Advice on developing OI, Abundance, Frame?

Countpudyoola · 2016-08-12T14:31:04+00:00

So I think she did say something here worth dissecting: "You don't talk to me, you just either don't respond or mock me" as it appears to be venturing into comfort testing.

You want her to get the message. BUT you don't want that message to mean she has 0% chance with you as that's where failing a comfort test will drive her into learned helplessness mode.

It can go from good A.A./A.M. to resentful "You're a fucktard and fuckoff" where she'll feel she will be able to mentally disengage from even trying.

I'm not saying your AA or AM wouldn't be spot on...later. But this may be a time you need to "When in doubt S.T.F.U." . If any interaction turns into this, you're still too outwardly bitter and reacting to her frame.

Keep shit light. Keep it nice/fun for both of you and if you note she wont be keeping it that way, put some distance between. Also important to be giving her positive interaction for any good overtures from her.

Show her the way to be able to keep you in the room. In the meantime if you're jumping at every prod, definitely be elsewhere divorcing your self worth from her approval and creating it again as a standalone entity, immune to outside tinkering.

FistFullOfBitches · 2016-08-12T15:02:21+00:00

I get a sense that you're overthinking things and gauging things more by your wife's behaviour and what you need to do to respond to it, than that you're actually driving your own life yet. This is OK, in the early stages, since you'll be reading so much advice and stuff here that you'll see ten levels of indirection and side effects in any possible response to an interaction. This can cause you to come across as too much the asshole/indifferent/unpredicatble and not as the fun/playfully irritating/maturely self-confident guy you're aiming for. I think/u/Countpudyoola is on the money with his observations about comfort and fun.

screechhater · 2016-08-12T23:35:44+00:00

Are you LIFTING yes or no ? are you lifting heavy ? yes or no ?

Are you socialing outside of work ? yes or no ?

What is your main objective ? Answer this honestly, is it for more sex ? is it for respect from her ? Is it your happiness ? You need to define this

OI, Abundance and Frame will develop a whole better with a social life. It is imperative you go out tonight and tomorrow and just shoot the shit with a stranger at a bar. It's that easy. See if they will be there tomorrow or bible study, whatever, just pick up the phone and connect. Redevelpoing Frame is going to be a lot easier expressing your opinions and debating topics. You will need to identify what you are passionate about and prigress. A great example of Frame is ...... Not only did I say no. I said hell no. (it's passionate- its not just opinionated, it's owned and you will not be shaken from it)

Abundance mentality is probably going to be tough for your because you are so focused on her happiness and think that her being happy is going to be your happiness. It's not. What you will find out as you do the work, you will come to realize that she is not so special as you have painted her. You are hanging on her every word and text and your emotions run ramp-id. this is not living, it's existing As you run the MAP and truly start to feel good again in your own skin and women give you nods, or acknowledge your presence and/or flirt, you start to see the wife is not the only one that can value you as a man. As this occurs more and more, you can develop the Abundance mentality.

Part of your hang up is centered on a previous post's- ultimatum of "divorce is not an option." Your simple refusal to acknowledge she would divorce you if you stopped providing, is stymieing your ability to reflect, build confidence and grow with all this knowledge here.

fuzzyface1980 · 2016-08-12T13:52:00+00:00

A&A is my best friend. I don't fake it either. The shit my wife says is hilarious. I suppose I would have been fucking butt hurt in the past, but I was just being a little bitch.

I see my wife as a little girl. Sure she's an adult.

Scurvemuch · 2016-08-12T14:39:51+00:00

Pretend.

Honestly, at first, when you are so tied into your wife, and don't have inner game... pretend. Pretend she is silly. Pretend it doesnt hurt. Pretend your responses make sense.

Other than that - you can manipulate you, she can't .

Whats the worst that can happen , she yells at you?

She leaves??

She divorces you??

Now think about how terrible those things are..,. in detail.

I think you will realize that she is just a girl, standing in front of a faggot, hoping he isn't one.

Griever114 · 2016-08-12T14:47:15+00:00

Get busy in sports and other activities that require teamwork. Build a social network outside of your current friends and GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE AND AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE.

redearththeory · 2016-08-12T15:31:27+00:00

Bottom Line: She has too much power over me

Hard for someone to have power over you unless you rely on them for something important to you. What are you trying to get from her? If you find it hard to answer that question, your anger will point you towards the answer. When was the last time you got angry with her?

redmountainpill · 2016-08-12T17:27:03+00:00

I sense a lack of self-confidence in your posts. I feel for you, because it can be hard to be unsure about yourself and then have to put up with a wife that yells at you. And maybe she's contributed to the lack of confidence. It's a vicious cycle. When you can honestly look in the mirror and realize that you are legitimately awesome, she'll lose all power. AM and AA with be natural.

Now, this sense of confidence doesn't happen because you do awesome things. Or you make lots of money. Or you're successful in other areas of your life. This is confidence that, if you broke your legs and lost your job and your friends bailed, you would still know that you are awesome. Find out why you are awesome.

Title	Advice on developing OI, Abundance, Frame?
Author	logger1234
Upvotes	2
Comments	29
Date	August 12, 2016 1:41 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4xdkjt/advice_on_developing_oi_abundance_frame/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/advice-on-developing-oi-abundance-frame.207254 https://theredarchive.com/post/207254

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