Anyone else feeling burnt out?

lifeisweirdasfuck · 2018-11-30T08:42:22+00:00

That’s the trap most guys finish into. Me included. That’s the monk mode trap.

You are self-improving and (possibly) experiencing body dysmorphia and always feel like you are not enough.

Chances are you are not even TRYING to approach women, and so wrongly assume that you are not enough. You are probably expecting women to approach you, and when they don’t, you keep assuming your SMV is not high enough.

This is what I’ve been experiencing since when I went monk mode. Constant self-improvement with the end goal of getting women.

There are many wrong facets of this mindset. Firstly, you tell yourself you won’t approach women because you don’t have money yet or because you don’t look like a fitness model. This just leads to loneliness and a shitty life.

All you need to be is above average. Once you are, you must start approaching women.

You feel burnt out because you are not seeing results. Same thing happened to me. Let me ask you a question. Are you actually trying to game women?

Ohboohoolittlegirl · 2018-11-30T08:17:28+00:00

"dress better, posture improved, got bigger"

judges his improvement only by how others treat him. yeah, that's where you are wrong and where you will keep going wrong. Do not value yourself based on how people treat you, but on how valuable you are. If you are prone to search for validation, it doesn't matter how much you improved cause the mindset of validation seeking is off putting.

2stoned0jaguar9tre · 2018-11-30T06:21:45+00:00

Its not an overnight celebrity thing. Its a steady incremental thing over a lifetime/lifestyle thing. You have to get your money right which takes time and career focus. Thankfully you can improve ur physique now and that can change your life way sooner than the money part. Take breaks, relax, but never forget why you started. Remind yourself of the payoff when it comes.

inspiredshane · 2018-11-30T09:35:13+00:00

I have a theory.

Your mistake lies in the assumption that other people’s opinions or recognition of you matter more than your own.

You are therefore needy, because you can’t see the value in yourself, and you can’t validate yourself. You look to others to tell you this because you think that’s the only way it’s real. But the truth is that your value is real whether or not anyone notices or agrees with you. This is the nature of true self-worth.

You likely suffer from low self-esteem and are really hard on yourself in an unfair manner, and you’re afraid of failure and a bit of a perfectionist.

Am I close to correct?

58021 · 2018-11-30T09:48:25+00:00

You’re only 19. Only people younger than you are going to take you seriously. Keep it up and try to be a beast by 29

redhawkes · 2018-11-30T09:23:15+00:00

You'll fail as long as you depend on external validation. You can't think RP with bloop mindset.

FemtoG · 2018-11-30T08:51:43+00:00

its cause you didn't improve socially when in actuality social is 80% of the game.

how many new friends did you make? how many new girls did you meet?

or are you measuring your success on magnetically drawing them to you through your improved physique and more self controlled nature? thats wrong

IFuckingHateAllergy · 2018-11-30T08:03:55+00:00

Have you worked on your mental state yet?

5xEBITDA · 2018-11-30T09:42:06+00:00

If you're associating the 'reward' of self-improvement with 'getting laid' then you've got the wrong approach. There are many areas to life; your physical health, emotional health, finances, career/business and so forth. You should be developing a vision (big picture) and purpose (validating 'why') for each area of your life that you deem important (think of these as 'areas of life' or categories to improve in). Set monthly goals and plan each day out proactively.

Good work with the posture, upping your fashion and going to college thus far. Continually strive for improvement in all areas of life and remember, do it for you - not for women. Women will come and go, the only way to ensure you remain attractive to women (read within the top percentile of men within your demographic) is to continually improve yourself and strive for growth.

biitchling · 2018-11-30T06:34:59+00:00

Why are you in such a rush? These things take time.

What are you using as a measure of success from your improvements?

1NV0K3R · 2018-11-30T12:48:51+00:00

Can already tell you're not doing this for yourself, but for what it will get you with others.

That's not the mentality you need to be going with.

eazy_ · 2018-11-30T12:50:30+00:00

From what I read your life is better than it was a year ago. You made improvements in 4 areas. What reward were you expecting to see? Do you have goals? Are you making progress toward those goals?

Progress toward your goals is the reward.

cluelessguitarist · 2018-11-30T13:36:09+00:00

Focus in selfvalidation , you are your own source of happiness

darkwingduckdunn · 2018-11-30T06:28:48+00:00

Go out there and get it :)

2comment · 2018-11-30T08:02:35+00:00

Do you approach people? What's your goal?

OfficerWade · 2018-11-30T09:52:35+00:00

Yes. You workout in the gym for what 30-45 minutes on a good day? Think about how much time and effort it takes to get the food, sleep and overall rest before your next workout. This is how you should feel coming to this community. You can OVERDOSE on it if you’re not careful

RompeChocha · 2018-11-30T10:44:03+00:00

sonnydanger · 2018-11-30T13:00:24+00:00

If it was that easy, everyone would be doing it. It's a life long process, learn to enjoy the process cause once you reach your destination it might not seem that significant. Keep on going, you honestly can't expect pussy to be handed to you on a silver platter just cause you started to sort out your life in a year. Be realistic.

onepill_twopill · 2018-11-30T13:07:13+00:00

_lock_down_ · 2018-11-30T13:09:55+00:00

Give this a read.

ThreeEyez · 2018-11-30T14:45:25+00:00

Meditate and learn to accept and love your present self.

Velebit · 2018-11-30T14:52:15+00:00

Here is another guy similar issues and my reply to him. It probably applies to you also.

