Context: Went way too fast on my MAP, after 3 months I was all over the place, starting with an autistic implementation that removed all comfort ("red pill rambo"), followed by exercising all the time, spending $$$ on wardrobe, going out with friends, working on the house. She flipped out and hates the "new" me. (The old me was headed for death or insanity, possibly violence. I am amazed she can’t see that.)

As for following my MAP, yes, I lift heavy 3x week and read the core material. I'm thinking of re-reading NMMNG next (found it hard to get into the exercises) and probably the way of men by donovan.

On with the show ...

Okay, the mantra of RP is acta, non verba.

Verba gets us in trouble. We end up DEERing (to defend ourselves), which doesn’t work, or apologizing/supplicating, or lashing out in anger, which means losing control. All of which make us lose.

I’m really wanting to say some stone cold statements that are open to conflict, then move on quickly. A few examples:

"You do know how hard you are to live with, right?"

"Talking about my faults is fair game, but are we ever going to address yours? I mean in any meaningful way?"

"Have you ever given serious thought to how you’ve treated me over the years? Do you have anything to say about that?"

Data point: ~3 months ago, as a response to one barrage of shit tests, during which my wife actually sounded insane, I said “Do you even listen to yourself?” calmly. It did not have the desired effect - if memory serves she was a little thrown off and went back to shit tests in ~10 minutes.

However, I wouldn’t be saying it for her.

I would be saying it for the personal satisfaction of saying it myself. No covert contract. No expectation of change. Just seriously WTF check yourself.

I don’t see this as a DLV, maybe at worst it is a removal of comfort, which, right now, might be very bad for me.

What are your thoughts on direct conflict with the spouse?