I posted last week about some issues with my ex. The post was titled "I spit the redpill back up, I'm struggling to get it back down again"

This is a rant on the things I've noticed in myself since my previous post and upon studying more of RedPill Theory.

I was originally only going to send this to a friend, but I figured I'd ask the whole community.

First, I know I can win her back. Like, I know I can have her again. The only way I know how is by folding, showering her with attention, and basically begging her to be with me. I know better than to do those things, which is why I haven't. I know those things shift the power dynamic more in her favor, and I get treated like shit and walked all over because I built this pedestal and put her on top of it. So I keep my distance, I let her know that she doesn't get my attention when she acts the way that she has, but it feels like I'm the one who's craving attention. I know this is indicative of some type of issue. I should be secure enough to retract from a relationship if I'm being disrespected, however, I don't find this to be the case.

This brings me to my next point. Other women aren't her. And she's not special, I get that. But she has the most "value" out of all the women I've been with. (Maybe my issue is a lack of abundance? But then, how could I go about acquiring that?) She's the most attractive, most available, sexually open, well-off financially, and most enjoyable out of all the women I've been with. I know she's not the "one" but putting everything on paper, she's been the best I've had so far, and I'll admit that. It feels like that's the part I'm hung up on. I have other options, but they just aren't as attractive. I have a girl who I don't really like all too much who is sending me photos throughout the day and HAVING her only reminds me of what I DON'T HAVE. I feel like the most practical way to resolve these emotions would just be to fuck better women, but I've been struggling to do so. I set up a goal template for myself to start moving my social life in the direction I'd like to see it move in, but I guess part of me is just doubtful I'll find success. It feels like I'm lacking the confidence to spin plates.

But all of that aside, I suppose the real issue would be that I'm deriving some type of self-worth from my success with women. I have to imagine that this problem is what leads a lot of people over to RedPill. I'm not sure how to fix it. Of course, I can just go out and find success with women, which is the approach I've been taking. Eventually, I'll see enough success that I get bored of them and move on. Like how people will purchase newer faster cars, or fancy kitchen appliances only to replace them with a newer model in a few years. Having something makes you not care about it, while not having something constantly nags at you. Looking at that basic fact about the human brain, I can only assume that's why having abundance seemingly makes you a natural at RedPill and Game. Is there any other way to stop searching for validation through the women I meet? Or will I just stop caring once I game enough women?

I was reading Antidump’s machine and he went on to say how if she’s not super interested in you, then you have to drop her. Like, if she declines two date ideas you just delete her number. And I’m going to sound like such a bitch for saying this, but that sounds crazy to me. That high of a standard for women just seems absurd. I’m lucky to get two or three dates a month (working on getting this number up. It's in my goals template), and there’s almost always a negotiation on what that date will be. I feel like if I held those same standards I’d be shit out of luck. That highlights a problem in myself, and I think it’s because I’m so desperate for validation/ approval/ love/ or whatever the hell it may be, that the idea of not entertaining women who aren’t ALL ABOUT me sounds nuts. From my understanding of RedPill Theory, I developed this dependency through my relationship with my mother. How do I rid myself of it?

Briffault's law. I need help applying it to my situation. I'm not sure what exactly she gained from our relationship in the first place. She wanted a husband and children, I told her it wouldn't be with me. We split because of that, but got back together several times after the fact. She now messages me once a week and just asks how I'm doing.

  1. Why did she come back knowing that I refused to give her what she wants? Was it boredom, sex, or attention? All of the above?
  2. Why has the association continued, what benefit is she getting out of me? We don't spend time together anymore, we don't have sex anymore, and of the little that we do text, I've put a focus on not trying to win her back. It can't be boredom, sex, or attention. Why does she still reach out?

I'd love to be pointed in the right direction by some more experienced users on the subreddit. All feedback is appreciated. I'm not done learning by any means and I don't plan to stop studying or practicing RedPill anytime soon. I'm turning to the community to help understand and see the things I haven't been able to on my own.