File this simultaneously under "post-wall divorcee" / "alpha-widowed" / "unable to bond due to past with bad boys" / "makes rules for nice guys"

InevitableOwl1 · 2021-11-10T19:36:02+00:00

No real evidence of "makes rules for nice guys" that I can see

Unable to bond due to lack of trust as a direct result of choosing badly / ignoring red flags is definitely something going on here

Is "I didn't feel like my therapist and I were a good fit" code for "my therapist didn't validate me and tell me what I wanted to hear" / "my therapist told me to make different choices and I didn't want to" ?

I went and double checked the quote because I originally typed it as "I didn't *think* my therapist and I...". But of course it is "feel" rather than thinking....

sourcreamandchedder · 2021-11-10T20:28:19+00:00

the relationship I "deserve". there it is, lol. gals, you don't deserve anything you don't earn. invest in cat food and box wine guys.

maruadventurer · 2021-11-10T19:34:01+00:00

notice her mental process in the penultimate paragraph, it's interesting

she starts to feel trust / warmth for this "nice man" who doesn't have red flags
but then, she feels anxious that he's about to dump her, because she has habituated to how men treated her in the past
so, she pre-emptively rejects him and "self-sabotages" and this not only seems completely irrational from his point of view, but just messes him around and creates a bad experience for him too

so, in other words, the entire endeavor of being with her is a much more frustrating and less loving experience than it would be had she not pursued the type of men that she did in the past. he can't even expect genuine love from her because of this, so what does that do to her value as a woman?

AlextheHun24 · 2021-11-10T19:57:50+00:00

Take your own advice lady, go to therapy because you are damaged goods.

Cristoff13 · 2021-11-10T21:16:47+00:00

I think its simply that she's not attracted to him. But she doesn't want to admit this to herself, as it would mean acknowledging she's going to be stuck chasing "toxic men" for the rest of her life. So her rational mind interprets her lack of attraction as "trust issues" (whatever that means).

Fancuku · 2021-11-10T21:05:37+00:00

Alpha fucks, beta bucks is not just a theory. It’s been reality since the beginning of time.

madriverdog · 2021-11-10T23:51:35+00:00

"Deserve" Ha ha.

No, sorry, nobody deserves anything.

Extracrispyrooster · 2021-11-10T21:51:13+00:00

Getting divorced at 29 is being a woman on hard mode. What did she think would happen?

AngryCockOfJustice · 2021-11-10T22:50:07+00:00

"dated a lot in past 4 years.

In other words, her legs were raised high in the air almost every week. Poor man is getting a leftover. He'll be paying a premium price for a product which was passed around for free

NoonTimeHoopsMVP · 2021-11-10T23:43:59+00:00

Her hamster is spinning because she knows that the man in question is marriage material and she should settle down with him. However, she still wants to ride the carousel and the man in question just doesn't ride her horse like Cowboy Chad.

Flashy_Glove6208 · 2021-11-11T01:29:24+00:00

they all leave eventually

She's damaged goods, cannot pair bond.

The alpha widow/ pump and dump cycle is deeply imprinted in her brain.

Hope she self sabotages or the guy sees this through and walks away.

PopularBug5 · 2021-11-11T02:09:16+00:00

I wager that she was the one who initiated the divorce, simply because he is 'abusive'. So is all the other guys she met post-divorce - a mirror image of her husband. All with glaring red flags that she overlooked because Chad, because hot. Instead of avoiding them, she fucked them first, then complained about the red flags afterward.

gfgdhj5784yu8 · 2021-11-11T02:37:04+00:00

33 ....... sounds more like 13. What a psychological mess.

ZarBandit · 2021-11-11T06:32:57+00:00

Seems like the quiet part she’s not saying out loud is she’s not good enough for him and that’s why she thinks he’ll leave her. Because that’s what she’d do.

Btw, if a woman ever admits she’s not good enough for you, BELIEVE HER. It’s not her insecurity talking, it’s a tell that she’s hiding some nasty stuff.

deckran · 2021-11-11T09:58:58+00:00

I've seen many examples of this type of relationship play out from both sides. She has broken her pair bonding ability completely chasing the "toxic men" and the guy is trying to fix her. It pretty much always ends up the same way. The guy will continue to play the nice guy while she will continue to push him away.

Deep down she knows she doesn't deserve kindness. As fucked up as it may sound she knows she is the "toxic men's" plaything and that's what she wants to be. Eventually she will turn on the guy. She will critisize, blame him for her problems and in the end most likely cheat on him. The guy will end up getting burned along with her all the while thinking "why? i did everything right".

The only aswer for her i think is to seek serious therapy. She does mention it but not a good fit she says. I'll be willing to bet that the therapist put the spotlight on her and not outside forces ("toxic men's" fault).

Disciple_Of_Cheesus · 2021-11-10T22:59:11+00:00

Goodbye, AF. Hello, BB.

Like fucking clockwork...

Joaquino7997 · 2021-11-10T23:56:53+00:00

I mean, they all leave eventually.

Yeah, dumbass, because after awhile he's gonna realize the juice ain't worth the squeeze. He's gonna toss the proverbial used and abused fruit and go pluck a fresh and ripe one from the tree.

Emotional_Ad_643 · 2021-11-11T14:06:54+00:00

Therapist wasn't a good fit... Hmm. Sounds like you can't handle the truth. Better ask your internet girl friends instead of a trained professional.

Nightowloldschool · 2021-11-13T20:04:01+00:00

She garbage

withrowsprings · 2021-11-11T00:27:54+00:00

I will go easy on her. Could be my Ex-wife.

No_Exercise_8670 · 2021-11-13T18:32:36+00:00

No all of those problems with lack of trust are going to be that new boyfriend responsibility to deal with. Doesn't look like a good deal for me.

ZZoMBiEXIII · 2021-11-10T22:44:04+00:00

While I'm certainly not trying to play white knight, especially on this board, this seems like someone who's trying. Of course it'd have been nice had they worked on issues prior to needing to "try", but still. I can't fault this one too much.

Sorry. Delete this or downvote it if you must. Just not feeling like burning this one like most of the posts here.

Title	File this simultaneously under "post-wall divorcee" / "alpha-widowed" / "unable to bond due to past with bad boys" / "makes rules for nice guys"
Author	ringseller
Upvotes	130
Comments	42
Date	November 10, 2021 7:28 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/comments/qr23mf/file_this_simultaneously_under_postwall_divorcee/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen/file-this-simultaneously-under-post-wall-divorcee.1084807 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084807

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