Initiating feedback, please

jacktenofhearts · 2016-04-09T10:44:51+00:00

It doesn't work both ways, man.

You hold contempt for your wife and claim she adds zero to your life.

But then you say you want to fuck her brains out. Her brains.

So if my wife stopped adding any value to my life, I wouldn't want to fuck her. I'd be pretty repulsed, actually. I'd definitely detach, stop adding value to her life. Presumably on a long enough timeline we'd get divorced. But why not? In this scenario, we were just acting like two people who didn't give a fuck about each other anyway.

This is your problem. You have this lust for a woman you claim is worthless. You realize you cclearly have some broken mental models here. If she's really worthless in your life, why do you want to fuck her so badly? Say she was still worthless, but let you use her vagina as a receptacle for your penis every so often. This is OK? This makes is a 'good marriage' now? This is the kind of relationship you want to model for your child?

The other possible situation is your wife isn't worthless, your just butt hurt that your eight weeks of lifting hasn't immediately translated into your wife fucking you like a porn star. Your wife is likely unresponsive to your touch because of however many countless whiny entitled beta advances you made on her in the past. And I understand this seems unfair. Maybe you deserved those associations - your pathetic advances triggering her into thinking oh goddammit I really don't want to have to fuck this guy again - in the past, but isn't she going to have to get over it at some point? Unless she adjusts her mindset about this, does she really just think you're content with a celibate marriage until you die?

That's my point. Whatever the situation, everything you described should result in more detachment for your wife, not more. Either she's worthless, and you should detach from worthless people. Or she's not, but she's not fucking you because of preconceived notions. But again, detaching will blur those associations.Out of sight, out of mind, and maybe when you pop back on her mind there's a clean dslate there.

Or not. Then you keep detaching until divorce anyway.

Look, i can tell you're a fucked up ball of emotions about this. You have trouble seeing things so binary because you just want the ideal outcome so desperately. But your desperation is just making is more likely you'll never sniff that ideal outcome. Even worse, you're trying to fence off that desperation with ego, trying to rationalize that she's worthless to your life. But this is really just doubling down on your retardedness.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-04-08T15:43:01+00:00

I've been asking myself the question: what value does she add, and other than child care for my son, I'm coming up with a big goose egg.

Replace SHE with I, answer that, and you'll probably have all the tips you need. Her value in this case is obvious, you want to fuck her.

Or do you just want to fuck? It's a really good time to discover what you really want, and not what you think you want

bornredd · 2016-04-08T18:25:43+00:00

Dude, I have sex with my wife 2+ times a day, EVERY DAY.

I initiate at least 10 times a day.

I bat .200

If I'm batting .200, and my life is going great, your rate is going to be low as fuck.

About a year ago (right before I found TRP/MRP), she told me she felt like all I wanted was sex. So I sat her down and said, "Look, initiating is me letting you know that I'm ready to go. If you're not ready, that's fine, but give me a sign about how not ready you are - are we talking you'll want to when the kids go to bed, or tomorrow, or next week? Because I have other shit to do, and I don't want to bark up a tree that's bearing no fruit right now."

So yeah, I'm horny all the time. But so is she. She thought saying no was offensive, but it's really about availability in our relationship.

platinumintherough · 2016-04-09T17:16:23+00:00

Some of the suggestions on here are good, but you need to keep in mind that a divorce might be inevitable. With divorce comes division of assets, alimony, child support, custody, battles, visitation rights, etc. Knowing how much courts favor women, especially when it comes to custody, you need to be sure that nothing you do can come back on you if your marriage does indeed end in divorce. If you bring a girlfriend home, that could be seen as emotional abuse, and it might make you seem responsible for the whole divorce (meaning she might win more of the assets.) If you put pressure on her for sex or you ignore her hamstering and keep pushing till she says yes, that could easily be twisted into a rape charge in court. For your own good, if you're worried about divorce, don't give her anything that she could use to insinuate sexual or emotional abuse in court, because then not only will you not have access to your kids, but you could end up facing criminal charges. Remember that courts favor women and your marriage is at a point where you might just have to go to court. Don't give her or the betas in the courtroom anything they can twist into bullshit accusations that could cost you your assets, your kids, or your freedom.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-04-08T14:36:32+00:00

Google "kino escalation ladder"
Watch less "The Walking Dead"

ReddJive · 2016-04-08T15:35:02+00:00

As I struggle with this a bit I can only add that the kino and other tools are build up.

When you initiate you flat make it know what you want. If she pulls away, gives you the without a doubt no the. You move on.

Considering kino, small pieces of affection as initiating is wrong. She's likely sitting there either cringing or wondering if your going to be a man and take her.

The problem I have is doing the little things like kino in the broken up 2 hours a day I get to see my wife when she works. But over time I've come to see it as a build up. It may not be today's touch but the touching i did every day since will have her remembering and longing.

She's starting to respond to me touching her hips lightly as I walk by. Or grind against when I push into her.

For women it's all about feeling.

screechhater · 2016-04-09T00:22:25+00:00

"Any tips on how to initiate, if at all, in this kind of situation?"

You already know how to do this. The problem is you have let yourself fail her "Shit Tests" and there for you are beat into submission and fear of rejection

Your course of action for the direct question is:

1- Knock her off the pedastal in your mind. It is not a "Magic Vagina"

2- Lighten up and laugh at her. You know when she is about to do something stupid and you catch her @ it ? Get this frame of mind 24/7. Lighten up and laugh life is good Make sure and show it. (Stop letting her see you wanting sex).

3- Ramp up her mind early in the day. Do not telll her "I want you" at the last minute Show her as others have mentioned. Start early in the day and tell her that she looks nice or that she is sexy. The number one way that is the easiest is a long hug or snuggling in bed in the morning. during the day- the 10 second kisses are also part of the game.

Nuke this thought -- "So things are pretty rocky with my wife. Some days are better than others." Because in reality, it is controlling you.

Olderpiller · 2016-04-08T14:35:19+00:00

Can you explain why anyone would want to fuck you? Are you lifting have you read the sidebar. Or a re you a fat looser begging for sex?

il-est-ressuscite · 2016-04-08T17:10:07+00:00

No value other than child care? Why bother then?

massimoliani · 2016-04-08T14:35:19+00:00

Take her hand, direct her to the bedroom. Strip, go nuts.

You'll likely meet up with resistance, it's up to you to get through it. Just ignore a lot of what she says and STFU, keep doing what you're doing. Stripping her, directing her. There's a lot you can say, but if you're not confident with your words, just go with STFU and only say the bare minimum.

You can be direct, you can let your desire to fuck her brains out show. The longer you keep kissing her neck like Antonio Banderas, the longer your balls will resemble Jack Black. Your life isn't a romantic movie.

And if you get shutdown, fuck it. You tried. You'll try again. Come back when you succeed. And if you do get shut down, do NOT get sucked into an argument. If she even tries (What the hell, why are you doing this? Etc etc) do not DEER. Grab a book and go read in your car, go jogging, whatever. Don't. GET. SUCKED. IN!

Title	Initiating feedback, please
Author	-TheCaptain
Upvotes	1
Comments	71
Date	April 8, 2016 2:26 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4dwm3n/initiating_feedback_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/initiating-feedback-please.207525 https://theredarchive.com/post/207525

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