Having a hard time with this reality.

ReddJive · 2017-10-24T17:27:06+00:00

Alright.

First this is a locker room. Most newbies are getting hooked on the language and not the message. Correct not all women cheat. BUT AWALT.

AWALT is a range of behaviors. Assuming you are a beta provider she may not cheat. She may just become a harpy and make fun of you while she goes out and drinks wine with her friends. She could just hit the wall and be satisfied with where she thinks her life is.

Some are like this.

A lot of these things we say are designed to shock you. Wake you up and realize how fragile it all really is. Marriage is not the guarantee you are being sold. She can cheat. She could just leave you. She could just ignore you. It's all there in the range of AWALT behaviors.

Yet she is capable of it all.

The key is to demonstrate that you are alpha. And you are alpha enough to keep what you earned. That you are worthy. That's the key here. A woman won't just jump because OMGosh. You give her reason to (though there are a select few out there....) Learn female behavior. It's all there .

OsmiumZulu · 2017-10-24T18:36:00+00:00

All cars break down. Given the right circumstances, 100% of cars will fail. You, as a driver, mitigate against that with a variety of behaviors:

You do your research and get a good reliable car that suits your needs. You don’t settle for the first beater you find on Craigslist.

Once you have that quality car, you perform ongoing regular maintenance to ensure it continues to function as intended.

You pay attention and exercise safe behaviors while driving. You don’t get behind the wheel drunk or take the car out in dangerous weather beyond what it is designed for.

Doing all of this greatly reduces the odds of random catastrophic failure, but you know that some cars are just defective lemons so you do sensible things to reduce your risks in the event of failure.

You insure. You wear a seatbelt. You keep enough capital on hand to go out and buy a replacement the very same day if it is totaled. All of this and so much more.

Maybe you’ll be fortunate and your car never breaks down and never needs to be replaced. That is both desirable and possible, but we don’t behave as though it is a guarantee.

So yeah. All cars break down, but you still drive them. No one is saying not to drive, just do so responsibly.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-10-25T01:12:57+00:00

“Did any of you have a hard time with this?“

I did. I got here and I thought, WTF?! Why bother being married. After listening to The Rational Male and reading a bunch of posts here I actually thought about divorcing my wife just to avoid the inevitable, again.

Understand, my wife had an affair last year, before my MRP discovery. We have largely worked through the problem, but the trust issue remains a biggie. Marriage counseling, shocker, was a colossal failure.

I see all the things I did wrong, the things I need to do right, and I’m working on them now. I still haven’t decided to stay, or go. I’m going to get through the holidays, and the first week of January I’ll leave if I’m still not ‘feeling it.’

SHE is still responsible for her behavior. She had reasons, but no damned excuse, to cheat. It’s all in my victim puke first post if you want to read it. Too much shit to repost here.

“Anything else I should know?”

This is what I’ve learned in 6 months of MRP.

AWALT: they all have the ability to behave a certain way given a set of circumstances. Kind of like when they say, “All men are pigs.” Will they all cheat? Every single one? If that were true, we probably would have locked them all up a long time ago and just checked them in and out like library books. Oh wait, that’s kinda like the bar scene now, right?

Remember where you are. This sub is 100% about sexual strategy from a deadbedroom. A few of us, like me, use this sub to develop our masculinity because that is The praxeology that fixes most dead bedrooms.

If you went to r/adultery, you’d think EVERYONE was cheating. If you went to r/deadbedrooms, you’d think NOBODY is having sex. If you went to r/divorce you’d think EVERYONE is getting divorced.

So keep this shit in perspective.

This is a few things I’ve learned about RP marriage.

-It requires an Alpha/Beta mix. You hear about AlphaFucks and BetaBucks, someone just recently posted a great missive over at MRP about AlphaBucks. Check it out. I can’t reference it because my opsec keeps me on my phone for Reddit.

-Once you get married, and THIS IS KEY, so pay the fuck ATTENTION;

NOTHING GETS EASIER WHEN YOU GET MARRIED. NOTHING. AND ALMOST NOTHING GETS BETTER.

