Feel like a loser

Kodiak01 · 2021-03-31T14:28:07+00:00

My dad was abusive and I got picked on in school. I feel completely disconnected from people and just feel uncomfortable around others, I can’t shut my head up and I’m always worrying about shit. Mentally I just feel fucked.

An abusive parent will do this to a man. Mine did it to me, and it took years to even begin to unfuck myself mentally.

Counseling is what you need at this point to work through all the repressed anger and spite over what others have done to you.

ass-thetics · 2021-03-31T12:22:51+00:00

Your mindset is fucked. At least you can analyze your own problems. You know what's wrong - work on it. You sound like you have really bad depression. It's a tough thing to climb out of. I don't recommend meds at all. Work on your vices man. You seem like you're doing better than 99% of men out there just in general life choices. Realize that. It's your mind that's bringing you down. Wish you the best.

pyth0ns · 2021-03-31T14:16:02+00:00

If you’re on social media and watching those ‘popular’ people doing what they do, quit that immediately.

Switch your workouts to high intensity. Begin every workout with a Tabata sprint session (until failure) and then go lift with high intensity right after. This will not only help with your fitness, body, promoting testosterone and all that jazz, it will also help with your mind.

Continue to stimulate the mind with creativity (writing, playing or making music, learning things, etc)

Also ensure that your social needs are being met. Go out for beers with friends and enjoy yourself.

Keep a journal of times you felt like a loser or you digressed and document why this happened and what was the case.

Obviously going to take time, though you will see, look and feel much better

chefnoodler · 2021-03-31T12:12:09+00:00

Quit jerking off all the damn time. Anytime I start to feel myself slipping I'll just go a few days without porn or sex and I'm too horny to be sad/depressed. Great for the gym too. What is decent shape anyways, get in great shape and the girls will come out of the woodwork

zedpapa · 2021-03-31T14:32:24+00:00

Meditate, meditate, meditate. If you can, go to a 10 day Vipassana course and that will kickstart your practice, after that you can easily keep meditating one hour in the morning, one hour in the evening. I had similar problems when I was younger and meditation was the absolute most effective tool I used to get disciplined, clear my mind and feel better about myself. Once you reach the stage where you are comfortable with yourself and don't feel the need to impress others, your confidence will be a natural aphrodisiac for women.

Secret_Twitch · 2021-03-31T14:45:31+00:00

It sounds to me like you are suffering from depression. You should talk to a professional my friend.

Aside from that, the past is just a story you tell yourself. All you really have is right now, the future. Make a list of things you want to accomplish. Hint: Don't start with becoming a millionaire. Make the list of seemingly basic simple tasks that you can perform. Discipline yourself. Make a workout schedule and stick to it. Make a nutrition plan and stick to it. Stop looking at porn and jerking off.

The bottom line is that only you can climb out of this pit that you are in. Whether you were pushed into this pit by your life experiences or dug and digging yourself into it. Don't waste another day. You can do it.

CoachOcelot · 2021-03-31T16:41:38+00:00

I would recommend cognitive behavioural therapy. The thoughts you have are not your own as such. We internalise messages we receive repeatedly when we are young. If people constantly tell you you're the best thing since sliced bread, you internalise that (and that can be just as damaging to a person, eventually, when they realise they can't do everything and never live up to their own expectations). Likewise, if people tell you you're a piece of shit repeatedly, you internalise that in your younger years and that's the voice that plays whenever something doesn't go right.

Know that that is not your voice talking to you, and that you will have to work to hear your own actual voice, which should be balanced. Therapy should help with this and the compulsive behaviours and addictions. It's a process that requires concentrated effort over a period of time and is easier with professional help. I'd also recommend getting a male therapist if at all possible, and one who is at least old enough to be your father. You should understand why already if you're on this forum.

I had the opposite and was basically told I was the absolute best when I was a kid, so as I've grown up, even though, like you, I've become good at many things, I have to constantly temper my expectations of my own accomplishments. The idea is to balance every message you receive. If a message you receive is telling you you're fantastic, temper it. You have done something good, and that is a positive, but you're not fantastic by default. If a message you receive is telling you you're absolutely useless and inadequate, temper it. You might have fucked up, and that might be a negative or a loss, but you're not a piece of shit because of it, or by default. You are a human with an existence of duality. Both good and bad. Positive and negative. The aim is to do, and be, better than you were yesterday, and if that's the case, the incremental improvements will be great.

