Defending your wife

Mecha75 · 2017-01-17T18:04:42+00:00

Do nothing. Don't encourage either way. Women are emotional beings. Ride out the emotional storm and you keep being you. She doesnt need an alpha protector after the fact, but she does need to shelter in the calm harbor that is you until the storm blows over. And it will.

InChargeMan · 2017-01-18T04:17:07+00:00

STFU. Just listen, nod, and after she is done keep STFU. Definitely don't give your suggestions or badmouth the other girls, that just brings you into the situation. In a shit-storm ... everybody gets dirty.

Murphbah · 2017-01-18T16:55:23+00:00

Little bit late to the party but I'll pitch in...

Like others have said before me, be her rock, which you already know how to do

When it comes to the husband dilemma, he's probably thinking the same thing as you... "do I address this?" "If I do then how so?" "Maybe if I just pretend it didn't happen he won't say anything"...

I would definitely bring it up if you're close with this guy, not in a "wtf your wife is retarded for doing that to my wife" attitude, but a sort of "so that thing that happened was unfortunate hey?"

You could get one of two reactions...

1) he responds with "That was your wife's fault and I never want to interact with your family again" very unlikely, but even if that's what happens, fuck that guy, he's a shallow douche anyways...

OR

2) he responds with "oh yeah totally man, what a miscommunication" which I believe is more likely. You guys bond over your wives having their cat fights, bing bada boom: BFFs

Very interested with how this turns out

SampsonBrass · 2017-01-18T11:37:18+00:00

You don't have to deal with it. Everything about your telling of this story is pathetic. "Her special day." "Their selfish agendas."

Who knows what enormity you're really referring to. Could be they got a bigger slice of cake than she did or they rooked her on some real estate deal. You don't say so I bet it's something like the former. People suck sometimes. Time for everyone to grow up and accept it.

Bencousinwater · 2017-01-18T14:32:45+00:00

Don't fix her problem(s)..."fix her feelz".

http://archive.is/rZ7DN

Countpudyoola · 2017-01-18T19:34:59+00:00

My friends have the go to phrase of "chick shit" when our wives/girlfriends disagree. If we weren't involved we don't bring it to our table.

Likewise I'm a huge pragmatist in if I didn't witness some emotional exchange or argument , then I have no true opinion on what really happened.

In the rare instance if advice from me is explicitly sought (ie. I'm not just there to listen), then I'll try to emphasize what I say is only with 1/2 the perspective.

And when it comes to emotions you'll never effectively be able to use REASON. Just steer, prod, try to get them to think.

Astonishingly sometimes it works. But still... chick shit... needs to be resolved by them or it never really is (resolved).

Gallbladder_Summoner · 2017-01-18T20:18:56+00:00

I'm late to the party here, but have personal experience with a similar situation.

Story time

There are a lot of solid responses already in the comments, so I won’t directly give you advice. However, I’ll leave you with a few things I learned from a similar situation that happened with my wife a few years back, hopefully you’ll be able to learn from my mistakes.

I have one guy friend who in common parlance would be called my BFF, though the truth is it’s deeper than that. We’ve known eachother for more than 60% of our lives at this point gotten into and out of all sorts of tight spots and served together in the greatest military branch on earth, though we were not together in combat, unfortunately. He’s the brother I never had, and for lack of a better term, my hetero-life-mate. I’ve known he and his wife since before my wife and I even started dating, so there’s history. This is important for context, because you don’t say how tight you are with your bro-friend in your case.

When I got together with my wife everything was hunky-dory; we all got along pretty well, had good times hanging out together, etc… until the wives got into it over some stupid shit. I don’t care to share specifics, but suffice to say one of them was being a bitch, the other decided she wasn’t going to tolerate it, and a cat fight (not physical) ensued.

This coincided with a change of duty stations, so while we kept in touch sporadically (my bro and I), things got distant for several years.

