Parking tickets need validation

DanceMonkeeDance · 2018-07-27T14:23:53+00:00

The rabbit hole goes deep. After your original puke(s), the best way to keep from going full Rambo and minimize the anger phase is to focus solely on the holy trinity: lift, sidebar, STFU. Get out of your own head.

UEMcGill · 2018-07-27T14:29:09+00:00

Take all information as only that. It has no negative or positive value.

Given what you know about yesterday, make today just a little bit better. Didn't make your bed? Make your bed. Made it for 3 days in a row? Now try for 4. Your course is a battleship, not a speedboat. You are adding valuable momentum every time you add a little too it.

FixYourselfFirst · 2018-07-27T14:38:58+00:00

I'm guessing that if she's looking for a financial leader she's looking for a leader in all aspects and overtly telling me so?

Yes, she wants you to be a leader.

WolfofAllStreetz · 2018-07-27T16:06:34+00:00

Sex is not a reward based system.

Wait, are you not married and having these sort of issues?

Crush the gym, maybe then she will crush you.

helaughsinhidden · 2018-07-27T14:42:40+00:00

How far off is the wedding?

RandomlyChosenTitle · 2018-07-27T17:34:33+00:00

".... it's like having a captain and I need/like guidelines/framework to keep me on course" when it came to setting up our budget. I'm guessing that if she's looking for a financial leader she's looking for a leader in all aspects and overtly telling me so?

This is one of the things I consider a milestone. That point when you finally realize that she's been giving you the answer all along.

Rian_Stone · 2018-07-27T14:41:51+00:00

/u/The_Litz posting history should be required reading. 0 fluff, all work. Man is still my favourite MAP in all Red Pill

mtwinemn · 2018-07-27T14:44:51+00:00

Shit tests rain down but I’m taking her words that it’s not a lost cause and she’s AWALT. Looking for a leader. The ship is changing course and the lead will be tested

simbarlion · 2018-07-27T22:10:24+00:00

Kudos for having your self assessment on point.

BobbyPeru · 2018-07-28T01:02:08+00:00

I had a ~~rambo~~ beta moment when we were out of state for a weekend wedding and thinking I deserved sex.

Work on Expedia yourself. You’re in way too much of a hurry. Give yourself 1 1/2 - 2 years before you see some great progress

RedPillCoach · 2018-07-28T01:09:10+00:00

overtly telling me so

Yes, when a woman resorts to overt communication she is out of ideas. This is a woman who is really trying to make it work.

The Captain and First Officer Relationship: the Frame of Marriage

The Drunk Captain:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nk0oSyLdDLI&list=PL1lJ9Z9nTem5Sj-5RROEKgBX-w1WR4Bam&index=12

Reject444 · 2018-08-02T20:22:43+00:00

I'm late to the party on this one but I've been struggling with these same issues a lot and wanted to try to contribute. I recently realized that I'm still carrying around a lot of covert contracts and validation-seeking when it comes to sex with my wife; I'll share what I've been doing to try to reframe things and get over these useless attitudes. I can't promise it's effective since I just started thinking about it this way about a week ago, but it has at least given me some plan to approach this rather than just hoping it somehow magically gets better.

You wrote:

I realized getting sex is completely validation seeking and still under some covert contracts. I had a rambo moment when we were out of state for a weekend wedding and thinking I deserved sex. WRONG. I see that I need to do fun shit regardless and not worry about it leading to sex. I still deposit into the piggy bank....4 fun activities equals 1 sex...WRONG. I'm having fun but in the back of my mind I have expectations and trying to validate that if I'm having fun, she's having fun, and that means I deserve sex.

So you know how the MRP idea is that I, as a man, create an awesome life that is full of fun and awesome stuff? And then I just invite the woman along to join me on that awesome stuff if she wants to? (This in contrast to consulting her on everything or, worse, making her plan what the family or couple does every weekend). Sex should be just another one of those awesome activities that we invite her along to! The attitude should be "I'm going to have some sex now--you should join me!" Her coming along or not (pun intended) is no less validating or important than whether she comes hiking with us or whatever other activities we're doing. It's just another thing that we're going to do and it's her choice whether she wants to participate or not.

I think that working to internalize this mindset is helping me to avoid the "4 fun activities equals 1 sex" type of thinking, and is helping me get around validation issues because sex isn't something that she "gives" me; it's just another something fun I'm doing for me and she can either have fun with it too or stay bored. And I'm leading as the Captain rather than placating her other desires while secretly hoping she'll finally initiate sex for once. I'm taking that power away from her.

I've still got a long way to go and a lot of work to do, both in general and in perfecting this way of thinking about sex, but this has made sense to me over the past few days and has helped me alter my perspective (and hopefully start to shift the power balance in my relationship) around sex. I hope it's helpful to you, OP, or maybe somebody else also struggling to kill these covert contracts and stop seeking validation through our wives' pussies.

jimmy_thetulip · 2018-07-27T14:33:26+00:00

umm... ok?

cheat code style: is it going to be an AA? or and AM? Fog or Negative Assert?

There are no shortcuts. Do the fucking hard work and this will come naturally with time.

Title	Parking tickets need validation
Author	mtwinemn
Upvotes	3
Comments	23
Date	July 27, 2018 2:08 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/92ctqm/parking_tickets_need_validation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/parking-tickets-need-validation.204157 https://theredarchive.com/post/204157

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