When you improve yourself so much, do your standards get unrealistically high?

boywonder200 · 2019-12-08T22:43:07+00:00

My standards have risen somewhat as I improve myself. What has changed is how much effort I'm willing to put in for someone on the low end of my standards.

Can't be half-assed to help carry the convo with me? Next. Don't get my humor right off the bat? Next. Don't get sarcasm? Hard next.

dingleburry_joe · 2019-12-08T21:44:07+00:00

Welcome to the red pill. There are no unicorns. At best your gonna find a girl who will look up to you and exhibit the traits who desire in a woman. Until that time spin plates and have fun doing the work

Kad1ja · 2019-12-08T21:33:27+00:00

For me it did just that.

Never settle for less.

INNASKILLZ2K18 · 2019-12-08T23:45:28+00:00

So you're expecting girls to behave like a high value man?

11-Eleven-11 · 2019-12-09T03:32:38+00:00

Kind of yeah. I took a look at my oneitis from 3 years ago recently after 3 years of self improvement because I heard she was getting married and I was shocked at how average looking she was. I thought she was an 8 or a 9 but she was barely a 7.

IceBear---69 · 2019-12-08T21:53:25+00:00

Of course. As I improve myself and get older/wiser, my standards do indeed become higher. Turning 30 in a month and still only pursue girls 18-20. Moved and started college again in a more conservative area than where I was previously. From what I've experienced....the state still won't matter, it's more Urban vs Rural IMO in terms of getting someone to have kids with. The chicks I see are young, religious & conservative "appearing" but AWALT and everything else we've learned here is still in effect. In a way, I think they're even worse than the run of the mill Thot because they try much harder to put up certain appearances.

I learned so much this semester and all it's done is cement the idea that I need to marry someone 18-19, who puts God first, wants to be a MOM above a career (good luck), who is the closest thing to a virgin possible....since getting a real one is unlikely.

Had a plate that I was vetting and checked just about all the boxes you could think of. She was pushing the "what are we" talk....but after asking the right questions, i found we could never work. I would never commit to any girl who thinks it's ok to spend time with another male alone (i.e study partner) while in a relationship. She remains a plate.

Most people tell me I'm insane for having such "unrealistic" standards. But I'd feel worse down the road if I did not stand up for what I want. Keep strong dude and enforce your standards ruthlessly.

We_Broke_Up · 2019-12-08T23:45:49+00:00

Before: Not too long ago I was 260 pounds and was okay with losing a bit of weight by eating less, so I could be around 220-230. I was okay with settling for some ugly fat chick and have sex once in a while here or there. I also didn't know what was attractive in girls and guys. I just followed what people said. At my peak shape, I'm an average looking dude, so when I was fat, it was way below average. I straight up looked like a potato. I also had high prescription glasses that made my eyes look minuscule. I let my hair grow into an afro, I didn't groom my beard, and I wore REALLY loose and dark-colored clothing, always with sweatpants. I had no social skills and isolated myself to novels and school, and never went to class. I had some hobbies, but wasn't motivated to do much about them. I barely even left home. I would jack off 24/7 and had barely any sex drive too. Basically asexual. And I was deluded out of my mind because I was away from society and always thinking. I'd also never approach chicks or anyone else in general.

After: That was just about a year ago. I'm 178 pounds now, I'm getting more and more lean and dealing with my BF, I have MUCH better fashion sense and barely spend much money on clothes. I instead buy what represents me, while still giving off a mature look. I wear contacts now and putting shit in my eye doesn't phase me anymore, which is what was always stopping me from wearing them in the past. I know what makes both men and women attractive and now have a better idea of what an attractive woman is. Before, I didn't know the difference between a 6 and a 9 in looks. I was that oblivious. I know how to trim my beard to look nice for my average face, and I also cut my hair in a way to deal with my bigger hairline and that fits with my face. I have a better idea of my purpose and am slowly starting to work towards it (still a work in progress to be disciplined with it). I socialize way more than before, I can hold eye contact for the most part, I can make conversation, and I can hold my own in terms of assertiveness, boundaries, and frame. I also give off confident body language. But, I've only managed to approach two chicks so far this semester which is trash, something to definitely work on. Especially as someone average looking who's better 1-on-1 than in social circles.

Where does that leave me? My SMV has increased probably by 2-3 points easily, but nothing's changed much in terms of what I can pull. In fact, I still haven't pulled anything lmao. I know that I should be able to have much higher standards now in terms of looks, personality, and self-respect, but because I haven't approached pretty much at all, standards don't matter because there's no pool to choose from. Even if I know I should be able to pull 5-6s who actually have a personality with no issues, and I have the self-respect to have that standard, they don't matter without having first created options for one's self.

TL;DR My SMV increased a fuck ton, but because I haven't approached, even if my standards increased it doesn't matter, and doesn't make me come off as more "outcome independent". If I still had my shit SMV, I could have still had high standards if I played the numbers game. Sure, it would be harder to meet those standards and it would take more approaching, but I'd still be able to pull, and go beyond my standards even, once in a while. So if I could recommend something, you don't technically need to lower your standards, you just need to approach more.

dr_warlock · 2019-12-09T04:43:47+00:00

The more attractive a woman is, the more specialized her role. The hottest women are for sex, babies, and eye candy. Not much else. That was their genetic destination at birth. She was never meant to be anything else. As you go down the attractiveness totem pole in a female population, their genetic role expands to encompass non-sexual utility. Then at the bottom, they become specialized again, serving as pure non-sexual utility except creating more bottom people to serve everyone else (FYI this is not the same for males) .

