[FR] Critique, evaulate

opening_eyes · 2016-01-28T02:15:44+00:00

Cholomite pretty much summed it up. You need to shut up more. Your arguments and logic are pretty sound, but that all she receives is "he is saying something so my opinion is correct and worth engaging." On the off chance she actually listens to you, all she interprets is "he is saying something different than what i feel so he is wrong."

But you are doing better than last week's whiney posts. Keep putting in the work in your body and mentality. It can take a long time to unfuck your situation, but it can work if you work at it.

MRPguy · 2016-01-28T17:47:58+00:00

Here is how the conversation would have gone with me:

HER: [she got the hint] yeah let's have sex but As long we can switch from tomorrow night to tonight. I want to leave at 8 Friday to ski.

Me: started pounding her. No words spoken.

Dude, seriously, WTF is with your posts? It's crazy, it's like you forget everything you've read in the moment. Stop arguing with your wife.

whinemoreplease · 2016-01-28T02:40:00+00:00

Good, bad? Critique?

You tell me first.

cholomite · 2016-01-27T22:58:58+00:00

Next time try more STFU. The only thing out of your mouth after you started making out with her should be commands for her to get naked or put your dick in her mouth, and even then just the straight action would be better. She wants you to be a strong dominant who takes what he wants and doesn't negotiate with terrorists, not some weakling who is going to stop making out to enter her frame and start a discussion. It's good you closed the deal in the end but next time shut up and just fuck her.

About her "sex schedule". Fuck her sex schedule. Initiate whenever you want, but make absolutely sure you're not butthurt or jaded about it. If you adhere to this schedule you're going to look like a nice little obedient puppy waiting for his treat, instead of the big aggressive dog she really wants. Again though, do not be butthurt about it. When she turns you down, be nice, kiss her and go do something else.

One more thing, don't ever tell her about women hitting on you again. Unless it's a genuinely funny story, she will be able to smell the try-hard beta all over you and it will only hold you back. I've been there and tried it and it's better to say nothing at all and bank the entire experience in your confidence/abundance mentality box and save the energy for passing her next shit test.

Good job hitting the gym regularly, keep that shit up brother.

Trekneck · 2016-01-28T02:52:07+00:00

Entirely too much talking. Period. Do not engage the hamster.

UEMcGill · 2016-01-28T15:08:59+00:00

You broke a cardinal rule of Poon. This whole conversation operated in her frame. Never play by her rules., and as a subset, never let her schedule sex.

yeah let's have sex but As long we can switch from tomorrow night to tonight. I want to leave at 8 Friday to ski.

Right there the conversation started in her frame. Then you proceeded to negotiate desire. I know it's hard to see the forest for the trees but think of it in those terms.

Any number of answers could have smacked that hamster off it's wheel, for example.

"Silly girl, we can fuck before we leave for skiing, too."

But what you really missed was LMR from her. You went in for the 10 second kiss and she pulled back and was like "Ohhh... let's do it later."

You could have answered, "Let's fuck right now cause I'm not even thinking about an hour from now."

In every one of these, I dismissed her shitty logic and arbitrary rules.

This whole conversation is about her frame. Notice how she tries to make you feel bad about her actions?

HER. BUT I don't want you to be mad

ME. IM not going to be mad

HER but I feel guilty like I broke a promise.

Let me run this through the hamsterlator for you, "I'm going to say no, so you shouldn't even ask. So you should feel bad for making me say no."

Next time the whole situation should go, 10 second kiss, LMR, push, hard no, walk away (or sex). Don't let her dole out the pussy on her schedule.

TheOakenshield · 2016-01-28T12:12:48+00:00

As I'm reading your dialogue with her, it screams to me that she is trying to instigate your dominant side. I don't believe it is her hamster, I believe she wants you to be dominant. I don't know your wife, I don't exactly how the conversation went, I just get this vibe from it that she was trying to spark something inside you to take control. Whether it's a bias in your writing or she really was going for that, only you can know for sure.

It's a complex notion to love your wife, care about her and your marriage but not be so overall concerned that you are lost in it.

It's simple, we make it complicated.

But it won't be because I was a lazy ass.

Good.

The hard thing is mourning the relationship you thought had.

Get over it.

Countpudyoola · 2016-01-28T15:29:48+00:00

IMO Scheduled nookie is perilous and totally not rp.

Not unless you make the schedule that second for that minute.

Sets up something you should be doing spontaneously and freer as a bartering chip, defined chore and currency.

All things to avoid.

I go so far as to not even hint that it's time until it's time. The more setup my wife gets , the more shit tests and lmr she has to think up. It's either do or don't in the hizzy.

And, like the rest have hit on...STFU.

jacktenofhearts · 2016-01-29T03:52:09+00:00

my wife finally agreed to a schedule of sex Sunday and Thursday nights.

HER: [she got the hint] yeah let's have sex but As long we can switch from tomorrow night to tonight. I want to leave at 8 Friday to ski.

The reason why a "sex schedule" even had any appeal to your wife, is that she likely views it as a discrete activity. Notice how she's trying to block out time in her calendar for it. Say you really liked playing a board game like Monopoly or Risk. They're fun, but you have to get the game out, set up the board, pick out pieces, and generally do a whole bunch of 'overhead' before you even start to play. So when someone says, "up for some Risk?" that might sound appealing to you, but also gets compared against the whole raft of other things you may want to do at that particular time. And you can imagine a husband trying to negotiate desire with something like, "c'mon, it'll be quick," he's essentially saying something like, "c'mon, I'll just pick out my armies and you play without an army, the game won't take long then."

This is why you probably want to start blurring the lines between sexual intimacy and actual sexual intercourse. So you both went to the gym, you both got a nice sweat going, and notice how she's down for sex when you get back home. You sweat at the gym... you can also sweat during sex, so there's something to that, right? Gym and sex starts to blur together, and they start to lose association as "discrete activities" to be scheduled around.

Imagine, instead of having sex, you took a shower together. Get nice and soap, help each other wash your private parts, and then... get dressed and go about your day. The idea is for sexual intimacy, and things that have an overlap to sexual intimacy (ie. sweating, showering), to start blurring together. You just have this ebb and flow to sexual intimacy throughout your day, and every so often when the mood strikes you guys, you have sex. It just happens, like waves crashing on a beach. The waves crash in periodic but irregular intervals, and then the tide comes in twice a day and erupts on the sand. The waves don't have to come in every single second. Conversely, the water can be still for a long time, and then a huge tsunami comes and crashes. Because when it comes down to it, what's the difference between a regular wave and a tsunami wave? Just an order of proportion, right? But it's all waves, and it all blurs together as something that happens, as opposed to "playing Risk" and "not playing Risk," which are two very discrete things.

One more thing -- it seems your wife really likes skiing and you don't. Which is unfortunate, because it probably provides a lot of opportunity for that blurring. Coming in from the cold, enjoying a hot drink, feeling the warmth... warmth back in the cabin, warmth during sex, probably some blurring possible there too, right? Now, I'm biased because I love skiing, but I'm not sure if your opposition to skiing is because of the dysfunctional family bullshit you've wrote about before, or that you just think it's dumb and boring. But if you think you'd actually enjoy skiing if you could somehow do it without exposure to your wife's dumbass family, then maybe try and figure out a way to do that (e.g. go 1-3 times every season, rent a cabin for your family, and minimize any/all contact with her family).

Title	[FR] Critique, evaulate
Author	bio9
Upvotes	3
Comments	19
Date	January 27, 2016 10:02 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/42zyx7/fr_critique_evaulate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/fr-critique-evaulate.207699 https://theredarchive.com/post/207699

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