Why is this so hard

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-04-05T14:39:28+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s not even about where you’re at in your journey compared to them, because you‘re on a different path. Why is it easier for them? Because their path is easier. Why is their path easier? Who honestly knows. They could have more resources, they could have less trauma, or they could be willing to accept less. They could be walking on a smooth wooden boardwalk, in bare feet, not realizing they are collecting splinters along the way.

My point is, you will never be happy when you compare yourself to others. I can think of hundreds of women who I wish I could be, but our journeys are not the same. You have to learn to stop comparing yourself to others and start focusing on comparing yourself to you. The you who accepted less than she deserved, the you who didn’t care about your mental or physical health in a tangible way, the you who who allowed herself to be 2nd place to other things in your own life instead of putting yourself first. You aren’t leveling up to be better than other women, that’s a lose lose situation. You are leveling up to be a better version of yourself.

And I know none of that really solves the problem, but that’s because the problem is about the mindset, and only you can change that for yourself.

You sound like a young woman who is learning what she wants, who wants to better, who is reflective and intelligent and full of hope, and I can’t imagine you not succeeding once you shift your mindset to be about who you were and who you are. 🌸💖

CashMoneyCarrots · 2021-04-06T02:34:02+00:00

I get you. Affirmations don’t work on me either. Too practical for that ish. Let’s try something else:

You’re literally 20. How are you going to feel when you’re 30 or 50? Are you planning to die once you get a wrinkle? You’re already ahead of so many of those girls, many of who will use all that confidence to walk into bedrooms with NVM who will traumatize them forever. My advice is to set a 10-year, 20-year, and 50-year plan. Watch Grace and Frankie on Netflix, and look forward to being an old single hag. You have no idea what will happen!! You could be widowed, you could be a virgin at 60, you could be divorced, you could be rich! Who knows!! You have soooooo much time.

Slow. Down. The pressure you’re putting on yourself is only going to lead you in one direction, and it’s worse than being single forever: sexual and emotional trauma from NVM. You won’t forget that stuff, trust me. I used to be you, except I didn’t go to therapy nor have FDS to back me up. I ended up becoming a low-key alcoholic and exposing myself to lots of fun sexual trauma.

You’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to have regrets no matter what. Here’s my gift to you: focus on patience. Be patient with yourself. All of the things you just started doing are going to take years. You won’t perfect any of the things you mentioned until you’re thirty. Even the makeup!

So just slow down and enjoy the ride. Find a cool FDS girlfriend to smoke weed with and talk about philosophy. Focus on making grades and making money. Chase the bag!!! All those stupid frat boys are terrible, horrible, not any good in bed. Get an internship and expose yourself to life after college.

Best of luck! Hope that helps!

dkwantsdk · 2021-04-09T06:42:13+00:00

There are girls under 20 that have achieved everything you want?? From what I'm reading of your post, you want to fit in and have external validation. These are valid human wants but they should not encompass everything you want. If a 19yo has everything you want, you are scrounging for scraps on the floor and not shooting for the stars. Achieving your goals is how you find that inner validation.

eru378 · 2021-04-08T11:03:42+00:00

I think you should take a step away from online communities and social media for a while and put serious energy into being out in the real world. FDS and FLUS are supposed to be helpful and supportive communities, and they clearly have been for you, but they're also obviously the source of a lot of anxiety and pain for you and that's not good. The "level up" talk in FDS and FLUS makes me a bit weary and I don't think it's necessarily a useful approach.

I've been where you are emotionally, and only two things have ever helped. One is to work at things that take sustained and intense physical and/or mental effort or sustained application of a skill set, and that make me proud of what I've achieved (i.e. not about instant gratification). Read and finish a difficult book. Improve my lifting numbers. Sing in a choir. Get through my tertiary studies. The other is time spent connecting with others and cultivating good relationships, whether it's a phone call to my mother or a nice chat with the barista at my favourite cafe or even just smiling at a baby on the train. And no social media!!

Try to get out of your own head and instead of fixating on who you want to be, think about what you want to do, and then do it.

Title	Why is this so hard
Author	ceedee21
Upvotes	8
Comments	19
Date	April 5, 2021 2:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/mklwoy/why_is_this_so_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/why-is-this-so-hard.792269 https://theredarchive.com/post/792269

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