The sex you might be enjoying now? That’s going to end if you look at marriage as the finish line, slow down, stop trying, and get fat.

The money you enjoy now? The lifestyle you have when you start having kids will remain largely unchanged unless you work so hard you’re useless as a father, and then your kids you wanted so bad are going to be fucked up.

I’m sure some guys do it golden, but I sunk $1,300,000 into two marriages over 21 years and raised 7 kids across 2 families. I rent my house and drive a 17 year old car with 306,000 miles on it. Don’t be....me.

And now my friend, let’s talk about you, because after all, in all of this, YOU ARE the greatest common denominator.

I agree that the ONLY reason to get married is to have children. Do we agree on that? But to what end? Why? And don’t talk to me about legacy. Without looking, can you name four of your Great Grandparents? You have <13% of their genetic material. Why have kids?

Next, you DO sound weak, insecure, low self-esteem, and low self confidence. Yes, AWALT, but you sound as if your special snowflake could get a top tier man and she might be settling for you. Then YES, you have a LOT to be worried about.

You need to learn about hypergamy, AWALT, and how those are mitigated by you being HER BEST OPTION.

Here’s the deal, when you get married, life becomes HARDER. You have to continually improve, be better, remain her best option, get stronger, fitter, date/Game/kino better than you did when you were dating.

It’s not just dating and sex and fun anymore. Now you have to feed it, insure it, clothe it, and put up with shark week, in the fucking water WITH the shark. You don’t get to go home or change the channel. You are IN THE TANK.

This is where I usually launch into my anti-marriage rant and try to talk you out of it. You seem like a nice kid so I won’t do that, this time.

But heed my warning; do not think for one second that any part of your life is going to get easier when you get married. It’s not. If you are not going into this marriage with the idea of working harder on you than you are right now, YOU WILL FAIL.

Read the sidebar, ALL of it.

If you want a good RP marriage, then get to DL5-6 and stay there.

Following is a comment I gave to someone else. Filter the comments that don’t apply to you.

First, watch the movie, The Matrix. I don't give a fuck if you've already seen it 3 times. Watch it right now. 80% of the metaphors here are based on that movie.

Next, as an overview, read this:

https://illimitablemen.com/understanding-the-red-pill/red-pill-constitution/

Before you ever post again anywhere around askMRP or MRP, read this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/

Now, go here; find out which drunk Captain you are and WRITE DOWN the prognosis/reading assignments.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/

Next, go here, read it word for fucking word, twice, and use it as a pacing metric;

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/

Once a week, go here, and read a new article/book.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/wiki/index

Every single time you come to an exercise in your reading, a book, or an article, fucking DO IT.

There is no skipping shit allowed.

You have two primary goals;

Develop your body in the gym.

Develop your mind/frame in the sidebar.

I have posted twice in four months.

I don't expect to see you post for another couple of months unless you have a legitimate fucking question about something you've actually read.

You come in here complaining about her ghosting you on twatfuck while you're out of town and a whole bunch of us will tear you a new asshole.

The mantra is:

LIFT

READ

STFU

LIFT: 3-4 days a week, primary lifts. No fucking talking, no fucking around, BECAUSE YOU HAVE READING TO DO.

READ: aforementioned

STFU: you do not talk about fight club. You do not become an asshole fucking retarded autistic moronic Rambo, go off on the wife, lay down the law, set new boundaries, or other bullshit.

It is business as usual. STFU about your changes. Let them and her acknowledgement of them be natural and organic. You will avoid a lot of shit this way.

EVERYTHING I have just written IS IN the sidebar. I just saved you an hour figuring it out.

Now, welcome to MRP.

We look forward to an awesome FR in MRP in 3 months because this shit is so awesome and you are doing it right.

So...

STFU

and...

Get to fucking work.

Red-Curious · 2017-10-24T20:59:24+00:00

I don't think this situation can be fully understood without delving into the spiritual aspect of things (i.e. more on your mother's religious views), but that would inherently require some talk of "right/wrong" and I'll avoid that here.

