Compliance tests

sleep-state · 2023-05-25T16:16:58+00:00

If you don't want to do something, it's okay to just not do it. There is nothing wrong with that.

It's also okay for people to be upset about that. It's normal. There's nothing wrong with people being upset.

NMMNG and WISNIFG.

Blarg_Risen · 2023-05-25T22:10:11+00:00

Are they shit tests?

No. Your ego is just so huge and defensive that you react as if these things are a big deal. She asked you to do something. You said "tomorrow" IE "on my terms". Why is this taking up any more mental space?

Tyred_Biggums · 2023-05-25T19:03:45+00:00

My wife seems to be constantly compliance testing

Water is wet.

How the fuck can a man live like this lol with this constant bullshit.

And you fail a lot of them. Learn to enjoy and have fun with this.

asks if I’ll take down our washing basket at 10pm at night

“Wow, how wet did I make your panties today? It’s not going to start smelling is it?”

redwall92 · 2023-05-25T15:07:29+00:00

Do your kids ever ask you to do stuff that isn't a priority for you to do in the moment?

Kevlar__Soul · 2023-05-25T18:32:42+00:00

Response that worked for me is “I am your husband not your butler”

You have to hold the boundary and if you say no you have to stick to it. Took only a couple weeks and my wife stopped. She can bitch all she wants but you just broken record “I am not your servant”. If she keeps it up do something productive like go to the gym. Key is not letting her get you emotional and just broken record.

She knows she is wrong and will try to guilt you or piss you off. This is childish behavior so treat her like you would one of your kids when they are being bratty and you find it slightly amusing.

There are exceptions for things my wife can’t physically do on her own. Grabbing things for her that are out of reach or too heavy. Or if it was something I should have handled before but let slip. Other than that I ask myself if my friend asked me to do that would it do it for them. Difference between being in the kitchen and grabbing her a drink vs both being on the couch and her ask you to get one. I would grab one for my buddies if I was already there but I am not running to get him one if he was right next to me.

Responsible_Sun_7466 · 2023-05-25T16:21:04+00:00

What value do you see in taking the washing basket down at 10PM? Is it perhaps only to avoid conflict?

Are you owning your shit in the home the other 23 hours of the day, as you are a man that has his shit together without the need to live with a substitute mommy?

I recommend you to read No More Mr Nice Guy and When I Say No I Feel Guilty, and if you have, read them again. You are the ultimate judge of your actions, not r/askMRP, and not your wife.

Remington-Holmes · 2023-05-25T20:05:00+00:00

You get many compliance tests. Why? 1) She is a woman and 2) Some combination of the following are likely A) You continually comply, so when she wants something she only has to command her servant B) You're incompetent, so she has to micromanage you to get you to own your shit C) Your fat/unattractive/badly groomed or just have a slave mentality where you will unconditionally take her bullshit (and perhaps zero pussy) and you can't or won't put your own priorities first, and find plates of she isn't meeting your needs D) You are so unattractive and hen-pecked that the only fun she can have with you is from dominating and disrespecting you.

Sidebar and lift. Be attractive, not unattractive. STFU, and verbal discourse is optional. Wife being a cunt and and treating you like a servant? It doesn't even warrant a single word, even an eye movement. You probably just comply often and this reward her. Even if you don't comply, but you show through frustrated body language, words, DEERING you communicate that you're operating in her frame and sending the message that you are sensitive to her 'bullying'. That is to say being bullied by a feeble woman, a massive DLV.

Let's say that you own your shit. If you have a frigid harpy wife, that isn't meeting your needs, not adding value to your life, then why would you reward her bad behaviour? It makes sense to spend your time, effort, attention, resources and presence where it serves YOU. When you are a valuable commodity and you don't give the wife the benefit of that commodity unless she behaves, then she has something valuable she could potentially lose. She also has an incentive to be pleasant to work to keep you around.

Don't forget that if you have frame, some controlled 'agression' can do wonders. A man doesn't have to be a pussy and tolerate all the bullshit. A valuable man with frame can communicate (with or without words) that the woman is being shitty and that he's not going to tolerate it.

james-the-professor · 2023-05-25T21:30:48+00:00

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you have very poor leadership or no leadership skills within your household.

Because you have not facilitated aligning on expectations for housework, your wife will handle it with her leadership skills.

Her leadership skills are: when I feel like something needs to be done I will ask my husband to do it.

If this is not working for you, you would be wise to communicate that and step into a leadership role to organize the household duties in such a way that your wife does not need to ask you to perform these tasks as the primary process for getting them completed.

It sounds like simple expectation management to me.

In short:

You suck.

You have no frame.

You live in your wife's frame.

Get better.

steadfastkingdom · 2023-05-30T06:20:24+00:00

you are not responsible for her hurt feelings

Title	Compliance tests
Author	Rp_Guar
Upvotes	4
Comments	29
Date	May 25, 2023 12:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/13rgzox/compliance_tests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/compliance-tests.1220297 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220297

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