I've only recently been introduced to TRP after searching for answers as to my behavior and the way that I am managing my relationship. Even before discovering TRP, I understood that I have been shooting myself in the foot, though I still don't understand what to do about it. All I know is that it’s my problem, something I'm struggling greatly with, and a problem I need to overcome for the sake of my relationship.

A little backstory:

I grew up in an abusive household, didn’t receive a lot of attention unless it was negative, and that led me to some fairly unhealthy relationships later on in my late teens/early 20’s. I accepted things that I never should have from partners and dealt with shitty behavior poorly due to my own lack of self respect. Started reading about Attachment Theory later on and realized that I'm very insecure in attachment and that once I open up, I have great difficulty not feeling as if I NEED that person for survival. It's extremely unhealthy, toxic, and causes a trigger with some abandonment issues. My fear of the loss of intimacy and interpersonal connection tends to make me sacrifice everything else in favor of clinging to my relationship(s) and doing everything I can to keep them.

This brings me to my marriage. Sex is still frequent, attention is still there, but my behaviors are repeating themselves and I can see what they're ultimately going to do to the relationship. I just don't know how to remedy them and stop mate guarding.

I find myself consistently asking my partner for reassurance - If she loves me etc. She’s said a lot of big words: “I’ll be with you forever” “I don't want anyone else” “It’s only you”

A lot of things that I don't feel comfortable putting my trust in. Words are words and as I read more here and about hypergamy, it's left me uncomfortable. I find myself asking who she’s talking to all the time, if she would ever hurt me, and numerous other things like this. It hasn't started cracking our relationship in any noticeable way yet, but I know that it will, if it hasn’t already started to cause her to lose respect for me. I know this is beta behavior, but it feels agonizing when I don't ask these questions for comfort.

I have a huge fear that she will leave me or cheat on me. I know a lot of men might say to pay attention to the signs, but there are many ways a person can be unfaithful (emotionally etc). It's likely that you might never know, and that's really the part that scares. It's one thing if you find out, take that pain, walk away with your respect. Having it happen behind your back? The fear of not knowing? That's what scares me. To be honest, any of us could be being cucked right now without a clue. Vetting aside. Doing everything right.

Anyway, I’m in therapy, reading the sidebar, trying to not be a pussy, but I need to make sense of these fears, find ways to manage them, and ultimately find some peace. I doubt that I'm the first person to struggle with this.

I'll also close with this: There aren't any massive read flags or anything, but I witnessed the branch swing once. She was married previously, guy was a complete fuck up, we became friends shortly before she left, though she tried to hang in there for years.