Suffice it to say that humans have a base impulse to do certain things. Sometimes it's to eat. Other times it's to drink water. Other times it's to have sex with a random stranger. Other times it's to have sex with your own spouse. One of the things that makes humans unique among virtually all other animals is that we have the ability to deny these base instincts/impulses.

Similar to what /u/ReddJive said, "AWALT" means that the base impulse is there. But again, humans can choose to act against those impulses. Some women are highly self-controlled and will be faithful until death. Others will not be. That self-control can come from religious influences, it can come from fear of consequences, it can come from psychological barriers, or from societal conditioning. Whatever the source, it's there.

The thing is, you never know which woman is the high-self-controlled woman from the one who only pretends to have a lot of self-control. On TRP, most men are trying to get in a girl's pants on the first date or two. As a result, they're finding women with low self-control. It makes sense, then, that they just assume all women will actually cheat because their primary interactions are with women who don't have the self-control to resist cheating.

On MRP you're probably going to find a different narrative. We're around women (our wives) who have probably demonstrated significant self-control over long periods of time. So, although we acknowledge that they have the impulse to cheat, for many of us we have additional security that our wives will exercise self-control against that impulse. That security comes from personal experience and observation with her.

That said, I can also recite example after example after example of women who had the outward experience to the rest of the world of being upright, faithful, self-controlled women - even those who had high positions of status in the church and were faithfully teaching people about the Bible every week ... and some of these women cheat. The point here is that there will always be some doubt about whether a particular woman actually has the requisite self-control to withhold cheating or not, and if so whether or not she will exercise it. Within that gray area, you're going to have to make an assumption.

To that end, it comes down to a matter of utility. Which one is more useful: (a) assuming she might cheat? or (b) assuming she will never cheat on you? If you assume she won't cheat, you're setting yourself up for failure. There are pretty much no benefits to this assumption (or very few/nominal ones), but great risk. In the alternative, assuming that she might be the cheating type encourages you to be a better man, to take caution in the relationship, etc., while it has virtually no negative repercussions. Between the two, it makes more sense to follow the useful assumption over the useless one - even if the assumption ends up being wrong at the end of the day. After all, if you become a better man in order to keep your wife attracted to you to help her exercise that type of self-control to keep her from cheating, even if she wasn't going to cheat in the first place do you really think she's going to be ticked at you for this?

470_2_700_nm · 2017-10-24T17:55:25+00:00

All women will cheat given the right circumstances.

Your job is to arrange those circumstance so that the likelihood of her cheating is low (by building value in yourself), and that if she does it won’t bring you to your knees. You’ll want to be able to not skip a beat moving on. And this in itself is attractive to her.

This is so important to your mental well being. It doesn’t mean all women will cheat, or that you should be a MGTOW. It means don’t be blind mother fucker.

gettingmymojoback · 2017-10-24T17:09:37+00:00

First step is to realize that you can't control the actions of anyone other than yourself. Once you realize that you can start to abandon your insecurities. Why worry about something outside your control?

Worry about the variables that ARE within your control. Worry about yourself, about building the life you want, about vetting any woman you allow into your life for red flags and only allowing those that meet your vision to stay in it. That's it.

Why are you worrying about ifs and buts before you even have someone in your life that is more than a plate?

You're putting the cart before the horse. Go out, have fun, get laid, don't worry about shit that hasn't even happened yet. When that time comes you will be far ahead of those who don't even realize the game for it's true nature.

Read Epictitus and Marcus Aurelius. You need some stoicism.

Sl0wRideTakeItEasy · 2017-10-24T17:26:49+00:00

You're misinterpreting awalt.

Awalt doesn't mean all women will cheat if given an opportunity, it's not that black and white. Awalt means that under the right conditions she will feel an urge to cheat- whether she actually does or not depends on the individual woman and the situation.

