Self preservation

FireTempered · 2018-04-16T14:39:17+00:00

She is defining you. She is defining the relationship. You have to start defining yourself (OI) and defining what you want in a relationship.

Once you define yourself and what you want in the relationship, you can start building your frame that is not affected by her emotional state(s). What she believes (at this moment) will become irrelevant to you because you know who you are.

All of the above is much easier said than done. It takes time and work. You are still too invested in what she thinks now, but the good news you recognize that what you are doing won't work.

To answer your insightful question:

Am i just a fag with no frame!?

Yes -- but you have more frame than your first post.

resolutions316 · 2018-04-16T14:58:31+00:00

Are you essentially running dread, then ignoring her until you want to fuck?

Remember the whole “game your wife” thing? That part about how women love fun and want to have a fun, carefree life (not that that’s the entirety of their being, but that - along with being with a high value man - IS what gets them to open up).

Here’s a thing about frame that I think is often overlooked: your frame is most often shattered by people pointing out shit you believe of know to be true.

So - what in what she said shook you? Start there.

InChargeMan · 2018-04-16T15:11:13+00:00

RP for a year/two

Nope. But the good news is, today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Keep in mind that resistance comes with progress. You have a lot of improvements to make in yourself, but in general most of this is a shit test. This is you getting out of the box she wants you in and her trying to shove you back in. Consider yourself a one-way valve. When she is pushing back hard you just stay firm. Eventually what's new will feel old and familiar. Then you are free to continue improving to reach your life goals.

Read up on how a wife of a beta has the feelz of a rape victim.

RedPillCoach · 2018-04-16T22:55:17+00:00

She has been seeing a counselor. Essentially she thinks she is depressed. The counselor has helped her realize that she does everything for self preservation. She was abused when she was 10

You might have started with that.

Is the self preservation keeping her from acting like all other women

No, she is behaving exactly like a woman with a man who she is not attracted to right now.

I could see where she may have felt used having sex before i left on travel.

I think there is plenty of hamster in this relationship. Hers is running around in circles and yours is running back and forth.

Not good!

She basically said when I didn't answer the phone while on travel she thinks the worst.

The hamster is active but the goal is to keep it busy, not run it ragged until it falls over dead. A return call is not difficult and if you are already away on business some of the time you probably already have enough built in Dread.

No more cuddling, ass slaps, etc. Just kinda do my own thing. She will then initiate because she is tired of not getting attention and the cycle starts over.

I have seen this "Cycle of Dread Game" many times. Dread Game is, in many ways, a pretty stupid game and you know what they say- play stupid games, win stupid prizes. It is a very necessary game but from a logic standpoint, it is pretty stupid.

The way out of the cycle of Dread is leadership and passing comfort tests. You have to sometimes take her by the hand and lead her to the place you want her to be. You have to be able to take her in your arms when she is whining and complaining about you and give her a long hug and say: "Don't worry, I have got this and it is going to be fine."

So Dread Game is great. It turns women on beyond any doubt. But you can't go to far in your Dread Game with a wife or LTR or many women will give up.

Think about your history. First she thought you were "Alpha." Then you became Beta by marriage. Then you found the Red Pill and decided you were "Alpha" again. Then you went "Rambo" and started issuing orders and making demands. Now she sees a Beta Husband trying to "act" Alpha and thinks these changes are just a phase that she can wait out.

Why not lead her to a place where she appreciates the changes and looks forward to spending time with you?

If you are to the point where you are almost (or actually) saying things like: "You will submit to me with joy, woman or I will find a younger, prettier model who will submit"

Then guess what? You are doing it wrong and you probably have to dial back your "Dread Game."

If the goal is to get laid like a toilet seat with many different women then by all means, play Dread Games and melt her mind. Be the 100% Alpha DNGAF dude, aloof, jerkboy, and the girls will bang you like the fuckboi you are.

If the goal is to be a husband with a wife who eagerly puts out then Dread Game still works, for a while, but you have to also provide comfort and all that Blue Pill stuff they claim to want but which actually turns them off.

You need to be the "Oak" or "The Family Alpha" not a PUA Alpha if you want to stay married. Even if your aloof Dread Game turns her on, she will resent it and eventually turn herself off through force of conscious will if she sees that your changes are not going to benefit her.

You were her nice compliant Beta and you took that away. Now you are the Dread Gaming aloof Alpha who ignores her until she puts out. What is in it for her besides a good dicking every couple of weeks?

ReddJive · 2018-04-16T14:36:56+00:00

RP for a year/two

You're lying to yourself if this what you think. You may have acknowledged a lot of things but you've done no real improvement.

Look. Every one of you reading this the things this faggot talks about are easily researched and read. Other men have been in this EXACT and I mean EXACT position. Thing is OP is a year in and his Red Pill ego has caused her to react.

She will be 6 months or more behind. OP would know this if he had actually read somethings. So this is part comfort test, part bullshit. He may have some frame going on but without hearing more about him all I can figure is that he's playing parallel to her. Just like 3 year olds do. Then he plays hide the salami with her. then goes back and plays.

Some of this is her realizing he has frame and isn't being controlled by sex, BUT the fact she isn't giving it up to keep her man around means she isn't really attracted to him. Ergo...he isn't doing a damn thing to really improve himself.

TLDR?

Am i just a fag with no frame!?

Yes.

RuleZeroDAD · 2018-04-16T14:44:55+00:00

You seem to be all dread and no comfort.

I would place you in the "Clueless Rambo" category.

This whole post is about her, and what she's feeling, but doesn't give any information about what you are doing, beyond work travel and getting fat off ice cream with your daughter.

