one with all the shit in her face?"

"No, that's Joni, that's my wife."

ApeMilk · 2018-12-11T17:31:35+00:00

a funny pig

Stunner900 · 2018-12-11T17:36:20+00:00

Vikings don’t exist anymore...

JeanClaudeDruncker · 2018-12-11T23:33:32+00:00

I'm a pretty big guy and I don't think it's technically feasible to "pick her up".

RedPill-BlackLotus · 2018-12-12T00:05:45+00:00

I would masterbate to an oncology textbook before I tossed one In this seadonkey.

IcebergHermit · 2018-12-14T20:09:25+00:00

Most of these “metalhead” women are in it for fashion and don’t give a rats ass about album production or concert tours or delving into the lyrics and technical aspects of the music.

All of these are the core of being a metalhead. We love it to the point we are almost obsessed with it.

Notice she didn’t mention any favorite bands.

zordonsbigtits · 2018-12-11T20:10:49+00:00

It looks like people were playing a Chinese knockoff of Battleship on her face...

Isitnecessary667 · 2018-12-11T20:02:47+00:00

To quote larry the cable guy (sorry, but he did have a good point) I didn’t know whether to kiss her or adjust the torque in her butt crack

FaustoLG · 2018-12-11T20:04:45+00:00

AWW! My eyes! You should be ashamed! next time out a WARNING sign!

😂

chrystynalyyn · 2018-12-11T23:33:35+00:00

I actually know someone perfect for this chick...

ChiTownBob · 2018-12-11T23:47:25+00:00

"Viking"

So she's just looking for another Chad. In other news, water is wet.

ThirstySasquatch · 2018-12-12T01:33:18+00:00

Only thing that's going to pick her up is a Viking Transformer

jasonmiles2014 · 2018-12-12T04:02:02+00:00

Her pic made me vomit on myself and shit my pants

CoMaBlaCK · 2018-12-12T04:49:31+00:00

Why do all chicks call themselves bisexual nowadays? My friend calls herself bisexual all the time and she’s always had long term boyfriends and to my knowledge has never even kissed a girl.

Devilsgun · 2018-12-12T05:08:32+00:00

"Fuck personality, I'll just get more piercings"

+ Psycho Scorpio bad fattitude and entitlement (Er, um... Viking guys usually 'pillage' attractive women, ya know...)

What a fucking mess. And I usually really go for alt girls

I-am-the-lul · 2018-12-12T08:47:08+00:00

She must have fallen face first into a fishing tackle box.

Funcuz · 2018-12-13T04:25:54+00:00

How long does it take you to negotiate an airport metal detector?

AncapGhxst · 2018-12-14T10:56:39+00:00

When you fuck up your face like that who would want to be seen in public with you tbh. Honest question though, is she a metalhead because she listens to metal or because her face is full of metal?

LabTech41 · 2018-12-14T16:26:31+00:00

"Did I also mention that I'll be perpetually unemployable due to the fact that nobody outside a head shop or a Chipotle will hire someone with as many facial piercings as I have?"

Gamerwiz · 2018-12-17T00:30:26+00:00

what the fuck did she do to herself. The entitlement is too much.

Iceklimber · 2018-12-11T16:04:36+00:00

Photoshoped as fuck

Joroda · 2018-12-11T17:07:47+00:00

She'd be real cute without all that trash in her ears and face.

TheWiseAsp · 2018-12-11T15:10:37+00:00

Actually guys, I'll take one for the team

Title	‘Fat, bisexual, metal head’ looking for a decent and honest man. Oh, and a Viking!
Author	SidgeBlueCollars
Upvotes	276
Comments	89
Date	December 11, 2018 12:44 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/a56hfp/fat_bisexual_metal_head_looking_for_a_decent_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/fat-bisexual-metal-head-looking-for-a-decent-and.347587 https://theredarchive.com/post/347587

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