46 year old, married 8.5 years, together 12. 2 kids.

I have been in a low sex marriage for a while, which I am working on. I have always tried to be in shape, but got serious about it 3 years ago, starting seriously lifting. Even before reading the sidebar, I was trying things to improve the frequency of sex. My wife seems to enjoy it when it happens, but it always seems like there is a set back.

Here's the pattern from my perspective: things are getting better, we're getting along, I'm initiating and she's responsive. Then I attempt to push something a little further. Nothing crazy. For example, several months ago, I asked if we could talk about a different form of birth control (we use condoms) such as cycle tracking.

Then a topically unrelated drama that I respond poorly to (I'm getting better at this), she says she feels "unsupported," I take the pedal off the gas on whatever. Sex decreases in frequency temporarily and then we get back to status quo...sometimes with a slight improvement.

For example, the following month, we went away and she was at a point in her cycle where we tried unprotected sex...but then that became the issues as she spent the rest of her cycle anxious that she was pregnant, which somehow got conflated in her head with actually being pregnant and took birth control discussions off the table (until I bring it up again).

Then I introduce a new possibility and the pattern resumes.

An alternative (maybe better way) of interpreting: we start having sex regularly, I get thirsty, lose frame, start buying her underwear, she finds this unattractive and shit tests me. I fail. We stay in the holding pattern...