What am I missing here?

hystericalbonding · 2017-11-01T16:48:39+00:00

You're a brooding, raging retard.

she's not telling me anything she didn't tell me earlier

Your resentment shines through. It's like when a woman yells at her husband about loading the dishwasher wrong. It's not about the dishwasher. You're enraged because she told a story that was more interesting to her than it was to you. This is all it takes to piss you off? Are you like this with everybody?

You do this:

As she's telling the story I'm disingaging

So she inevitably responds with this:

Until we get home she's on her phone and ignoring me

Her behavior is a reflection of yours.

She tries to get a response from me, something along lines of 'Can you believe it?' I look her in the eyes, hold and don't say anything.

That's not what STFU means, retard. If you had heard the story before, then you should have had plenty of time to come up with something witty, engaging, or interesting to say. But you didn't. You glared at her, enraged, and gave her the silent treatment like a bad girlfriend.

picked up our fried chicken

Nutrition fail.

in front of the TV

Social fail.

You communicated your disdain. You disengaged. To paraphrase Sun Tzu, you failed to leave her a golden bridge to retreat across. Solitude was preferable to watching TV with you. If she'd rather be alone than have you beside her while she watches TV, then interesting conversations and hot sex are obviously out of the question.

Me: 'If your ready to talk if you want to have a mature conversation'

I'd call this projection, but I don't think it is. You really have no idea that you were the immature one. You were a child having a tantrum, and you hold grudges like a teenage girl. That's how she sees you. It must be exhausting to parent her husband like that.

Let me know if you change your mind and decide you're not coming home

Intentional misunderstanding belongs in /r/TheBluePill. You were picking a fight because you were angry before she spoke.

While I'm doing laundry ('Her job') she asks me if I need help. I look her in the eyes, pause, say 'No' and continue working.

If you can't communicate your needs in an assertive way, then you won't get your needs met. I don't believe when you say that you've read WISNIFG. First of all, you get the sequence of letters wrong in your OYS post. Second, you haven't applied any of it other than "broken record."

How about, "Yeah, that'd be great - I have some other stuff to do."

You had an opportunity to lead by example. She offered to take over. You're supposed to say yes.

You're not assertive. You're passive aggressive.

My goals in the interaction was to get it accross to her that I don't like hearing the same story twice

So take the discussion a different direction. If you're a lazy conversationalist and always let her lead, then she will. So far you have shown no signs of having anything interesting or worthwhile to say.

mrpthrowa · 2017-11-01T18:12:10+00:00

You need to understand why women babble.

FORGET THE CONTENT.

Your woman is babbling you, and is repeating stories, not to inform your thick skill, or to delivery stories to you, or whatever.

She is doing this because this is how she feels she is looking up to you, how she is "connecting to you", how she is unloading on you, and is leaning on you to be her oak.

She feels anxious and nervous and wants some assurance.

man_in_the_world · 2017-11-01T17:19:16+00:00

TL;DR:

"I picked up my wife and asked about her day. To try to keep a conversation going and emotionally engage with my autistic self, she repeated with more detail and feelz some events she had already mentioned earlier. Even though I was driving and literally had nothing better to do than to engage with her, I got butthurt with resentment at her because I'm a spineless beta bitch who at other times that aren't convenient lets her rattle on. Because I'm a reactive beta bitch, I took out my resentment by giving her the passive-aggressive silent treatment, rather than lead the conversation in a different direction or tease her lightheartedly about repeating herself or turning the conversation with clever sexual innuendo or A&A or anything else that an alpha or even a non-autistic normal human being would do. Then she gets pissed at me for behaving like a 12-year-old girl and gives me the silent treatment back, and we alternate between that and pointless conversations and blaming each other and trying to make the other apologize so that I can add another pussy-catfight victory point to my Beta Bitch Wall of Shame, and this pathetic girly shit-show of my own creation goes on for more than a day.

Hey fellas, I think I did a good job of enforcing my boundaries. Did I miss anything important here?"

Everything, OP, you missed everything.

justpickanyusername · 2017-11-01T16:57:37+00:00

she = 46 times her = 36 times

You are all up in her frame. You had a big ordeal that you felt warranted telling the internet about when it was just her repeating a story? WTF?

bigOlBeta · 2017-11-01T19:34:46+00:00

Dude, I fumble with RP too but c’mon. If you reverse the roles this story makes much more sense

BluepillProfessor · 2017-11-01T16:14:07+00:00

she asks me if I need help.