If you're a low value man that she's settling for you're at higher risk. If you were once an awesome guy and you've gotten steadily more lazy/complacent/boring you're at a higher risk.

If you're a fun, strong, self-led, successful man who she admires and you stay that way then risks are minimized and you're also comfortable with the idea that if she fucks up she's easily replaced.

RuleZeroDAD · 2017-10-24T18:00:48+00:00

Capability =/= Inevitability

/u/ReddJive is spot on with his level-headed description of AWALT.

TheFamilyAlpha · 2017-10-24T18:04:27+00:00

Marriage is a risk.

It's less of a risk for men who've properly vetted their woman and are RP Aware.

The fact that you're so afraid of her cheating concerns me more than anything else.

If it is your prerogative to get married, do it and remain a man who, if his lady did cheat, would still come out of it alive.

Your girl is a part of your mission, she isn't the end goal of it.

Sepean · 2017-10-25T13:50:24+00:00

No, all of them won't cheat. The only place you got this was from insecure, butthurt nice guys from the main sub.

weakandsensitive · 2017-10-24T18:15:37+00:00

This was one of my favorite things that I've ever written - https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/45v64p/the_trope_of_the_beta_male_married_husband/

nastynickdr · 2017-10-24T22:06:25+00:00

You mean to tell me that even women who have morals and self respect are going to cheat?

No, but they all have the propensity to.

You are giving cheating too much focus. Focus on what you want and what you control. "Im gonna build an awesome life for myself" "Im gonna be the best father I can to my child". Thats valid, it depends only on you. "Im gonna marry, be with her forever and she wont cheat". Oops, thats bad, since it depends on something out of your control: another person.

If you are so obsessed with cheating you still got it wrong. You are putting your happiness on the hands of some other person, and you cant control other people, so you are gonna be frustrated for the rest of your life.

Instead, focus on build an awesome life for you. Be the best you can be. Lift, eat healthy, dont be a doormat, be a confident high value man, have cool hobbies, meet interesting people. Grow better profissionally, do courses on your area, talk to potent employers, start your business, invest your money. Set goals and objectives. Be the best father you can for your kid. All of this depends only on you and not on another person. Your wife will be pleased to join you on your ride. All of that, assuming your wife isnt a delusional entitled slut, will decrease the chance of your wife cheating on you, because she will be shit scared of losing the commitment of such a high value man.

And then, what if she cheats? Would it make any difference for you if after lets say 10 years of marriage your wife told you: "Hey, im in love with this guy named Chad. Nothing happened yet, but im gonna divorce you so I can be with him" or if she cheated on you? The outcome would still be the same, branch swing or cheat. Then, if during the years you were together you were putting in the work, you should be able to replace her for better/hotter/younger/higher quality women in a flash, and if you got kids you can still be the best parent you can and give them the example of what a high value man is.

Enjoy your turn while it lasts, dont expect it to last forever. Focus on what you can control.

screechhater · 2017-10-24T21:34:16+00:00

There is no reason you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Be true to yourself, and enjoy your life, and the companion, but just because you get married, doesn't mean you are no longer sexual, just because she made the comment, "I don't need sex everyday, you know ?"

Do yourself a huge favor and read this, and look closely @ the author's narrative of going to shit and then realizing it was him, and due to the fact he had goals, he built himself back up for his objective, and finally , rallies himself for "his" life, in a pool full of French chicks. note his wardrobe selection for delivering his presentation and his comment of the audiences attire.....

So, I ask you, is your head swimming from information overload, or refusal to actually digest the material in a mature, resolute, manner that is to extract, embrace and use it to your benefit ?

supermanwhore · 2017-10-25T12:52:17+00:00

Stop thinking.

But all this stuff had my mind fucked up.

you need 50 braincells to lift. How is that going?

Title	Having a hard time with this reality.
Author	supermanwhore
Upvotes	5
Comments	48
Date	October 24, 2017 4:47 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/78h0w9/having_a_hard_time_with_this_reality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/having-a-hard-time-with-this-reality.205242 https://theredarchive.com/post/205242

Comments