You're still very young, and from what you've told us here, I can already tell you you're well above average, at the very least. Most people don't put in half the effort you do, so use that as fuel to spur you onto your other goals.

Snowboard18 · 2021-03-31T17:35:18+00:00

I think it’s depression and possibly an anxiety disorder.

I personally have been diagnosed with both so I’ll try to help ya out my dog

First thing to realize is having depression/anxiety is no excuse to just give up on your goals and lay in bed not doing shit. You should still be working as hard as if you were feeling normal. You might be thinking that “this guy doesn’t understand, I have zero motivation to do it” I thought the same thing for a while, if I didn’t have motivation I wouldn’t do shit. That’s when I realized that DISCIPLINE is the only answer. Force yourself to do it and I guarantee you’ll be so glad you did.

Also, you called yourself a loser or you think your one, your not. Unless you keep calling yourself one then you’ll become a loser because that is what your mind is focused on.

And if you need time to fix your mental health, then go for it. There’s no rule that every guy here must be talking to 20 girls everyday.

awihsoj · 2021-03-31T13:08:09+00:00

Go on nofap monk mode

SuckOnMyCybercock · 2021-03-31T12:57:37+00:00

Cut the porn masturbation and you’ll start to feel better. If you have to, jerk off but don’t use porn. Eventually you’ll ween off and not feel like jerking off as much in general. You need to fill this time with other stuff you enjoy! What helps me most is if I do so much physical activity during the day that come evening, I just fall asleep instead of jerking off, since I’m exhausted at that point.

penguin4290 · 2021-03-31T12:35:04+00:00

You tell us all the non-loser things about your life then delve into your overwhelmingly loser thoughts. So this just tells me you think of yourself as a loser, and if you think of yourself as a loser how do you expect to ever win? The only loser thing about you in reality is your self image of yourself and the past trauma you are letting define your present state. You need to reframe your mindset about yourself, start with the excessive masturbation. Do you think a winner like yourself would fap all day?

drv12021 · 2021-03-31T15:17:44+00:00

You are still outcome dependent, man.

Do your best and forget the rest.

Murphy's law will come knocking on your door and all you can do is look back.

Never ever compare yourself to other people. Life isn't fair but you can keep improving.

Accept things as they are or live in a lie.

Wolfman596 · 2021-03-31T14:27:51+00:00

Honestly i feel you. I was in a very similar situation with you but you know what’s helping climb over this rut has been therapy and meds. With my porn addiction therapy has helped me confront my problem, and meds have stopped me from acting out and watching porn while fapping. I def recommend the therapy part and at least try that to solve the root of your trauma. The meds for me, I’m on a low dose of adderall and ssri’s. Also helped me stay consistent with diet and exercise too. I’ve lost 20 pounds so far since the end of January so exactly 2 months.

watching this YouTube channel to help fight porn addiction

rookieMale · 2021-03-31T15:34:46+00:00

Stopping porn and excessive mastrubation should be on a top priority. I don't give a fuck about about physical effects and anything else but it will definitely help straighten your mind.

balalasaurus · 2021-03-31T15:37:31+00:00

Read Running On Empty by Jonice Webb.

Rimefang · 2021-03-31T16:04:49+00:00

Face your fears and analyze your problems. Lay it to rest.

My father was the same way. He tried to train me into him and probably abused me(more than one way), but I suppressed a great amount of it. I remember some of it, but what I do remember is heartbreaking. I deal with it pretty well all things considered.

Another thing you have to understand is conditioned thinking. Everytime you're around him or think of him, you revert back to that same scared little boy mentally, and because it still eats you, you've never been able to move on. You have to understand you're not a helpless little boy anymore. Once you deal with it, I can assure things will get alot easier only if you have the will to try.

