No social life/skills. Where do I start?

MattyAnon · 2019-08-02T13:25:03+00:00

My mother kept me in her bubble early in my adolescence (until I turned 16) and I became so shy and unconfident.

Yes, but you're a man now. This means accepting your own life and taking responsibility for yourself.

What happened happened, but now it's down to you to fix it. No more blaming others.

I would spend my days on my computer playing videogames, masturbating to porn and sometimes researching about why I felt so shy/lonely/tired/lifeless.

This is because you're not actually doing anything.

You think it works like this:

shy => therefore doing nothing.

What's really happening is:

doing nothing => therefore shy.

Start doing things. Good work on the gym, now get out there and do other things. Activities, social things, group things. Find something you like and do it. If you can't find something you want to do, literally do anything. There's a million groups you can join that are based around an activity. Go do some of them.

'm still that guy though. Shy, little to no friends, quiet in social situations, lifeless, no ambition/drive. I spend most of my time on screens and it's very difficult for me to change that.

DO MORE THINGS

I don't know how to make friends. When I'm around others I just don't have anything to say. I don't go out often and when I do, I just can't have fun. I've never been able to make friends or fit in a group.

DO MORE THINGS.

It's not about being less shy or being less scared or being more motivated or watching less porn.

It's about doing things. By doing things, even something as dumb as joining a tightrope firestick juggling you will be on the path you should be on.

You'll suck, you'll make enemies, you'll make friends, you'll burn yourself and you'll fall (literally if the firestick tightrope thing). And you'll grow and you'll be in a position where your problems start to fix themselves.

Your basic problem is that life is so easy that you can do nothing. If you had to kill a lion to eat tonight, you'd have a much more interesting life.

You have to do that for yourself though, because you can eat and you're safe and warm. So go out there and do something.

owtaa · 2019-08-02T12:38:06+00:00

First tead the How to Get Laid Like a Warlord thread.

The basic concepts of that and other threads:

You are enough and that's enough. Don't go in with some shitty fake alpha frame. Your frame is, "I'm a man, that's enough for women to sleep with me if I don't fuck it up". Don't worry too much about your shitty upbringing and never qualify yourself to men or women. If you're awkward, notice it, fix it, and move on.
Shit tests are good and women aren't looking for perfect. If people shit test you, men or women, it's qualification. Read his thread for advice on passing shit tests. Enjoy the tension of getting tested and then fucking hot girls once your frame is strong enough. No one will fault you for failing a couple. Never qualify yourself if you fail. Just notice, fix, move on.
Focus on exercise, academics, and getting a job. Not only is this way more important for your life than becoming a super pussy slayer, it will help you get laid. You'll meet a guy in college who already has it figured out and you'll know immediately. He's a nice dude, always works out, never ever talks about his sex life, runs a bunch of student organizations, and occasionally you'll catch women leaving his room, probably once or twice a month.

hiem3w · 2019-08-02T10:40:02+00:00

Stop watching porn

For me, it was easier to make friends when I was doing things and going out because I had things to talk about in a conversation.

Try new foods, routes to work, books, shows, video games, places to eat, events at your uni, clubs you can join, classes to take, go to an arcade, or rock climbing, or an art gallery, check out local music, learn how to cook, just do new things.

The easier places for me to make friends was at work and in uni. Sit in new spots in class, try and have a conversation to hang out sometime.

And accept that you’re gonna fuck up. Not everyone’s going to like you or want to hang out. You’re probably not going to be 100% off porn when you want to. These are all gradual changes.

FereallyRed · 2019-08-02T11:39:58+00:00

You're made being a boring fuck into your identity.

Damn. You're 21. A child. You've done nothing with your life, so of course nothing appeals to you.

You don't know what you like because you've never tried anything.

Go explore the world. Try some hobbies. Do something weird. Eat jellyfish at a Dim Sum place. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Fly a kite in a park. Join a coed volleyball league. Find your local Fight Club. Go to a club and hit on the freakiest girl there. Rent a Lambo for a day. Get a part time job as a bouncer. Go hiking with a meetup group.

There's an entire world out there and you're hermitcrabbing it.

That's pathetic.

Definition of insanity. Pull the pin on your life. Why you waiting?

Elnarior · 2019-08-02T16:49:02+00:00

I’m 22 and i’ve been in your situation(Been gaming,less friends,porn addict etc etc)so i’m going to give you some advices

You see you can’t change anything instantly in life,you’ve got to work it hard til you make it.