Lessons Learned:

Communicate like a man with other men

Shortly after we were both living in the same area again I got together with my buddy and we sat down over beers for a few hours to catch up on things. Issue with wives came up, we talked about it enough to get a better picture of what actually happened by comparing their stories, and decided a couple things:

Fuck them, they’re both being irrational, it’s their problem, so we won’t let it affect our guy time.
While we can encourage reconciliation, we cannot force it to happen, so we have to be OK with just being friends without our families, at least for now.

TL;DR: Don’t pussyfoot around the issue, be a man and talk to him. We had both been acting like women for the first few weeks we were home and things were a little awkward. Once we hashed it out together things were back to the way they were 5+ years ago overnight. If we hadn’t directly addressed it I might have one less Friend right now, and that would suck.

You are not one fucking unit once you get married

Whatever your wife decides about her friendship with the other wife, that doesn’t affect your friendship with her friend’s husband; “we’re one unit now that we’re married” is bullshit; realize that your wife is not going to like everyone you do, and will probably dislike a good many of the people you spend time with; they are in competition with her for your time (commitment), and if you are surrounding yourself with quality men will encourage you to up your game. Depending on your wife, she may not like that you’re disrupting the status-quo by improving yourself and that your bros are encouraging it.

If you value this guy and his friendship, it doesn’t fucking matter whether your wife likes him and/or his wife. My wife and my bro’s wife are still both butthurt at each other as a result of what happened, but mine also knows that I will not end the friendship at her request so it’s become a non-issue, other than interfering with being able to hang out in group settings. Conversely, my wife has friends who I don’t really enjoy being around. As long as they’re not gallivanting around whoring and looking for strange cock to fall onto I don’t sweat it.

Bros before hoes

My buddy is pretty locked on and has a lot of "Alpha" traits as a result of his upbringing and life experience, but he still fucks it up from time to time. I’m picking it up gradually, and remembering what I threw out when I bought into the marriage 2.0 lie. When we get together we rip on each other constantly, give each other needed encouragement to do the right things and maintain discipline, and shame each other when we fuck shit up.

Having a friend like this is absolutely fucking invaluable and something you should be willing to fight for tooth and nail. The online Red Pill community is solid, and is absolutely doing good for men and masculinity, but there is only so much you can accomplish through a keyboard. Acta non verba applies; you cannot build strong, lasting, meaningful masculine relationships exclusively online since all we are really doing it talking.

At the risk of sounding homo-erotic, the fact is that there is potential for much closer relationships with your bros than with any woman you’ll ever meet; it’s preached here all the time: she’ll never be able to love you in the same way you love her.

Occasionally I’ll still catch a story about a WWII vet who has passed away being interred aboard the wreck of the USS Arizona, or his ashes spread on the beach at Tarawa or Iwo Jima, and it always gives me a chill, along with a surge of emotion; pride and longing, mostly. Pride at the example of these Men, who fought tooth and nail and gave everything they had for their brothers. Their Esprit de Corps is fucking inspiring and always leaves me in awe. Although I served, I never experienced anything close to the sort of hardships that the Marines, sailors and soldiers did in the pre-gulf wars, and it leaves me with a sense of emptiness and longing. It sounds perverse, but I desire hardships and life-and-death circumstances, because that is how these types of bonds are formed; we’re wired for it as men, because it was a key to survival of the tribe and species in prehistoric times.

Those Men know that brotherhood has nothing to do with the blood you’re born with, and everything to do with the blood you spill, both in training and in battle. Those men are bonded as brothers and would die or kill for one another, whether they were what people today call “friends” or not. Women do not, and likely cannot, form, understand, or even comprehend this type of bond between men; nor should they be encouraged, or allowed, to interfere with them.

TL;DR

Your wife will make up her own mind about her friendship with whatserface regardless of your input. Let her vent and be her rock as everyone else has suggested.

Regardless of her decision, she does not dictate who your friends are; you are not one homogeneous unit just because you said some words in a church and paid the state to help divorce-rape future-MindfulStoic.