Head shape and face and big five are more impactful then gym and what you mentioned

htt ps://ww w.red dit. com/ r /ask trp/co m ments/a0bn58/my_overweight_friend_has_more_luck_with_women/eah9z64?utm_source=red dit-andro id

Remove spaces for link... the bott has gone crazy with removing links.

ChadTheWaiter100 · 2018-11-30T15:01:24+00:00

You can still fuck and get pussy now but you won’t really feel like a complete man until you graduate college and get a good job.

fixzzz123 · 2018-11-30T15:44:52+00:00

Self-improvement never ends my man

Flintblood · 2018-11-30T15:53:00+00:00

You are doing more than most people. That’s awesome. Now learn to do it just for you. Or keep working on improving yourself for your family if you have one that depends on you.

chim_city · 2018-11-30T16:00:43+00:00

Talk more to people. Get a people job, sales etc...

HumanSockPuppet · 2018-11-30T16:12:50+00:00

I will make this the subject of my next guide. This concern gets posted more often than any other, and in many different forms.

It's time these no-progress fallacies be squashed.

CaptainBW · 2018-11-30T17:33:02+00:00

As others have said, the self improvement/monk mode lends itself to a loop. You need to go out and do stuff. But if you're like me, you need to understand the underlying reasoning of things and you need to "feel" an "important" motivation for effort. When dudes around here talk about focus on your mission, the mission comes first then the bitches...it's true. You need to focus on your mission and actually write out your goals and what you want for yourself. Self improvement makes you healthy and keeps you alive longer, but self improvement itself is not a mission (unless you're in a real hole, which you thankfully are not).

MGRaiden97 · 2018-11-30T19:23:13+00:00

Ok you improved yourself, but did you improve your conversation skills? Vocabulary?

Being physically attractive is like 30% of the game when it comes to picking up a woman. They give less fucks about looks than you do

Jace910 · 2018-11-30T19:53:27+00:00

You mentioned youre in college? Its possible that youre in or about to hit Finals Time. Where quitting life and crying like a beta bitch is just about inevitable.

Good luck.

319Skew · 2018-11-30T19:57:09+00:00

Yep. I swallowed the pill after my divorce. I've been reading, self improving, and learning as much as I can for the past 1-2 years and have come a long way. Occasionally, I stumble and default to learned habits that I have to work on destroying and being mindful of.

I find that it's easier to just curl up and blame everyone else for my failing but harder to own it. This is making me feel like I'm constantly struggling and being aware of myself constantly feels tiring but it is what it is.

In nature, you'd be constantly trying to survive. There's no 'rest' period. You struggle to eat, find a place, compete for a mate, defend your property and your family. Once I internalized that, I realized that the inner child in me is what's holding onto the beauty of the lie and complaining about responsibility that's required with being a man. The man in me takes pride in accomplishments and overcoming obstacles and challenges.

That leaves interactions with women. It's just exhausting sometimes. There's just so much bullshit that they dish out and the return (aside from sex) is virtually not there. So sometimes I clear all my plates and just spend time with me. This makes me feel lonesome and I start a new roster of plates only to repeat the process a few months later.

Musicgoon · 2018-11-30T20:00:39+00:00

It sounds like your seeing improvements in your physical self, but you're not being honest about what you want...

If you want more muscle work out. If you want better health, change your eating and sleep habits. If you want more girls, work on your game and then go talk to them.

It sounds like you have a defeatist attitude. That won't get you any women. Did you expect women to swarm to you for having more muscles?

Sack up and start being social instead of passive aggressive..

HectoSexual · 2018-11-30T20:09:40+00:00

I’m big on the idea that “you get what you put your attention on”.

So you put your attention on self improvement, and you are improving. That’s good. But is it what you really want? Or are you self improving as a road to some other purpose?

Run towards that. That’s what will get you out of the burnout. You’re not pursuing your true purpose.

[deleted] · 2018-11-30T20:26:25+00:00

You're doing it for the wrong reasons. Improvement should be for yourself not for the approval of others.

Chasing after approval will burn you out. You must do the things that matter to you and not give a shit what others think about it.

swolingstoned · 2018-11-30T21:09:43+00:00

It's okay to transcend your past goals. To be more.

But it's stupid to waste your progress.

Do more, do less, switch things up. Self improvement isn't about sticking to a routine, it's about constantly keeping the challenge high, and overcoming it. The high comes from overcoming challenges, that's what you're missing, it's not pointless. You've just improved.

Don't you think there's room for more? IS THIS REALLY YOUR FINAL FORM?

TRP isn't a cheat sheet, it's not a prescription you take and boom. It's a begginers list, of things you're likely suffering from. Maybe you dress better, buy you always stink, maybe your face is shitty, maybe you need some specific questions about yourself answered, and you are not asking them.

Dig deeper, focus on your self worth and being the best you. Once you start believing it, other people will agree

Granite_Pill · 2018-12-01T03:13:45+00:00

I've been going to medical school for an entire year and I'm still not a doctor! What gives!?

trpboy123 · 2018-11-30T05:54:57+00:00

Yeah take a break mate. I am also going through that phase now. Just take a break from everything and start after sometime.

Wolveryn · 2018-11-30T08:46:53+00:00

Smoke a joint, go party, take MDMA

Title	Anyone else feeling burnt out?
Author	MG4L
Upvotes	66
Comments	64
Date	November 30, 2018 5:37 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/a1pm78/anyone_else_feeling_burnt_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anyone-else-feeling-burnt-out.54578 https://theredarchive.com/post/54578

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