1)Cut porn,don’t instantly stop fapping just try to do less and less with time.From once a day try doing it twice a week and then once a week

2)Try to socialize with people,if you socialize enough you’ll socialize even more.How?Well even the stupidest approaches work

for example:

You’re working out and a guy is weightlifting with bad form,you could approach him and inform him about his stance or way he’s working out and there you can start a conversation or even become friends.Simple and effective

You can even socialize just by saying hi to someone(if you know how to lead the conversation)

i for an example became friends with a guy just by approaching him and giving my hand at the uni and saying “my name’s philip”.Since then we’ve become great friends

3)don’t give a fuck.Maintain your frame and never give a simple fuck in anything,with that mindset nothing can break you

4)have a hobby.TRP really hates videogames and call it beta shit,to be frank if you can cut too much videogames and accompany it with other hobbies like reading books,studying astronomy etc etc you’re good to go

5)People love hearing your passion about your hobby(especially woman).If your hobby is all about something interesting like astronomy or history people would love to hear about them(people love useful and interesting information)

6)Improvise adapt overcome.Life is all about challenges so try to overcome those challenges.I personally self challenge myself for example previous year on January i challenged myself to do cold showers everyday for the rest of the year,which i personally did it and it felt good big physically and mentally and since then i’ve been doing cold showers even in the cold winters.

7)Be good looking:

Yeah be good looking,maintain frame,smile a lot(not forced),laugh a lot and enjoy other peoples company.Life is too short to start contemplating life choices and depression and shit.

plus:The things the top commentators said.

Hope i’ve helped you even a little bit

comu_nacho · 2019-08-02T14:47:36+00:00

Learn to dance. Lock yourself in your room and follow youtube tutorials, 20 min a day, a few months. You'll become more close with your body. A lot of people live in their heads, and become neurotic.

Join a sports club/dojo. You'll find people with some shared interest, and by pure exposure you'll find at least acquaintances, at best a friend. Go to the gym to bulk up if you can, but I think socialization is more important now.

TheFastCat · 2019-08-02T12:34:06+00:00

Make something. Create something - whether it's with your hands, written, coded, art, photography, a Facebook Group, a garden, a new recipe that interests you. Make something.

After that, make something else.

Join a couple of random meetups. You will meet dozens of other people like you battling ennui. That will help normalize the process of self-actualization in your mind.

create routines that help you grow. The gym is good - now up the regularity and intensity to spur additional growth. Get your diet in line as a multiplier. Start learning or practicing a second language on duo lingo. It makes it easy to do that every day for ten minutes. effortless growth.

Figure out a way to make some additional money. Even if you already have a job. Look for gigs on Craigslist or facebook for half day jobs that pay cash. It will move you out of your comfort zone and give you real life experience points.

Read a non-fiction book that appeals to you. Explore goodreads.com until something grabs your attention. Find it in your local library so that you don't have to buy it.

these are just a couple of thoughts I could write pages. The crux of your situation is that you are in a stagnant rutt. The good news is that your inner psyche recognizes it and is screaming for a change, and also action. This is a tremendous blessing, especially at age 21. Focus on that cry and feed it until it decides what it is hungry for -- companionship? challenge? belonging? exploration? acceptance? transition?. Your job right now is to introduce it to as many flavors as possible to help it figure that out.

the13thmonk · 2019-08-02T15:52:24+00:00

Similar younger years. Similar background.

"I don't know how to make friends. When I'm around others I just don't have anything to say. I don't go out often and when I do, I just can't have fun. I've never been able to make friends or fit in a group."

First don't define having fun by being with others. Be able to have fun on your own. You may not always be able to. But for now with no social skills it's what your stuck with until you can learn to interact.

Which leads to -> start learning how to socially interact. This is going to take some time. Maybe a few years. But go study people who are socially adept. Practice mimicking. Then practice your skills. I made it a habit during college to talk to at least one new person a day. Maybe someone in the elevator or a lunch hall etc. Some were okay talking. Some said 2-3 words. But you learn a lot.

There are other strategies to do this, and as always FerreallyRed is spitting some good advice

"Go explore the world. Try some hobbies. Do something weird. Eat jellyfish at a Dim Sum place. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Fly a kite in a park. Join a coed volleyball league. Find your local Fight Club. Go to a club and hit on the freakiest girl there. Rent a Lambo for a day. Get a part time job as a bouncer. Go hiking with a meetup group."

It's going to take some time to change. Don't be hard on yourself. Embrace it. Understand that you're working for a better tomorrow. Keep pushing

Immuchtooawesome · 2019-08-02T15:11:04+00:00

Meetup.com and social clubs on campus.

Read philosophy to develop your own weltanschauung to find others with similar views. This is the easiest way to make friends.

frankgold · 2019-08-02T17:10:51+00:00

TRP sidebar.

