First Approach

mathmanguy · 2019-05-10T19:52:55+00:00

Master the IDGAF mindset and just have a blast talking to women no matter the outcome of the situation is. Don’t think of it as a job, that’s how you avoid being outcome dependent. You’re exhausted and overwhelmed because you’re insecure about how you look when you’re talking to these women and it’s taking a toll on your approach. Just have fun!

SkorchZang · 2019-05-10T20:07:58+00:00

It's exhausting because it took a lot out of you to do. You burned a ton of energy doing it. It's not just you, almost every man goes through this, assuming you're not some golden boy natural with women.

A significant part of why it's so exhausting has to do with the naive way you're currently approaching this. As you keep at it, try to inject more sarcasm/humour into your routine, more irreverence - i.e. don't be formally thanking a girl for her time or backtracking the moment she says "I havea boyfriend", you'll pick up on how common that BS is. First of all, her friend is smiling because no she doesn't have a BF. Second, why would you care if she does have a BF? Tell her, " I hope he's not the jealous type then!" and keep the laughs & banter going. Girls live for this shit, so you're making her day. Assume the sale more, play with it and the girl's predictable expectations/responses, instead of calmly putting your head on her chopping block and handing her the axe (this only seems natural to do because of blue pill brainwashing you went through, in reality girls are not conquered by obedience and formalism, they respond to playfulness, male fullness and irreverence). This deftness is ironically what clues the girl in that you're a guy worth knowing, even if she didn't like you outright when she first saw you.

Don't give up, future attempts will slowly become less exhausting.

FREECRACK6 · 2019-05-10T21:00:45+00:00

God, some of these replies are retarded. It’s hard because you didn’t warm up to it/ practice before. I remember I started daygaming seriously like a year ago, I think it was rsdtod’s program that had exercises of walking up to people and asking for the time, then for train info, then ask them to help you with something, and moving up gradually. Cmon you wanna get into daygaming by literally doing the hardest thing first. It’s like if you tried playing a pro football game For your first time. There is something to be said about putting yourself in the worst case scenario tho and how benefiting that is. Instead of trying to go straight daygame girls, go talk to everybody without any outcome in mind, trust me this makes the process 10000x easier, combine that with having fun and people start vieweing you like a social god.

Also if you can record yourself with earphones to re-listen to the interactions m, if you can record yourself to analyse your body language even better

Sylvester_Sterone · 2019-05-10T21:07:03+00:00

Remember it's all just practice.

Are you feeling intense physical symptoms of approach anxiety? Similar to giving a public speech?

When I stated the approach women everyday routine I took propranolol to stop the jitters. This stops the physical symptoms.

Don_Draper27 · 2019-05-10T19:32:03+00:00

It sounds like you have a weak frame, low confidence, low self respect, etc.

Your frame and confidence should be built up first before you set your goals outward towards getting positive reactions from other people.

If you're gassing out from 1 approach then you need to stop. Energy is not unlimited. Mental or physical.

If you're using all your energy on 1 approach that lasts a few seconds then what energy do you have left for the gym? For your career / purpose? For your other skills in life?

boom_bostic · 2019-05-11T00:17:00+00:00

Stop masturbating. Sounds too good to be true, huh? Every time you release that load — you lose out on natural hormones that give you a drive to accomplish things in life.

_-resonance-_ · 2019-05-10T22:07:13+00:00

It’s taking so much energy cause you’re thinking so much about it. Keep doing it though. I’m at a point where I basically open anyone in my path that strikes my fancy, but I still mess up and analyze afterward.

For example, I approached an HB9 and realized (later) that I messed up by telling her, after asking “How many boyfriends do you have?” that I wanted her number 5 spot, after she said she had 5 but just lost the 5th. Realized, she was actually kidding cause later in our talk she mentioned what was obviously her ex-bf, so I messed up by supplicating for her hypothetical “5th spot” in her rotation. I should have indicated I’ll accept no less than #1, or joked that I only date women with 3 boyfriends or less.

The banter was strong all the way through, and she gave me her number and Snapchat, but it’ll be near impossible to get her chasing me after I made it clear I’d be happy at the bottom of her hypothetical roster.

My point in sharing this is that even as you gain experience in opening and approaching, there is still room for improvement. Just keep doing what you’re doing and enjoy the process. Remember, they are everywhere, and you don’t (IMO) need to make a point to go out and game... just live your life and open whoever naturally crosses your path.

escapethesolarsystem · 2019-05-10T22:15:11+00:00

The truth is, like any skill / challenge, in order to master it you have to do it thousands of times. If you want to get over your nervousness, you have to keep doing it until you're not.