Talk to your buddy like a Man; get both sides to the story (guaranteed his wife has been bitching to him, too), and determine if there is an issue between the two of you and if so settle it and move on. If there's no issue, drop it and resume being awesome.

If you value your friend do not allow your wife's drama to break up your bromance. Your wife isn’t special, her pussy feels like all the rest of them. If this dude is a capital “F” Friend, don’t throw it away for your wife; 1) she’ll probably respect you more if you set a boundary and do what you do regardless of her feelz and irrational demands and 2) if you’ve got your shit together you can get a similar or better woman easy peasy; true Friends are much more difficult to come by and should not be discarded lightly.

creating_my_life · 2017-01-18T03:26:24+00:00

Two of my wife's closest girlfriends did something pretty fucked up to her that she's extremely upset about.

That sucks for your wife.

They basically ruined what should have a been a special day for her by imposing their own selfish agendas.

Bummer for your wife.

She's hurt and angry and wants to write them off as friends.

That is her decision.

And of course one of the girl's husbands happens to be one of closest friends.

Assuming you meant [my] closest friends.

In the short term I am being her rock.

Excellent. You can only control you.

But am also trying to prevent her from making any sudden moves she will later regret.

If she asks your opinion, you can offer it. You cannot control her actions.

I am encouraging her take the high road and forgive, but not necessarily forget or condone.

Sounds like good advice from a rock.

Deep down I'm pretty angry at these bitches myself, but I'm trying to not show it.

You shouldn't be angry. They didn't do anything to you.

A bit perplexed on the best angle to take here...

You have no angle to take here. You were not involved.

especially with my friend who is essentially acting like nothing happened. Do I address the issue with him?

Was he there? Did he take action? Was it against you? Sounds a lot like, "not your problem."

I hate having to deal with this nonsense.

You don't have to deal with it. Not Your Problem.

Your issue is to be your wife's rock. Your wife's issue is what she's going to do with her friends.

ReddJive · 2017-01-17T18:12:15+00:00

You can feel anger, just dont' let the anger happen to you as in ....BEING angry.

The question is why does she want shitty people in her life? Next question is the guy a good friend? Why does that have to change?

And then....why the fuck are you trying to get in the middle of it?

MindfulStoic · 2017-01-18T17:19:23+00:00

Thank for the serious reponse. I am clear on how to handle with the woman. My concern is my friend and I think your 2 scenarios are spot on. I think he'll respond with your 2nd scenario.

We are all a part of a social circle that hangs together a lot, and at least in the short term that is likely going to change. To avoid that topic with a close male friend seems cowardly and feminine. Everyone telling me to just pretend it never happened doesn't feel right to me.

MindfulStoic · 2017-01-18T20:59:10+00:00

Thank you for this. All helpful.

red-pill-man · 2017-01-20T03:44:59+00:00

You got caught in WomanDrama. Don't.

MindfulStoic · 2017-01-31T22:00:54+00:00

UPDATE: I have listened to the advice of most here and avoided all conversation related to this topic. The only affect it has had in my life is that because my wife is no longer speaking to this friend, we haven't all hung out as couples like we typically would. I couldn't care less about that though, if I want to see the husband I can make my own plans with him (which I rather do anyway). So thank you for the kick in the ass everyone.

My friend did address the situation with me in private. I acknowledged that I was aware of it as well. We agreed that the bitches are stupid, and that was pretty much it.

Back to shit that actually matters in my life.

2ndal · 2017-01-17T18:36:33+00:00

I don't see any reason to get mixed up in this tangled mess.

How would you handle it if this was your 14-year-old daughter? Comfort your wife, give her some advice, give her a hug, whatever, but don't expect her to listen or respond logically. If she does, great. If not, that's okay too.

If you're encouraging her to take the high road, why would you not follow your own advice when considering how to respond to the husband?

Title	Defending your wife
Author	MindfulStoic
Upvotes	4
Comments	38
Date	January 17, 2017 6:00 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5ojkq3/defending_your_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/defending-your-wife.206641 https://theredarchive.com/post/206641

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