Break the cycle and fuckin deal with it or wallow in pity for the rest of your life. I care little for which you choose.

candleelit · 2021-03-31T20:38:12+00:00

Meditate. You will start to see the patterns that your mind works in and you will be able to overcome it by practicing mindfulness and being present in the current moment. It takes work.

ryanjoseph55 · 2021-03-31T20:46:35+00:00

The reliance on porn and masturbation is probably what’s getting to you. In my experience cutting that shit out really helped my mental health. If you really need to, at least cut it down a bit

cyyr · 2021-03-31T22:58:30+00:00

You’re story is the same as mine, even down to the body metrics. Regardless, nothing you mentioned are signs of being a loser. Stop reaching out for validation. Work hard until the wheels fall off and then do a little more. Pick up a hobby that’s not necessarily popular amongst people but that you think is fulfilling and work on it. Could be work related or not and give a fuck less about external deterrents like what people think. Become independent but at the same time become a people’s person in a way.

zombiecon146 · 2021-03-31T22:58:42+00:00

I hear you. Also cannot, for the life of me get my mind to shut the fuck up. Nights are the hardest. If I don't enter the morning with the most aggressively positive energy my whole day will be ruined. I won't bore you with details but you get it. I found your post relatable.

Listen. Your height, body, dick size, bank account.. none of it will help you feel okay. No matter how many girls you fuck. Certainly not how much alcohol or drugs you do. Trust me, you don't wana go down that road. Get to understand that what you are and what you have is enough. The voices will continue but we both just need to fight through them. Psychologists call it "catastrophisation". Turning every small discrepancy into it's absolute worst case scenario and repeating it in your head over and over and over. Take all your strengths and repeat them to yourself everyday, with a louder voice than the negatives ones.. Bless brother. I know we'll both make it out okay

AhuraMazda88 · 2021-03-31T23:22:49+00:00

First of all, stop touching your dick and watching porn. It fucks you up, so stop. We’re not going to give you accurate answers because of 1 post. We barely know you. Go to an actual therapist and tell them.As far as lifestyle and education, you're in good hands. Most people in U.S.A don't even have a degree about 65% of people don't have degrees. Now go and take initiative because too much Reddit and porn fucks you up. So seriously, get professional help.This sounds like clinical depression and should be taken with importance.

RomanH101 · 2021-04-01T02:15:21+00:00

https://youtu.be/L9AeCV1FxJI

Watch till the end. I hope it helps.

Charming_Profit3391 · 2021-04-01T02:41:47+00:00

First you gotta take control of your sexual energy. Self control here is priceless and you should start learning sexual transmutation and use it for creativity instead of wasting it on women you'll never start a family with. Your mental health can change a lot just from that. Then I'd say get into the gym, workout, get better sleep, meditate and just focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Life gets better when you start taking action in a way that shows commitment to yourself and your future in congruence with your true self instead of doing shit for other peoples approval and things like that. Hope that helps my man

tetrachromancy · 2021-04-01T04:36:29+00:00

This is all from your early childhood trauma.

You should find a good therapist and work on building your self esteem and confidence. I highly recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Research it!

thecarryone · 2021-04-01T11:30:44+00:00

Real sorry to hear that man, no parent should do that to a kid. Depression is no joke. Seek professional help.

Wish you the best brother.

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2021-04-01T12:10:55+00:00

That which a man thinketh, so shall he be.

If YOU think like a loser, you'll project "loser" to everyone you come across, it'll be in your body language, your mannerisms, your verbals...EVERYTHING.

2021-04-03T00:48:56+00:00

[deleted]

thotinator69 · 2021-03-31T17:06:36+00:00

Go to therapy. Don’t take the pill route.

teramelosiscool · 2021-03-31T15:17:45+00:00

semen retention --- if your college has free therapy it couldn't hurt --- try to be aware of your mindset and focus on the good aspects of yourself

from the post it actually sounds like you have a lot going for you

Vareq · 2021-03-31T16:54:48+00:00

Accept that you have a porn and masturbation addiction and work on it. It will help so much.

throwawayok272728492 · 2021-03-31T19:32:15+00:00

Get your hormones checked, it could be something that is at suboptimal levels.

skai141 · 2021-03-31T20:39:32+00:00

Therapy bro

LaGardie · 2021-03-31T18:24:03+00:00

[deleted]

curvedbymykind · 2021-03-31T15:59:46+00:00

How many girls have you slept with

Masterdoubt360 · 2021-03-31T22:46:38+00:00

Find God pussy, you actually have friends, practice gratitude.

Title	Feel like a loser
Author	TonyWorship
Upvotes	78
Comments	63
Date	March 31, 2021 11:40 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/mh4923/feel_like_a_loser/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/feel-like-a-loser.766170 https://theredarchive.com/post/766170

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