Also, get a life. Learn a new language. Pick up a musical instrument and learn how to play it. Practice singing or dancing. Study humor and jokes. Learn to code. Get fit and strong. Eat healthy. Start an online business. Maybe as simple as a free blog or youtube channel.

Just be passionate about something. Or maybe a handful of things. And then socialize around that. You go to the gym? Cool. See who regularly lifts weights when you are at the gym, be gym buddies with that guy. Learn a language? See if you can find local meetups and language exchanges. Practice playing guitar? See other people playing guitar. Practice humor? See local standup comedy clubs who give anyone free 2-minutes on the stage.

McVaghunter · 2019-08-02T11:17:05+00:00

21yo shy and unconfident
been going to the gym since I was 14

no fucking way a man who spent all these years lifting is still unconfident

acp_rdit · 2019-08-02T12:48:28+00:00

Get a public facing job

Darth_Zerker · 2019-08-02T14:32:11+00:00

Honestly, I recommend enlisting in the Army; that'll expose you to a wide variety of people, which can help with your social skills.

For resources on social skill theory, I recommend 'The Power of Meeting New People' by Debra Fine, as well as 'Captivate' by Vanessa Van Edwards, and 'The Definitive Book of Body Language' by Allan and Barbara Pease.

jjj2576 · 2019-08-02T15:41:46+00:00

How far in the sidebar are you?

_Tactleneck_ · 2019-08-02T16:11:29+00:00

For me, I read no more mr nice guy twice and a lot clicked. You have a right to happiness and fulfillment. I journaled a lot to get my thoughts, pains, fears, goals, etc out in the open. Then built plans around how to change the life I had into the life I wanted. Just make a little progress each day. I’ve been unplugged for 4-5 years and eventually you won’t need to check in here or as questions all the time. But for now, focus on where you want to go next, try shit, fail at it, laugh and try again. It’ll be weird and awkward and painful, but it’ll be worth it.

XXXMersenne · 2019-08-02T11:01:51+00:00

NoFap, Watch old school RSD, Go out on Uni nights and have sex with girls.

BeppeGrillo666 · 2019-08-02T18:36:35+00:00

I disagree with people who say to you to doing more things/having hobbies. "Normal people" don't need hobbies to make friends. If you're naturally sociable, friends come without doing barely nothing. School/work/uni are more than enough.

You can't hardly change how you are, try to like yourself more.

Pay an Escort if you're a virgin, it's the best way to stop watching porn compulsively.

adamxchris · 2019-08-02T18:50:17+00:00

I Remember when i discovered Redpill back then i was miserable,depressed,ugly, kinda FAT,had severe social anxiety( i was even scared of cashiers) but since i discovered the Redpill i found out that my life is a crap but reading thousands of posts here they gave me Hope for better life,the transformations,the truths,lifehacks, now i AM about to turn 19 in october, so in 2+ years i have changed my life forever, at beggining i wanted to know how to have girlfriend, but finally i inderstood that girls will come, trust me on this one, do not focus on getting girlfriend, focus on fuxking yourself because if u wont You will be miserable for rest of the life, many people on Redpill think,And they will tell You IT is all about pussy,for god sake, trust me IT isn't worth anything, right now focus on Your look,(IT will boost Your confidence as hell) focus on how to talk to people,i know IT is very hard to start,when i was starting cold approaching i was thinking (what will she,he(they) think of me?) And You know what? They just do not fucking care, they do not care about Your past, They wont remember that shitty first approach You make I went to gym,focused on clothes,care of Your skin,Your hair, focus on fucking vitamins,diet,exercise that shit will boost Your testosterone thru the fckin roof Do not know how to gain social skills? Ask yourself a question, what would You use IT for ? Get promotion? Get pussy? Get fucking friends? There You go, now You have Your answers just approach as many people as possibile And do not put so much pressure on yourself,focus on body language,get muscle,boost Your testosterone, life on Redpill is fucking easy, You just have to know how to filter the shot people are sometimes posting here, REDPILL was never about women, life is not about women, do not worry about rejection And if You will work Your ass off on improving yourself, Guys will want You to be their leader And you will be the one who will reject the pussies And shitty friends, Conclusion? Here You go! Read the fucking sidebar again,done? Do IT again because i think You didnt? Make yourself a PRIZE, hard work=easy life Easy work=hard life If You want Ask question pm me, just go and fucking do something

SalporinRP · 2019-08-02T21:01:56+00:00

Join clubs dude. Easiest way to break out of your shell and it will force you to socialize.

