This shit is hard..

prarrott · 2017-06-04T21:12:28+00:00

Lift and diet properly. Get your physical life in order, it is the prelude to being able to accomplish the mental and emotional aspects, and it will give you an outlet as you reorder yourself mentally and emotionally.
Be above reproach around the house. Take care of your shit, clean up after yourself, give her (and yourself) nothing to complain about.
STFU. By that I mean, no negative comments, no complaining, no excuses, no arguing. You will be positive to the very extent possible. If you dont like something she has to say or does, ignore it, or state your opinion or perform your action without apology. And dont do it to convince her of your position (arguing). Just try to blend in without being pushed over. Be warm and likeable. You're trying to build a foundation of positive interaction. She has to like you again (if she can - ultimately her choice) before she'll want to follow you.

Master those things, while reading through the sidebar, and come back in a few weeks/months and we'll go from there.

You see, when you want a woman to change her position (in your case, fitness) in the war of marriage --- you need to flank her. The direct attack rately works against a fortified position. You came at her direct and she fought you. The flank approach would have been to lead -- get yourself in shape, lead the grocery discussion towards healthier oprions, show her how to do it with your own commitment. Then when she shows interest, playfully encouage it, and step up to provide the logistical needs for her to engage any new fitness goals.

Sl0wRideTakeItEasy · 2017-06-05T01:30:11+00:00

She, she, she.

Skimming your post that's all I see. You're in MRP, not fix my marriage. Read the sidebar, do the work, and she will come around. Or she won't. Either way it won't matter because you've done the work and are now a valuable man with options.

ex_addict_bro · 2017-06-05T20:56:28+00:00

First of all i would like to excuse my errors(english is not my native language).

Well, well, well, we haven't even started berating you and you DEER already.

What's DEER? Defend, Excuse, Explain, Rationalize.

Stop saying sorry.

When we fell in love all was well. We did a lot of stuff we hardly ever argued. But since the moment we got married. It kinda went downhill(ups and downs but it seems like all i can remember are the downs). We have a lovely daughter of 2 y/o.

There's no "we". Neither in your real life, nor on this subreddit, not even at TRP. There never was.

So i straight up told her i wasnt a man enough to tell her that in our first year.

Yeah, man! Like that will show her! Stand up and tell her how it is!

Even tho she lost a lot of weight and im superproud.. she wont believe my compliments..

Beta supplication 101. Do you buy her flowers often?

I know i camt use this as an excuse but i fcked up telling her

"I know I can't use it as an excuse but I use it as an excuse, check this out: "

Oh, man, good, good shit, really.

At the moment she understand and is all sweet but tje next moment she can blow up if i (for example forget something at the grocery store) and then the WHOLE story gets brought up about me lying about her weight and how shes not the one for me.

Dude, fuck your childhood. Repeat after me: fuck your childhood, fuck my childhood, shit, even fuck stone's childhood. Fuck this shit.

I know she has daddy issues.

I love girls with daddy issues. Tattoos, multiple piercings, I love to have such woman by my side when I'm out in the town. I love to tell them "come for me, come for daddy" when I fuck them.

Shit, if you're bored of your old lady because of daddy issues, send her to me. I can handle that.

But fck this is hard. Its againdr my nature. Im used to stfu and do what was told.

Yea sigh. I know. And, like, it's our nature, right? I know you can't change your nature, right? It would be against the... the law of the unchangeable nature, right?

How do i become a real leader and earn her respect.

Fuck her respect. Repeat after me: fuck her respect.

I have read nmmng and that shit was soo meeee.

Re-read it.

I have still got a lot to learn and im so gratefull.

Good.

But i just wanted to share my feelings

Fuck your feelings.

since i cant and wont ever do it to any woman... ever again.

Good.

Excuse my fcktard story. Its all messy im sorry..

Shit, I already changed a few diapers this weekend, I can handle one more.

This post should be tagged victim puke.

DanceMonkeeDance · 2017-06-04T20:11:23+00:00

WISNIFG will give you your next steps after STFU. Keep at it, though. It takes time. She wants you to absolve her guilt over getting fat by taking the blame for not telling her she was fat. AA/AM that shit until she realizes how stupid it is.

number123356 · 2017-06-04T20:48:30+00:00

I am pretty new to mrp so if I am telling bullshit, please set me straight. Here is my view on things:

So you tell us that this is hard? Well we are all in the same shit like you are. We all know this shit is hard but we all see results when we stick to the plan.

Holly fuck would I love this shit to be easy. I would love to just slack away, get fat, never work hard and archive all I want from life plus the feeling that I deserved it.

This is not how its going to work. It is sweet, blood and tears till the end of you life. Its shit.

Now you will ask yourself, this can't be it, there has to be a way out, and you are right! I tell you: Own your shit! And now you ask again: How is this going to help. And I will tell you again: Owning your shit is changing shit form something that happens to you to something you can work with.

