D- On a shit test, I think

Scurvemuch · 2016-09-28T19:15:53+00:00

your meta is wrong.

For one, the set up really doesn't matter, at least not the way you described it.

Second, here is what happened - you did not communicate when you would be arriving home to the other adult in the house. You failed to coordinate this, failed to find out if there was a need or a request you could fulfill, failed to acknowledge your family's existence and so on.

From her end, she is doing a family thing, entertaining kid... You went to entertain yourself. This has nothing to do with store being 15 minutes away or three blocks. Don't be autistic. You went away on business ( not there for them fam), then you came back... and didnt even try to be part of the family.

Dude... you know why YOU have to " convince her" and "qualify to her"???

Because you failed this time, and likely the length of your marriage to lead your family.

TheFamilyAlpha · 2016-09-28T19:03:40+00:00

RedPilling

What the fuck does this mean? What is your goal? to be red pill? What the fuck does that mean? It's a praxeology used to help men get laid as well as (to a lesser degree) reclaim their 'self' identity.

So you've been 'redpilling' - how about you shift your perspective and you say, *I've been reclaiming my masculine nature, the one I lost because I had no male role models and grew up in a shitty society that favored the weak. I thought Disney endings were real and because of this I became a fat weak complacent fuck after finding a girl who let me get my dick wet inside her.

"you say you want to be part of this family but you get to go wherever you want whenever you want, If I go to the store I have to ask everyone if they need anything, but you just do what you want ..." Whut.

Is there legitimacy to this? Does your wife develop herself as a woman or is she only Mom???

This is your wife, not an autistic kid you're dealing with. Don't talk to her like a child or in a formal way like you would during a business deal.

You're so fucked up in thinking you know exactly what is going on that you aren't recognizing you're driving blind.

What is your vision for this family? Do you have any intent on understanding what it is that your wife & kids need?

They aren't going to tell you. Your wife won't tell you she is suffocating with your fucking attitude and your kids won't tell you that they're caught in the middle and don't understand why you take off at random times.

Have you ever brought your kid with you to the gym instead of leaving them behind? Have you ever brought the kid to story time?

Unfuck yourself.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2016-09-29T04:04:31+00:00

You traveled 7hrs to get home to your family and didn't bother to tell any of them when you would arrive? Or you didn't tell any of them how glad you'd be to see them in Xhours? You're not even being cordial to them. Don't confuse being stupid with Red Pill.
It does seem shitty that you go to the store and don't tell them. There's a balance between setting yourself up to shop for $200 in groceries when you just wanted to grab batteries and steak. But you can easily be a Captain and foreshadow with "after lunch I'll stop by the mini-mart to pick up batteries and steak; If you need anything from the mini-mart let me know before 1PM".

SorcererKing · 2016-09-29T05:32:35+00:00

I'm thinking you just don't have any plan or vision here, for anything. You have a nebulous desired outcome for yourself and your life, but no actual plan. No exciting vision you can get your family to buy into. Develop that and you won't be sneaking around walking on eggshells and your wife won't wonder why you're trying to pull a Houdini all the time.

P.S. - the shit about the store was not at all about the store. It was really, "What the fuck are you doing all the time? You're never here, and when you are you're fucking useless."

Bread_Pilled · 2016-09-28T19:52:41+00:00

It's all too common for men to take the mantra STFU literally. Of course, it does have its appropriate times and places; however, it should not substitute effective communication with ones spouse.

Leading and respect and boundaries are my current focus

Analyze this. Did the communication (or lack thereof) effectively establish the ability to lead, to garner respect, or to enforce boundaries? I think not.

Consider the following examples:

I said I'd be home late Tuesday, did not text on way back with an ETA or specific time. When I did arrive at 8:00PM or so, the family was surprised....

I get back, and the wife is surprised I went to gym without telling her.

What reasons have you for failing to communicate your plans? Was it an attempt to not be beholden to your spouse? Was it because you feel you shouldn't need to check in? What would the difference have been if you simply said "be home at 8:00" or "I'm going to the gym."?

Then, when confronted with an inquiry, there is an attempt to fog:

Instead I said "it seems like you want to be more informed of my plans, and for me to be more conscientious. That seems reasonable." and changed the subject. I did not respond to the mouthwash thing 'cuz that's silly

Rhetorical Inquiry: how did the above communication further the goal of leading, earning respect, and/or enforcing boundaries?

Her: "I want you to tell me where you are going, but if I tell you you need to do that you'll complain I am controlling.

Would there be a complaint about her being controlling? Is it unreasonable for ones spouse to inquire where her loved one is? Is this preferable to her not caring at all about you?

Sapphire_Jizz · 2016-09-28T18:55:08+00:00

You're entirely consumed by a DEER mindset. Shit, you're DEERing to us:

The store I went to is 3 blocks away. The supermarket you go to is a 15 minute drive each way. Also, no one said you HAD to ask us all for permission. (I did NOT say that, that's DEERing, I know.)

You may not have said that to her, but you're also entirely in her frame. All she has to do is toss out a meek shaming tactic and you completely fold. Maybe not obviously in that moment -- you manage to blurt out an odd negative inquiry -- but believe me she can feel that she is dictating the tune overall. Your response wasn't natural or strong... do you think Chad would say that to her?

What are you afraid of?

BobbyPeru · 2016-09-30T06:27:36+00:00

What I have found out through experience is it's best to tell the wife you are leaving for a while. That's just what grown-ups do. Don't DEER it, just own it.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-09-29T14:52:48+00:00

you're talking on the surface, she doesn't care about that shit, sounds like a comfort test, and you are giving reassurances on the surface. I've had these in the past, I laugh, grab the bitch, and say some sweet words with a big smile. Kiss her on the forehead, bitches love paternal shit.

If you're going to set up the expectation, just do so, stop talking your way into it

Not horrible, but I've seen it done much better.

bangorlol · 2016-09-28T19:12:37+00:00

As far as the gym thing goes, AM would be a good tool to employ here. "How am I supposed to surprise you with a rock hard six pack if you watch me wrap the gift?" or "I ate a donut and felt guilty. Didn't want you to find out by seeing it on my love handles tomorrow (wink)".

Store thing.. well, your time is your time. You're probably not in a position to make that apparent yet, so AA/AM yet again can be your friend. "My phone was stolen by a band of marauders." "I couldn't get my phone out of my pocket to ask if you needed anything because my quads are swole af and these jeans fit too damn well". Just be ridiculous and funny. She'll melt when you show her she's mad about nothing. She wants to know where you are because she's controlling and probably paranoid.

Title	D- On a shit test, I think
Author	logger1234
Upvotes	0
Comments	17
Date	September 28, 2016 6:45 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/54xwor/d_on_a_shit_test_i_think/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/d-on-a-shit-test-i-think.207042 https://theredarchive.com/post/207042

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