Coumadin12 · 2019-08-02T22:31:09+00:00

As someone who has also struggled with social anxiety, depression, and self-esteem, I can relate to much of what you have said. I, too, also found solace in lifting weights regularly and quickly realized it drastically improved many other areas of my life, both physically and mentally/ socially. I ended up going TOO extreme with it, though, looking back on it, and from age 19-25 made bodybuilding my main focus in life. I don't regret having done it and learned much about myself during that time, but I do feel I wan't balanced nor at peace/ fully comfortable with myself, despite looking "amazing" to your average person. I was still searching. At 33 now, TRP and elements of stocism and Buddhism have put me on, what I feel to be, a much better path, for what that is worth. I still struggle with social anxiety and confidence issues/ asserting myself when I should, but I am much, much more at ease in my own skin, so to speak.

One strategy that I have been using the past couple of years and have found to help me to become more comfortable/ extroverted (when it benefits me to be so) is by listening to podcasts MUCH more frequently that I had previously. I have about 8 main ones that I 'rotate' through and covering multiple subjects of interest. For example, on my commute to work, I'll put on one. On my lunch, put on a different one, then on my way home put on another different one. While making dinner, again, put on a 4th. While showering/ grooming, a 5th. At the gym, a 6th, etc. etc. You get the idea. Most of them involve more than one individual talking so they are usually discussions between 3+ people. I've noticed that by hearing so many different yet somewhat familiar voices pretty much on the daily that I've grown WAY more at-ease when hearing actual peoples voices or when engaging in conversations of my own. It feels more second nature and I am less critical of myself in what I say or would usually overthink on. I hope some of that makes sense. Good luck man. Lots of good advice here in the other comments.

RedPillAlphaBigCock · 2019-08-02T23:26:16+00:00

join a hobby

redpill_scientist92 · 2019-08-03T01:29:01+00:00

Start working out and going outside, don’t be a fucking vampire. Give up video games and quit wacking off. Go into monk mode for a couple months. Start going to bars by yourself.

When you’re feeling a little more comfortable but want to do something crazy go to an electronic or funktronica or jam band show and try to find some molly or ecstasy. Take a tiny bit and see how you feel. If you feel good in an hour take a tiny bit more. Don’t over do it and don’t re dose after the 2nd time.

This isn’t the most redpilled advice but it works and it changed my life. Be careful and test your shit, don’t get stuck in your head too much and more than anything have a good time.

ManOfTheTimes · 2019-08-03T13:56:38+00:00

You may want to dig into the sidebar a little more deeply. At this point in your life, you want to be working extremely hard at building wealth and setting tangible goals to achieve that wealth. You should be thinking about developing sales skills, real estate ownership, and fall back/transferable skills such as computer programming or cloud-related. I wouldn't invest much time at all into heavy socializing until you are wealthy. The (older) Wall Street Playboys material is very good for outlining a successful life track.

I'm older but I still have several goals (missions) that I target at any one time. Here are a couple: 1) I want to lead my recreational hockey league in scoring so I have to make clear and trackable improvements in power skating, stickhandling, shooting and fitness. 2) I want to be able to work remotely from South America so I have to modify my skillset from data center-centric to cloud-centric IT skills. 3) I want to look extremely handsome so I had to dial up my fashion/appearance game.

ixyfang · 2019-08-03T22:32:48+00:00

Find a doctor, PA, NP that specializes in Testosterone Replacement Treatment (TRT). Get your Testosterone and estrogen levels checked. Your age and activity levels do not matter. Just do it.
Research L-Tyrosine, Citocoline and SAM-e. They can help fix your Dopamine system.
Weights are good but they do not satisfy the primal need for combat. Weights are not a threat. Find a school that teaches Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Go there and talk to the instructor. Take a class and sign up. BJJ will change your life. Don’t wait to get in shape for BJJ. There is no such thing. Body builders come in and are exhausted because BJJ is the only way to get in shape for BJJ. You will find a brotherhood that will give solid advice about anything.
Check out YouTuber ‘Charisma on Command’. He gives clear concrete examples of what to do in different social situations.
Find the film Swingers (1996) and watch it every day for 1 week. It was written and stars Jon Favreau - Happy from Iron Man. It is about a guy trying to figure out how to be cool around girls and get over his last relationship. It is a cult classic for very good reasons.

Title	No social life/skills. Where do I start?
Author	imnadd
Upvotes	86
Comments	50
Date	August 2, 2019 10:27 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/cl2bmu/no_social_lifeskills_where_do_i_start/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/no-social-lifeskills-where-do-i-start.249585 https://theredarchive.com/post/249585

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