Given that men here want the most attractive female possible, they need come to terms with this. Stop expecting them to 'expand their role'. They aren't meant for that. You're looking at her with disgust because you holding her to an unrealistic, UNNATURAL standard. You must provide these extras yourself or find it from other sources.

loox1490 · 2019-12-09T01:36:48+00:00

I mean kind of. Idk. I’m in and will be for life the top 20% of income earners for life. And still feel like a peasant

rizzyfromthe9 · 2019-12-09T01:57:23+00:00

I’m never satisfied, which has its pros and cons

But I’m never bored

Casanova-Quinn · 2019-12-09T03:20:10+00:00

You're standards do raise, but here's the thing. You need to think that "I'm better than her" even with a high quality woman. Why? A woman wants a man who is "better" than her. She won't be attracted or will lose attraction if she thinks she's better than you. Here's Patrice O'Neal with more.

jenovajunkie · 2019-12-09T06:38:12+00:00

It's not that your standards become higher, you just don't hang around people who bring you back down.

I mean every guy is different, but if you don't want people to waste your time and try and make you feel shitty about yourself, why entertain their company?

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-12-09T00:42:51+00:00

Only unrealistic if you can’t get those women brother

Will say when you reach a certain level it takes a lot for a woman to impress you. So much so to the point that those women hardly exist

Keep climbing

TheeSakred · 2019-12-09T01:07:06+00:00

When you improve your value, you will attract better. I can say when you get to a certain level, you become a rare breed, but other hight value people will notice you in a world of people that are all what you are describing.

It’s not a bad thing to expect from others what you provide. Never settle for less.

__TheDon__ · 2019-12-09T01:51:06+00:00

100%

thrwy75479 · 2019-12-09T02:54:27+00:00

I feel like no girl will ever live up to the same standards I hold for myself

Depends on what you're looking for. You just want a ONS, or you're looking for a fling, or a fuck buddy, or an LTR, or a wife. The criteria would be different for each.

For an LTR, or a wife, you're settling one way or another because when you're exclusive with them, you're not fucking other girls who may be younger, or hotter.

Life is finite (for now), and time is undefeated.

fretty555 · 2019-12-09T04:42:40+00:00

No woman will ever match the standard you hold yourself up to. Its just the way it is for a male human specimen. It can't help but be that way if you're trying to get into the pants of the highest quality woman. Now as for Queen Elizabeth, that's a true challenge.

peacemakerzzz · 2019-12-09T05:44:25+00:00

Whenever I see myself improve, I always see myself get trapped in the decadence of complacency. I’m still trying to figure out how to beat this cycle.

BurnoTaurus · 2019-12-09T13:09:08+00:00

No fucking shit they do.

I grow better marijuana than any dealer or dispensary I can purchase from. guess who's weed I dont smoke? Anyone but mine and a few close grower friends who also know whats up.

ThirtyLimes · 2019-12-09T15:09:35+00:00

I feel like no girl will ever live up to the same standards I hold for myself

Yep, don't expect them to.

Find a girl who looks up to you because you have those qualities, and then take her along for the ride. Get her into the gym and train her. Instead of sitting home eating ice cream and watching movies together every night, tell her that you're staying in and working on a hobby project, and encourage her to work on her hobbies too (don't literally order her to be productive, but be interested and encouraging when she brings up projects she wants to work on, or things she wants to learn). Etc...

You said that you're turned off by personality deficits in women. Stop looking at their personalities at all to begin with. Filter for basic mental stability and make sure she's not literally mentally ill. Beyond that, youth and beauty is pretty much the only thing you should care about. The other stuff you should expect to have to mold as you go.

Kabuki431 · 2019-12-09T17:12:16+00:00

Yeah man i have started to eye those miss universe contestants lol

Don_Draper27 · 2019-12-09T17:31:12+00:00

This can be a problem if you're actively looking for an LTR but IMO you should never be looking for an LTR.

To have any hope of having a fruitful committed relationship your partner would have to constantly prove herself to you over the course of many months for you to start considering being exclusive with her. She has to convince you.

Anything below this is only useful as a plate at best and even with your plates you need to have standards.

urhen1110101lls · 2019-12-09T18:19:11+00:00

I definitely have the same problem. My standards have risen to the point where my game is basically zero because I'm not interested or put way too little effort into most girls and the ones I am interested in are "out of my league".

It's a problem when I have moments where I convince myself that It's not worth it because I start self sabotaging with things like binge eating and shit like that but like everyone I'm just here to look for answers regardless.

Just never compromise your standards and if, like me you do have 'low' moments try drag through them

sherlock98 · 2019-12-11T11:33:03+00:00

This post is enough to diagnose autism

Title	When you improve yourself so much, do your standards get unrealistically high?
Author	h0ud
Upvotes	117
Comments	60
Date	December 8, 2019 9:14 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e7zkzw/when_you_improve_yourself_so_much_do_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/when-you-improve-yourself-so-much-do-your.298389 https://theredarchive.com/post/298389

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