Swallowed the pill a while back, need some advice

BobbyPeru · 2016-12-08T00:35:52+00:00

It's shit like this that confirms if my wife ever cheated on me it would be immediately over. I know I would never be able to get past it.

You do what you have to do, but I've already told you what I'd do.

postscript1114 · 2016-12-08T01:13:54+00:00

I made the similar mistake of sticking around for a while as well after she cheated. I then found this place and began working on myself. Though it took longer than it should have, I realized an eventual better me is nothing she deserves. She no longer adds any value to my life. The question you need to ask yourself. Does she add value to your life?

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-12-08T07:36:32+00:00

Phase 1: Anger
Phase 2: Denial
Phase 3: Negotiation
Phase 4: Depression <----- You are here
Phase 5: Acceptance.

mabden · 2016-12-08T11:27:39+00:00

it was my fault

Whatever problems there were in the marriage and whatever contribution you had towards those problems; does not, never will, justify your wife's decision to fuck some other guy.

Wife was very remorseful

Check out The Chump lady - Real vs Imitation Remorse for what true remorse looks like and see if your wife's behavior matches up.

I don't feel like she deserves it now

She doesn't. Instead of either, working out any problems she had with the marriage or ending the marriage, she betrayed you.

what would you do in my spot

File for divorce, follow through, and if you really want to have a relationship with her, then fuck her on the side as you would any other chick. Oh, and never remarry.

cholomite · 2016-12-07T23:28:50+00:00

You gotta figure this shit out for yourself man. Take some responsibility for yourself and your life. On the one hand, she's a cheating whore and you should have dumped her the second you found out. On the other hand, AWALT and whatever girl you find next probably would have cheated on your beta ass too. It's a tough spot to be in, but if nothing else, it opened your eyes and made you into the better man you are today.

J_Incognito · 2016-12-08T14:32:09+00:00

I heard this once... you'll never love someone as much as you love your first love. This doesn't mean that every dude's first GF is his soulmate (those don't exist), but it means that you'll never give yourself over so entirely as you did w/ the first love. First love is complete and vulnerable. Everyone inevitably gets hurt and learns never to go full retard ever again.

OP, you will never think of your wife the same as you did pre-cheating ever again. However, AWALT and the next woman will not be any different. It's tough to swallow, but always keep one foot out the door. If she adds value to your life, keep her. But, it sounds like you've internalized that you are the prize and, if her presence is a constant reminder of disrespect and hurt, then move on - just don't expect to find a unicorn.

ReddJive · 2016-12-08T14:13:31+00:00

There's a lot of equivocating here.

Might want to work on that.

weakandsensitive · 2016-12-08T06:53:01+00:00

i sure as shit wouldn't be the faggot asking internet on the strangers on what to do with my life.

your wife did exactly what she was going to do. why be mad at her? that's pretty dumb. you should focus more on hating yourself for being the way you are and continually deferring responsibility and ownership, which you're continuing to do in this very post.

want to get rid of her? do it. don't want to get rid of her? don't do it. but it's stupid to think that she's the one to hate when you were the total loser.

screechhater · 2016-12-08T00:48:27+00:00

"Our relationship has been good, but I think it's because I don't want to be in it"

I hope you scrawl this in the backside of your eyelids

Actually you hate the weak fucker in the mirror and you are using her as the scapegoat remember that

next......

Do you lift ?

470_2_700_nm · 2016-12-08T12:56:40+00:00

Only you can steer this ship or direct where this ship should be steered. This sub has shown you the way to do this, as well as navigate waterways in it, and also how to care for it.

You take it where it needs to go like a boss, wherever that may be. Why the fuck would you ask the internet what to do at this point?

Maybe you are still holding on to the blue pill.

fakefalse · 2016-12-08T15:47:15+00:00

Texting sucks, 'cause you lose tone and context in the words. In this case, your words are loud and clear. You are not happy. You are trying to get others to help you take a direction you have been unable to take so far. Maybe you seek permission? I dunno. But you don't feel good inside.

Your soul is bleeding out, everyday that you are with her. Is it easier to just keep things as they are? Do you need to do like women and find a branch to swing to before leaving her? It's hard to go solo, but it would be a great exercise in building autonomy. So you won't be stuck in this purgatory with the next woman.

This is not an asshole question. I have to ask. Is it fun to fuck her? Fulfilling and wholedome, like turkey dinner with the whole family on Thanksgiving? Or is there disgust, like too much McDonald's fast food where Chad has already taken a bite outta your bigmac? Maybe something in between?

Good luck brother. I wish you the best.

Trptruman · 2016-12-08T15:48:10+00:00

So, I guess I'm asking what would you do in my spot? Maybe I'm asking for you to tell me what I already know... Maybe I don't know it still. Maybe I'm still holding onto the blue pill...

What do you want? Do you want to stay with her? Do you want to divorce her? Do you want to make your life with your wife better; or do you want to find someone else and start over?

Start with that.

Trptruman · 2016-12-08T15:48:30+00:00

I found TRP a couple years ago after my wife cheated on me.

How did you find out she cheated?

Chump_No_More · 2016-12-08T16:12:51+00:00

Brother, what you're feeling is very predictable. In fact, I wrote about it roughly 3 months ago... Lurking Cuckolds Welcome

You've reached that critical threshold where you've acknowledged and internalized your value and now have the presence of mind to ask the hard question, "what am I getting out of this and is it worth the cost?"

At the end of the day, any relationship can simply be quantified by Value vs Drama.

This is only a question you can answer but, as a man who has navigated that part of his journey, I can tell you unequivocally that as long as you walk your path with abundance and courage in your heart, you will do fine.

I will leave you with Teddy Roosevelt's 'Man in the Arena' speech...

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

lulalady · 2016-12-08T00:20:02+00:00

Just leave your wife if you still hate her after all this time.

Trptruman · 2016-12-08T02:40:14+00:00

I'd stick around if she added enough value. But cheating doesn't bother me. If she crossed that line I'd bang college chicks and figure out a way to co parent. Some guys can't get past cheating and that's ok. Did you get any therapy to help you process the infidelity?

ex_addict_bro · 2016-12-08T06:37:19+00:00

Divorce.

2ndal · 2016-12-07T23:24:50+00:00

What would I do in your spot? I would stop being a little bitch and start thinking for myself and not asking strangers on the Internet to run my life for me.

Title	Swallowed the pill a while back, need some advice
Author	Trptruman
Upvotes	8
Comments	89
Date	December 7, 2016 11:00 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5h3820/swallowed_the_pill_a_while_back_need_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/swallowed-the-pill-a-while-back-need-some-advice.206804 https://theredarchive.com/post/206804

Comments