Someone suggested that I post my situation on her for advice and to get my ass kicked into the correct direction. They told me I should post in askMRP. I was told that I would reap the rewards. I’m just not sure what that will look like.

Age & BackgroundI am 47 years old, my wife is 50. I am 5'10, 190lbs (12% BF) and have dead bedroom situation. I lift 5 to 6 times per week - twice with a personal trainer.. I found Married Man Sex Primer years back and read the book and applied most of it. I feel that my issues seem unique in some way because I am great looking and super fit. I do not smoke, do not drink, no drugs, in fact I also make money in entertainment business and quite good looking.

Breaking the Nice Guy I do feel that I have lived in the "Nice Guy" frame as in NMMNG as I have read this book several times and I majorly fell into covert contracts, trying to please and serve her needs thinking she will serve mine. When I read the book of pook - I also realized that I have been hiding my sexuality/sexual needs thinking that if I was NICE and helped others that they would be interested in meeting my needs. I had some issues around sexuality and fell into this nice realm because I was the oldest, lost my dad at 4, and was molested by a man at age 8-9.

This caused me to always be friends with great looking girls. Most of the women I met was because I poured my energy into creative art, dancing, athletics and excelled in that which brought them to me. I was also in the marines and did many many sports.

SEX/ SEX FREQUENCY The biggest situation right now is the lack of sex. In the last 3 years perhaps we had sex 5 times. I have tried in the past to discuss it with wife and suggested counseling, doctor and working on it as a team.. Many times its as if another person comes out from wife and redirects the blame, responsibility and issues all being mine. She has even admitted that if I had sex 2-3 times per week we would have no issues. I think there is some sense of entitlement for her around getting what she wants in order for me to have what I want. Even though I have stated that I am unhappy with the lack of sex and wanting to work on it - she tends to avoid this with low energy, tired excuses, or even to the fact that my whole connection with her is only with sex. It has been an extreme expression she directs me to saying I only feel love through sex, or that all I care about is sex...

ALL LOOKS BRIGHT & PEACHY If you were on the outside looking in - you would think all is great. Family is great, Talking is great, we do fun things as a family, I do lots of work for the family, Support the family making most of the money, I also take care of our daughter in the share of duties, I am very understanding husband and make new friends easily everywhere I go. I am super social and always generating great ideas for our business and life .. as long as we do not bring up sex all looks great.. We both work out and are healthy and she just turned 50 and is going through meno-pause as well.

However around the sex she has said some crazy comments and i do not know WHY, perhaps its an avoidance tactic and a way to redirect it back on me so she just does not have to deal, or she is tired or lost her libido.

CRAZY TALK Here are some weird things said to me during conversations:

"Oh, yeah"- you have it because we are married that I am the only one you can have sex with"

" Do you want to date other people", " Maybe you need to find someone to have sex with because I am not sure if I can meet your needs" "I just do not have any more energy to give" " Why do I have to work with you in creating a new way of looking at our relationship"

"She talked about Jewish kids being circumsized, and sexually molested and how horrible that is" I said why are you looking at that" she said well someone now has to deal with them being victims and having issues later on in life.. I said what are you talking about ? she said well this has to do with you ... You only feel love through sex and look how you relate to sex" - my response as this was latest comment - " I like having sex, sex is naturally healthy for any healthy relationship. We are all sexual beings, I am not going to go hide in a closet and hide me being sexual - its a healthy part of a relationship.

READING

So I have been reading again: NMMNG - WISNIFG - Book of Pook - Extreme Ownership - Self Esteem Book - I am lifting and STFU. Also reading a lot and frankly it gets confusing - I know this is a process and I have to do all of these things for a while. I have been told to not worry about sex at the moment.

SIMPLE DIRECT PROGRESS

I just want a direct path to simple process in which I can progress. I read the dread levels, but more than ever I feel I need coaching that makes simple sense .. All of the information you can get confused. I know I keep looking "OVER THERE" for evidence of results. It gets me angry as I feel I have screwed up me having my needs met and on top of that my wife just seems shut down sexually. Perhaps she is kind of depressed, yet I know I can not fix her or make her change who she is.

PAINFUL PATH

It hurts as I have been with her for 20 years now, just how much I feel as if I missed out on my needs. I guess I had glasses on and was just pretending that it was good.. When I read experiences on her I just get a bit frustrated. IN the last 3 years 5 times, missionary position - maybe one BJ, and I read guys on here and I am like WOW, they have more sex in a week then I have in 5 years. I like sex and perhaps lately I have gotten to know myself and work on me, yet I feel shut down with her sexually because of all of the excuses and I just feel she has a switch turned off ( libido)..

MULTIPLE FACTORS

I do know that much of this has to do with multiple things. Me being in her frame, no dread, if I was smacking my career out of the park home run and was killing it I feel things would be much better. She speaks of us buying homes and property and all of these future business ideas.. She seems to have so much time for so many things yet SEX seems to be the last thing on her list.. I feel she could have depression from losing her parents 5 years ago and the hormone change around menopause

FEEDBACK

So I am sure I will get some harsh comments. I just want to stay on course for me to have a satisfying life as my own man. I want to get what I desire and be happy. I want a passionate marriage and sexual relationship... What is the simplest way to get there. I do not think its my looks or fitness, I am working on getting to 6%-7% and always am working on myself since 2013. I just ran a half marathon and I am in great shape but most of my challenge is me trying to restructure my thinking, remove covert contracts, and retrain my behavior around SEX and being rejected and how to deal with that. Also I noticed I only initiate at night and we have only had sex between 9:30 PM and 11 Pm.. never any other times. There is so MUCH that I want to improve.. It just seems like a TON of work ..I want the simplest way, when I read many of these books.. the major factor is applying them to my LIFE..