Now, I might get a lot of shit for this on TRP, but you don't have to cold approach women. There are plenty of other ways to pick up women without cold approaching (just like, for example, you don't have to cold call to sell a product, there are lots of ways to do it that often have much higher rates of success). For me, I just strike up conversations with people (both men and women) in social situations where it's normal to do so. For example, at parties I always circle the room and talk to everyone, each for a short period of time. For me to shoot the shit with a woman or a man doesn't make much difference. The women I have good conversations with I just stay connected to (go back and talk to them later, get their info, etc) and push them along until I get what I want.

That being said, if you want to master the skill, practice, practice, practice. After a while, the level of nervousness will get low enough that you'll be far more in control of the situation. From what you explain, your experience and feelings afterwards are totally and 100% normal for someone trying practice a high-stress skill for the first time. There is nothing wrong with you.

As for the IDGAF attitude, after you do it for a while, this attitude will start to develop on it's own. Think of those circus tight-rope walkers. Do you think they weren't nervous as hell the first time they tried it? What about the 1000th time? I bet the jitters were a lot less - and they are thinking "NBD, I do this all this time". Same for cold approaches. After the 100th time you'll start thinking "NBD, I do this all the time, it doesn't really matter what this particular girl does or says."

Emerald__Faith · 2019-05-10T22:43:06+00:00

This is an example

You're a fat guy who just ran his first lap of an oval. Now you're exhausted and not wanting to do that again. However, You force yourself to do it again tomorrow anyway.

1 month later and that same single lap of an oval is too easy, you're not even challenged... You didnt even break a sweat.

This is you and everything you could be. Practice makes perfect, Just do it.

FightForYourWay · 2019-05-11T00:52:26+00:00

U/Freecrack6 is 100% right. Forget all the the shit everyone else told you.

The reason it drained you is because you have no confidence in your communication skills. You were so pumped with adrenaline you don’t even remember the conversation..

You need to gain confidence speaking to people. Do exactly what freecrack6 said. Start saying hi to people when entering an elevator; ask people for train/transit directions... convince your mind that you will not die if you speak to strangers or even get them to do shit for you. If you work your way up and you will naturally have conversations with anyone... this is the only way to be “YOU”

Schwastikov · 2019-05-11T01:31:18+00:00

"It's not my personality, it's not the way I dress, it's not the way I smell or how I brush my hair. It's my looks and the fact i'm a beta for missing out on social interactions as a child which something I can fix."

Yeah that last part. I'm right there with you bro. It's a modern disease that doesn't get much sympathy. This shit wouldn't have happened 200 years ago unless your family got stuck living in the wrong side of a mountain or something.

My therapist is currently having me do an easier version of your 100 approaches. Mine is 7 approaches a week, but instead of trying to connect with girls on a sexual level, I'm just trying to connect with humans on a human level. I didn't even know what it felt like to feel the girl as a friendly entity of the same species instead of the scary gatekeeper whose mere presence wirelessly alters my brain chemicals without my consent. I haven't felt it much yet, but when I do it's amazing and worth every second of agonizing awkwardness. Maybe start with something like that instead until you get comfortable with it? For me the progress is just now starting to build up after about a month of half assing it. I related so much when you mention driving to the mall to approach a single girl. Same here but I drive to the park instead. I wish you the best of luck mathmanguy!

tylerpkeaton · 2019-05-11T02:26:55+00:00

Like anything else in life, the first time you do something your body freaks out. Whether it’s driving a car, skating, or even walking. When you took your first steps you probably fell. Now you walk and it’s second nature to you.

The more you approach girls the less stressful it will become. Once your brain realizes that you didn’t die because of taking this risk, it will begin to learn the new skill like any other without much anxiety behind it.

dadfrombrad · 2019-05-11T08:17:17+00:00

Oxytocin nasal spray 5m before.. even if you have asd you will be able to approach

marcon1259 · 2019-05-11T08:29:07+00:00

It's scary at first. It gets easier. Remember every approach is a success even if you get rejected, because you had the balls to do it. And it's all a numbers game. Eventually an approach will end in pussy.

deathbya1000cocks · 2019-05-11T11:49:58+00:00

Don't thank a girl for her time. Work on your purpose and become someone who believes that his time is worth a lot.

Title	First Approach
Author	mathmanguy
Upvotes	73
Comments	51
Date	May 10, 2019 6:44 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bn22r5/first_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/first-approach.237939 https://theredarchive.com/post/237939

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