23 y/o guy and haven't really had a girlfriend before

kromak · 2011-04-25T00:45:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

skyshock · 2011-04-25T00:52:39+00:00

Right now I'm just sort of coasting and waiting for the right girl to come along.

there's your problem right there. don't wait for the girl to come to you, get out there and find her.

philosarapter · 2011-04-25T14:08:23+00:00

One thing I think it would be beneficial for you to understand is: Attraction should never be a confession. It should never something you hide away and let fester, it should be expressed, open and honest. Above all things, women love passion and they seek this in men.

If you attracted to someone, talk to them, flirt with them, try to get to know them. Don't shy away or hide from it. Women want to feel special, they want a man to find them so attractive they would shout it from the top of the mountain tops if they could. They don't want to be an embarassing fact that you never tell anyone. They don't want to be the moped that you ride but would never tell your friends about. They want to be held in high regard, to be respected.

"I normally never have the confidence to go up and approach a woman I don't know, but there is something special about you, I just had to come say hello."

So when you see that cute girl on the bus, go talk to her, you should never be ashamed of following your dreams and desires in life. Because who knows, this innocent chat may lead to a life-changing romance that alters everything from that point forward. But you never know until you actually take that step. And whats the worst that could happen? She gives you a weird look and you never see her again? Small price to pay, if you ask me.

Somewhere along the line of your social development, you learned that being attracted to someone is something you should be ashamed of, something that you should keep a secret. You need to unlearn that and start being more honest with yourself and your emotions.

If you want to have sex with a girl, don't mask it and approach them under the guise you want to be their 'best friend', this is underhanded and at some point in the future you are going to try to 'flip the switch' and reveal your true intentions, causing a whole lot of hurt and frustration when it comes crashing down on you. If you want to have sex with a girl (as in you find her sexually attractive), then approach her with this in mind.

If the girl isn't interested, then fine, you just saved yourself a whole lot of time. (Going the friendship route here would have ended in the same conclusion but after months of emotional investment.) If she is interested, then she'll show her attraction in return.

So when you are attracted to a girl, let her know and let her know in a way that isn't so barbaric as simply saying so. You're a clever guy I'm sure, find a way to show her how you feel, demonstrate your passion and creativity. The more thought and humor you put into the seduction, the better your success rate will be.

RedShirtedAss · 2011-04-25T02:00:46+00:00

Here's the issue. First off,

"Right now I'm just sort of coasting and waiting for the right girl to come along."

and then, right in the next sentence

"From your perspective, what could I be doing differently..."

you contradict yourself. Being patient and coasting along is one thing if you're happy about it, but obviously you're not content if you're asking what you could be doing differently about it. Just go out there and talk to girls.

You sound like you're worried about looking desperate, hence the "coasting and waiting" to seem like you're not. My attitude is, don't give a fuck about looking desperate, because chances are is that if you don't care how others perceive you, you're not gonna look desperate at all. More like a guy that's interested in meeting girls and is open to relationships.

If I misinterpreted what you're thinking then let me know, I'm just assuming and going off how I felt at this stage. But yeah just go talk to that girl, cause even that guy dating that hot blonde chick has been turned down several times. Going 1-100 is still better than 0-0 in my book.

szukai · 2011-04-25T02:08:23+00:00

How well do you know the women around you in your life? Or girls?

PUA/Seduction is for people who want to know them better (to put it in a more classy manner).

PUA logic would say: This girl could be the girl of your dreams, or she might not. You and her could have a blast, for 1 night, or 5 months, or 15 years.

However, you're not going to get to know her if you don't approach her, talk to her, and run "game" on her. Oh, yea. You still don't know who "her" is, so you'll just have to run game on every other girl that catches your eye. Because quite frankly, the odds are she's also waiting for you, so one of you has to make the move (and it's you, because you're the guy here).

SynthemescTheX · 2011-04-25T04:14:49+00:00

Confucius say: Talk, don't type.

danxmason · 2011-04-25T04:24:22+00:00

If you have to do things differently to get a girlfriend, then you're going to attract the wrong girl. Having a GF that is wrong for you is much worse than being single.

Vurv · 2011-04-25T02:35:31+00:00

Holy crap. I think I'm the OP!

High school through my first 2 years of college, I was desperate, needy, and clingy. Then I gradually got in shape, become more confident, and now all my lady friends tell me "I can't believe you don't have a girlfriend!"

My response "I don't want one". I've lived all my life forever alone, now I'm going to live forever alone on my terms, and if I have to break a few hearts doing it, I'm ok with that.

DockD · 2011-04-25T03:35:10+00:00

Are your parents divorced? If so at what age?

goofproofacorn · 2011-04-25T03:35:56+00:00

You sound exactly like me. Had a gf in high school really liked her but i was AFC. She dumped me on prom night and havent had a gf or date since, it was 4 years ago, still a virgin etc. I'd be interested in how you change your situation.

sometimesauce · 2011-04-25T05:21:26+00:00

I don't mean to be "that guy", but shouldn't this be in AskSeddit?

digitalxn3 · 2011-04-25T05:47:43+00:00

Read a god damn book.

2011-04-25T11:30:24+00:00

Right now I'm just sort of coasting and waiting for the right girl to come along. From your perspective, what could I be doing differently, or is it best to just be patient and wait?

Man. That was me. Don't coast and wait. Trust me. Sure, I got laid every once and a while while I was passive, but I did not stumble upon "the right girl". I had to take what I could get.

You don't have to be a master pick up artist sleeping with a different girl every night. You can just be a social guy that meets a lot of women and knows how to treat them properly. I highly recommend that you put a reasonable amount of effort into meeting and attracting women.

chL41 · 2011-04-25T03:42:04+00:00

Everyone telling you to act, hit on all girls (seduce) and meet them to learn about them is right. You don't learn about them the first night, that's when you make contact. Then you go for drinks alone and get to know them. And at some point one of them will be one of one.

Title	23 y/o guy and haven't really had a girlfriend before
Author	gkoms85
Upvotes	28
Comments	39
Date	April 25, 2011 12:24 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/gwm9p/23_yo_guy_and_havent_really_had_a_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/23-yo-guy-and-havent-really-had-a-girlfriend.1297670 https://theredarchive.com/post/1297670

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