It sounds like your wife is owning her shit by trying to find a root cause for her issues. Are you? Do you know the differences between the various fitness tests?

Based on this:

From my perspective...We will have sex.

I doubt it very much. The attitude should be "I will have sex." She has little or nothing to do with that. At first glance, I see an unattractive man wondering whether he should be mad at a wife with a history of abuse. Sticking your dick in her hand in the shower might need to be re-calibrated until she is the one enthusiastically grabbing for it.

alpha-zach · 2018-04-16T16:39:47+00:00

I’ve been through EXACTLY your situation.

I was you about a year ago. Did everything wrong and am now divorced. My kids are miserable. I’m over her as a person, but never wanted to hurt the kids and family.

You are on the road to divorce. What other commenters said holds significant value.

You’ve taken the pill. Yes. But you aren’t getting the most critical parts because becoming an expert takes time.

To translate, you are running good game tactics, (but bad game) You’ve been a beta in her eyes for so long especially in the sex that she doesn’t know what’s happening.

DO NOT TELL HER ABOUT RED PILL.

Her understanding of you is as a low value man that she can at least control to give the rest of her life a small amount of meaning.

An analogy, say you know someone who has little money and income, but you see them out one night spending a lot of money on girls, drinks, friends. You’d know he can’t sustain and is driving himself into a major financial crisis. But the people around him are deceived into believing that he’s rich because he’s a big spender. You’d be disgusted.

That’s how she sees you.

Back to the analogy, if the low income man didn’t spend much, you’d think ‘that’s cool.’ He knows his limits and stays in his lane. If he spent this much but had high income again that’s cool. He stays in his lane. But it’s when the two don’t match that people are disgusted by him.

You don’t match. Not yet. You have to increase your value so that you match your game. In the way of game you are all push and no pull. Google push/pull red pill.

BACK OFF. Give her space. Don’t go cold or stand offish. Just be polite and let her process. In that time, work ONLY on you. Muscles, money, hobbies. Be interesting. Take her out. Not as a beta in order to get sex, but to show high value. She needs to see you getting IOI’s from other women. Let her see the new you, process, and become attracted(pull) and happy. Then you can run some push game.

I know you because I was you. If you don’t stop with gaming tactics, the therapist is going to help her hamster her way into divorce. He’s going to talk her through her feelings and only gonna get a one sided negative perspective of you. The hamster will rationalize a way to say you are emotionally abusing her. You have to give her a reason not to be interested in therapy. That needs to be because you are high value.

ALL PULL. ALL PULL. ALL PULL.

justpickanyusername · 2018-04-16T17:44:41+00:00

Backdrop: RP for a year/two. Sex once a week or less - never more.

That does not compute

BirdManBrrrr · 2018-04-16T18:17:44+00:00

She was abused when she was 10 and didn't believe she had a voice. No one would listen to her, so now she is overly opinionated in the name of self preservation.

Depending on the severity of the abuse she may have some deep rooted damage done that will make your situation a bit more tricky than most. Comfort is essential here.

On the 'i feel used' comment, I'm fucking raging inside.... I want to be in a mutual loving relationship. WTF!?!

I guess the reality is she still sees it as butt hurt.

You answered your own question.

She sees you as butthurt because you are. You sound like some combination of not fun and overly algorithmic rambo who goes ice cold when she says no. The only question in her head is "why is he being mean to me?"

We will have sex. A day or two later I'll initiate again, usually a no. I'll try another time or two then basically start withdrawing my attention. No more cuddling, ass slaps, etc. Just kinda do my own thing. She will then initiate because she is tired of not getting attention and the cycle starts over.

If you're cutting off the comfort, you're clearly not gaming her, and especially not gaming her with any measure of outcome independence. You've created a feedback loop of comfort totally dependent on sex, hence her feeling used.

Am i just a fag with no frame!?

If you've been here for a year or two you should be able to answer this question for yourself.

1d2f3g · 2018-04-17T08:35:10+00:00

Interesting because I feel similar. I also get into this negative dread loops and the she sees me butthurt

223552 · 2018-04-17T09:07:20+00:00

You got in ahead of me, and pretty much posted my situation, so thank you. I am around 15 months in, and about 6 months ago, it started to feel like the rope was slowly pulling. Wife was following my lead a lot more, sex frequency was still about 1/week but quality was improving, general mood at home was grad improving. I stayed my course, continued working on me.

Past 1-2 months, wheels have completely fell off. I am still staying my course, keep working on me, OMS, house/kids etc. Wife is depressed, has withdrawn, become angry, sex dried up, or starfish, keeps pushing me away (not physically, but mentally/emotionally). I have to admit, I cracked in the past 2-3 weeks: lost frame, 1 victim puke (not as bad as they used to be, but still....), got butt hurt a few times ( i thought I was over sex rejections... but after a few too many it still there) have little patience for that behavior so a lot less kino/interaction, still get her out and organize stuff but she is being dead weight... I managed to get her to see a psychologist for depression, she definitely has one.

So the whole thing could just be next level shit/comfort test... Depression is still a serious condition, and needs to be treated properly. But I do wonder, how much of it is linked to having a beta husband....

quentinthequibbler · 2018-04-16T14:37:52+00:00

Last line says it all.

Also you might be a shitty lover.

Quit your raped- weirdo-crowded-subway-perv-shit

Title	Self preservation
Author	juggle4balls
Upvotes	3
Comments	36
Date	April 16, 2018 2:28 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8cnwpf/self_preservation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/self-preservation.204614 https://theredarchive.com/post/204614

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