Ok lets get through the list:

So i straight up told her i wasnt a man enough to tell her that in our first year. Since that moment she has been throwing that shit in my face. It doesnt matter what i do it always end up with something like: 'you never loved me' 'why am i even trying? You think of me as a fat person'.

Shit test / comfort test - depends on the situation. What you can do here is Agree and Amplify: "Yeah I never loved you, this is why we have this beautiful daughter together." If you so like you can add an underhand compliment and tell her, that your daughter looks like her mother. But remember it's all in the delivery.

Other times you can just ignore this behavior.

At the moment she understand and is all sweet but tje next moment she can blow up if i (for example forget something at the grocery store) and then the WHOLE story gets brought up about me lying about her weight and how shes not the one for me.

This is normal. Seriously we've all been there. Just ignore.

But fck this is hard. Its againdr my nature. Im used to stfu and do what was told. Beaten and never to complain.

Ok don't get this false, STFU does not mean to take shit from everybody. It means not to DEER (Defend, Excuse, Explain, Rationalize). In time and with practice you will learn what to say. For starters: If she insults you in a way you find disrespectful you leave the house. Tell her, that you won't take this behavior.

How do i become a real leader and earn her respect.

This will take a while, read the sidebar, make a MAP, follow through on your Plans, be determent and you will become a respected Leader.

But i just wanted to share my feelings since i cant and wont ever do it to any woman... ever again.

You can share your feelings with your wife, but not just yet. First you have to harden up, then in the right situation and the right time, you can still show that you have a soft core, but only she has earned to see it, because she earned her place as your companion. Or you can have a female friend which to use as emotional dump - this is what girls do all the time, its called friendzone. But make sure you aren't the friendzoned orbiter, but her.

GargantuaBlarg29 · 2017-06-04T22:47:26+00:00

It's against my nature

Your nature is based on a fantasy view of how the world works. Read The Rational Male. Read WISNIFG. Realize that everyone out there is operating in such a way that they look out for them, and they dont give a fuck about you unless it also benefits them. You must adopt this same attitude. It must be your way or the highway. BUT, Don't go fucking rambo with it. Internalize first that everyone is operating for themselves. Build yourself up with lifting, dressing well, getting hobbies, and being the oak. Then, when you have that all under control, start to spread your field of influence slowly out to the people around you. You should be past the anger phase at this point. If your decisions act against what your wife, friends, others expect, it's because that's the way you want things to be...NOT because it'll get back at them.

88Will88 · 2017-06-05T06:47:33+00:00

You are saying you have a kind nature etc. and taking a lot of blame on yourself (which is fine, because you can only fix yourself, you cannot fix her), but you also need to know what you are dealing with. She is basically gaslighting you. She ate herself into a landwhale and she wants to blame you for it. She continues to bring it up as a pathetic way to shift the blame for her actions onto you. That is a cruel thing to do to someone and it represents the most degenerate manipulative tendencies of a woman. Apart from the self improvement you also need to give her some boundaries and teach her that her actions have consequences. Next time she brings up your failure to tell her she was fat you do exactly this:

You look her straight in the eye and say in the most calm and detached tone possible:

"look, I did not overeat, you did, it is not OK for you to blame me."

Then you maintain rock solid frame while she has a nuclear rage attack, or cries. You do not comfort her, you do not react to her emotions. You are the immovable rock upon which her emotions break. I repeat, you DO NOT COMFORT her or react to her bullshit, just keep a perfect calm demeanor and get on with whatever it is you were doing. If you do this correctly I would be surprised if she does not blow you within the next few hours, and it should also be the last time she ever tries that gaslighting shit on you again. Do not tolerate gaslighting, it is a disgusting and abhorrent trait and you need to make it very clear that shit will not fly.

thewholefnshow547 · 2017-06-05T13:15:44+00:00

The whole fat thing is a tricky subject. However, as the man, you need to set the fitness baseline for your relationship.

Did you just get back to going to the gym or have you always been going to the gym? That's the main difference. Are you a, well I am getting a bit of a belly, better go for a run, or I am trying to break 26 minutes on my 3mile course today? Its not a chore, its a lifestyle. Set the bar at never missing a workout. Working out is addictive, all you got to do is get her hooked. Be the role model for fitness in your family. Find a gym with a built in day care, go pay the Iron Price together. Buy some bikes, get one of those trailers for the kid. Get a running stroller (those fuckers suck by the way, they will kill your legs) go running together. Be active, be active together.
Gotta give her time to bounce back from the baby. Seems like yours is stalling a bit. I would go with positive reinforcement rather than "you're a fat pig." Maybe try "lets go for a walk/run/bikeride/play Frisbee -- anything active."
Get all of the garbage food out of your house. No chips, cookies or anything with empty calories (except beer! keep the beer!) No more eating out, everything is home cooked and healthful.
Don't punish her with less sex. Punish her with more sex!

Title	This shit is hard..
Author	AquitasVeritas
Upvotes	7
Comments	37
Date	June 4, 2017 7:57 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6f9e7o/this_shit_is_hard/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/this-shit-is-hard.206061 https://theredarchive.com/post/206061

Comments