This is close to an apology as most women can get. I would have taken it.

In the future, if you want an answer to a question, just ask the question and shut up.

A LOT wrong with this statement. Women don't want the answer to questions. They don't want solutions. They want to feel and sample their emotions like a buffet. They want to be able to whine, and bitch, and moan, and ramble pointlessly while their man remains strong and unaffected. Her reaction is hardly surprising. You have clearly showed her that you don't "get" women.

I 'change moods' a lot and accuses me of being bi-polar

We see this all the time. You are trying to condition your (emotional) availability to her with her (sexual) availability to you. This can come across as biopolar and even schizophrenic.

SLOW DOWN. You must be able to discipline her and right now she is the one spanking her little boy.

I'm divided on if what I did counts as DEER

No idea. Talking is not DEER- unless it is.

she gets pouty, puts the blame on me, and then acts generally bitchy for some time whenever I try to assert myself

So...a woman. When we say STFU we mean don't be fazed by her bitchy, pouty bullshit.

BobbyPeru · 2017-11-01T16:53:49+00:00

I couldn’t read past the part where you got all bitchy about her repeating a story.

Just tune it out.

[deleted] · 2017-11-01T17:12:45+00:00

Are we going to talk?

Oooooooooooh damn. Didn't need to read anything past this because that was the capstone to your entire episode of being an emotional whiney bitch.

Persaeus · 2017-11-01T17:37:55+00:00

i hope you take these comments to heart and understand what PRESENCE means to a woman. otherwise, your wife will getting herself and emotional AP very soon . . . if she doesn't already have one.

[deleted] · 2017-11-01T20:15:21+00:00

You need to understand that literally every single thing in this story that went wrong was your fault. Your hill to die on was your wife wanting to tell you about her day. Think about that.

Edit: So that you don't miss my point: You're really close to all of this having been an excellent time. You made one key mistake that you repeatedly doubled down on. Remove that mistake (and the particular attitude/insecurity that caused it), and you're in great shape.

zurgenfloggin · 2017-11-01T16:13:30+00:00

Seems from here that you are being moody, almost passive aggressive. Do you feel that way?

Address issues like this once and move on. Don't drag it out making her feel like "she's still in the dog house".

A long time ago I learned a good parenting principle: Don't blow your big ammo on small infractions. If you bring the hammer down and ground your kid for a 3 months, take his phone away for forgetting to take out the trash, what are you going to do when he runs away and gets stoned?

"(interrupting) hey...(pat her on the knee) honey, I just said you told me all of this. What else happened?"

Be steady and strong. If you lose interest in something she's saying just lose interest, get home, forget about it when you walk in the door.

DanceMonkeeDance · 2017-11-01T16:44:22+00:00

You're gonna (rightfully) get a lot of comments about being in her frame. In a practical sense, you need to be always gaming her. If you were the fun guy driving her home, you wouldn't have been upset by hearing a dumb story twice. Hearing dumb girl - talk is sometimes the price of admission for being a man in a relationship.

But ask yourself whether you can control a conversation in the real world if this FR is true. How could you have gently guided her down a different path? Consider it practice for gaming other women. Or don't and just lose your shit when a cute girl tells you her name for the second time.

red-sfpplus · 2017-11-01T16:27:59+00:00

Where did your wife go and spend the night at?

None of the other BS you posted matters to me. You acted passive agressive in the car. Next time, just AA and say "Hey, I know how this story goes..." spout out the punch line of the story and STFU.

And you asked your wife if she wanted to talk - you need to sidebar.

Where did she go and spend the night at? This is not normal behavior and is a red flag IMHO.

simbarlion · 2017-11-01T22:47:25+00:00

So you're burnt to a crisp here about how you handled this. I just want to know about the suss phone calls. Have you checked phone for number?

Sorry if I am repeating something from the original comments, I didn't read it.

red-sfpplus · 2017-11-01T16:08:58+00:00

Do you paragraph bro?

Title	What am I missing here?
Author	Progress_Set
Upvotes	1
Comments	50
Date	November 1, 2017 3:54 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7a4gov/what_am_i_missing_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/what-am-i-missing-here.205215 https://theredarchive.com/post/205215

Comments