Covert Contracts

_RPeed · 2023-08-23T19:53:33+00:00

90% of communication is implicit, not explicit. The very definition of Frame is the implied context of an interaction.

There is nothing wrong with not using overt communication. Pretty much the definition of social skills.

Expectations are also a thing. I don’t just expect sex, I expect an LTR to beg to choke on my dick.

If a woman isn’t fucking you, your frame, game and looks are not on point. Getting them on point and expecting women to do whatever you tell them after is not a covert contract, it’s red pill math.

Sepean · 2023-08-23T20:57:18+00:00

A covert contract is when you make some weird imaginary deal in your head like “I’ll get a promotion and do the dishes and she’ll fuck me.”

Trying to make it overt will not make it better. The whole idea of “contracts” in a relationship is misguided. It’s just not a transactional arrangement. If she’s attracted to you she’ll be good because she wants to. If she’s not attracted to you, she’s not going to uphold her end of any deal you make.

Wanting something, working towards a goal, taking action in order to get results, those are not covert contracts.

Aubrey_D_Graham · 2023-08-23T20:02:04+00:00

You can expect sex and avoid covert contracts as long as you communicate your expectations.

I'm not telling you to do dishes, clean house, mow the lawn in orderto get your wife to fuck you.

I'm also not telling you to hang up a calender and have your wife fuck you on agreed upon, scheduled days.

Like all things, relationships require nuance. You can avoid all this bullshit by being as attractive (alpha) and as valuable (beta) as you can be.

rocknrollchuck · 2023-08-23T21:30:47+00:00

It's not about your expectations. It's about those expectations being unstated, and implicitly expected because of something you did.

It's a thought like "I took her out to dinner and spent a bunch of money, surely that means she'll want to have sex when we get home." Without actually saying anything directly to her.

To avoid this, state your expectations clearly in the relationship apart from anything you do for/with her. Your expectation should be having sex regularly, and she should already know that. Going to dinner is a bonus and you're expecting sex regardless, not because you spent money on her.

BoringAndSucks · 2023-08-23T20:23:59+00:00

A HVM doesn't even need to expect, because girls will just fuck him as they badly want his great sex and dominance.

Even when a women is coming home, the context is very clear and set.

There is sex, anal play, she is cooking those delicious protein pancakes he loves and then he cuddles her and enjoys her.

Many other times there are surprising roller-coaster, sex toys, cosplay or whatever that the girl will go with, and if she didn't like to for any reason. He will still have fun.

On the other hand, a LVM lives in his head.

LVM: "She always complained about them dishes, I will wash them so now she would fuck me (he meant it literally)".

She: "You are a complete failure, even the dishes you can't wash properly; you aren't getting pegged today with your favorite strapon".

LVM gets very angry that he isn't getting his promised strapon that he mentally masturbated about and starts to act like a little betch in a passive aggressive way.

mdjfodiepcklrn2 · 2023-08-24T05:02:05+00:00

I think of covert contracts as anything I do to get something from my partner instead of something I do for my own interest/wellbeing. It’s good to be focused on your own growth in general, but especially when you’re dealing with a failing relationship. It’s easy to let your hurt sidetrack you into chasing a validation carrot and only losing frame/getting more invested in something that’s not working. You want to be someone that you’d be proud of regardless of what she thinks.

Good litmus test: if I knew that my partner found me doing this unattractive, would I still want to do it?

Responsible_Sun_7466 · 2023-08-23T20:40:11+00:00

I think you should be aware of your covert contracts, and be very mindful of the reasons why you are doing things. There is a difference between doing something because you want something in return, and doing something as a gift. Know when you do something for someone else's favor, and when you do something because of your own altruism.

Athol Kay recommends making your covert contracts overt. My personal experience is that it never works, my wife had a much larger awareness of my covert contracts than what I had. What works for me is asking myself what is most important for me right now, and doing that.

I absolutely think that you can and should have expectations on behavior. Those are called boundaries. Having expectations on behavior is not an example of a covert contract, but expecting things in return for things you do is.

Kevlar__Soul · 2023-08-25T01:19:34+00:00

The real problem with covert contracts is the bitterness you feel when they don’t hold up their end of the contract. Key is doing things to improve yourself while dropping the bitterness because you expect nothing but you getting closer to your goal

I can lift weights and lose weight expecting my wife to fuck me again (validation). It’s good that I am getting in shape but if I get mad when she won’t sleep with me and I quite it’s counter productive. She see you get in shape then tests the new you and you quite and it comes off as needy validation seeking behavior.

On flip side I could left weights with the goal of improving myself to make myself more attractive. Now if my wife doesn’t sleep with me that fine because I am still more attractive and working toward my goal.

It takes time to truly eliminate these contracts. I like to read NMMNG every 6 months and even after 3 read through I still pick something new out each time.

feddyman_1216 · 2023-08-25T16:29:08+00:00

CCs span all types of relationships, not just intimate ones. Bottom line is anything you do, let it be because that's what made you happy or what you wanted to do, regardless of outcome/appreciation/reciprocation. Compliments, gifts, attention, affection, favors, etc.

Anytime you do anything with an unwritten/unspoken expectation for the other person to reciprocate, it becomes a CC. Those will ruin relationships, and most importantly your confidence.

As a recovering Nice Guy, trust me there was nothing worse than feeling like others "didn't care about me" based on not meeting expectations that they weren't aware of because I was too nice to state them, or so lame I did things hoping to get something in return.

Title	Covert Contracts
Author	AirForceNerd
Upvotes	5
Comments	17
Date	August 23, 2023 7:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/15zec3i/covert_contracts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/covert-contracts.1229538 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229538

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