I'll start with, forgive me. I'm drinking at 8 am. Still up, not just woke up. Don't worry, I do some of my best work drunk. Unlike the last, this one is pretty basic, yet it's something I see so many of you fucking up.

So, we have a new theme for this post!

How To Make Sure The People Around You Have Fucking Fun

To start off with, because I'm drunk and in a bragging mood, what are my credentials? My girlfriend is hot as shit, an awesome person, and she and I are talking to a couple about a foursome. When I say "talking to about" I mean "the couple just bought a strapon this week to use on my girlfriend."

How do you make this kind of shit happen to you (if you want it) or otherwise develop your ability to get what you want out of people?

First topic!

Giving people what they want

See, girls are people. Just like you are people. People want to have a good time. Don't you? I know I do.

I posted this because I saw a post about being "outcome dependent" and that really is a problem because when you're "outcome dependent" as termed in PUA lingo that means that you're a selfish motherfucker. Don't deny it, it's true. And you know what, it's ok to be selfish sometimes. I'm not saying it isn't. I'm not going to be having fun if I'm not having fun, you know? You don't want to be the guy who sacrifices himself in order that people around you are happy. Don't fucking do it unless you're dealing with close friends who will later do the same for you. That is not at all what this is about.

What this is about is learning to give a shit about others just a little bit while you're out for yourself. Placing others on an equal priority level. If you're having fun, so should other people. If others aren't having fun, you shouldn't be either, and you should solve that fucking problem ASAP

There are alot of ideas about "being alpha" thrown around. Some people are the kinds of people who can literally lead others to fun. Guess what? You don't even have to be the alpha or whatever of your group to do this. You do not have to directly lead others to fun, though being able to do that is definitely a great thing to be able to do.

But you know what? I'm not that kind of person myself. I'm not the idea man most of the time, I'm not the guy who says "let's do this" or "I bet we'd all love going out to do that." I'm the guy who enhances. I take what exists, and I make it better. And anyone can do that.

Every single fucking one of you can do that.

How, you ask?

Pay some fucking attention!

This is the first step to being a value adder person. Pay attention to the people around you. Ask some questions. Care about the answers. Seen my last post? What was the common theme?

Give a shit about the people around you.

When you are self focused and your entire night hinges around your own personal results it's hard to add value to your surroundings, unless you're just that kind of fun charismatic person who effortlessly inserts himself into social situations and creates an atmosphere that people will gravitate towards.

In short, unless you're the kind of person who's never going to end up on Seddit looking for advice. Sorry, that's just how it is, not everyone can be that guy. Again, I'm not. Granted, I'm not here asking for advice. That's cause I'm in my late 20s and I learned this shit other places before Seddit really existed. If I was 20, I'd probably be in here discussing things with you guys and asking questions.

You're here to ask questions. We of the internet should not be the only people you ask. In fact, if you ask more of us than you do of the people around you, you're fucking doing it wrong! You just forgot how to person.

Ask, assert, bring things up, pay attention to what other people say, and try in all situations to figure out how you can add something to the proceedings that other people want. To do that, you have to pay attention and you have to give a shit what people have to say.

Let's focus this. Girls. What do girls want? many of the same things you do. They want to have a fun night out. They want to go home happy whether or not they found a guy they want to take home. They want, in short, to feel like their night was not a waste no matter what happens.

You, good sir, can be the guy that helps that along. You don't have to be the focus. You don't have to give them the ideas of what to do. You just have to learn to care about the people around you enough even in a situation involving casual sex that you actively want the people you're with to have just as much fun as you do. And if fun isn't being had, try to find a way to fix that.

Figuring out what people want

I guess, maybe this isn't like the most basic shit. You've got to be able to communicate. To be a little funny, to put yourself out there.

That handled, your next step is twofold.

  • Ask what people want or listen when they say they want something.
  • Make some kind of fucking move to bring what people want from fantasy into reality.

Self development is key to this. You go to clubs where dancing happens alot? Learn to dance. Seriously. Be able to provide the girl you're interested in with fun via dancing which she obviously came to the dance club to do. You're at a bar full of pool tables? Learn how to play pool well enough to not embarass yourself by scratching every single time you strike the cue ball.

Do you have a skill? Go somewhere that skill is appreciated, where other people have fun employing that same skill that you happen to have. Do you not have a skill? What the hell, go fucking learn to do something before you try to go have fun with people.

And always, always, pay attention to your surroundings and the people who inhabit them. Some settings are more challenging than others, but the bottom line here is that you want to be able to figure out what people do to have fun where you're going to meet women and you want to be able to participate.

Be Enthusiastic

You know how I keep harping on giving a shit? It's not just an internal thing. It's expressed. You should smile when you're doing the shit you like. People should be able to see from across the fucking room that you're doing something you like.

Don't go to a pool hall and be all "I'm serious about this game, I'm concentrating really hard and trying to make sure I make the perfect shot, pool is really important to me because I'm awesome at it and I want to beat everyone there ever was at the table I rented for 9 bucks an hour!"

Don't be that serious jackass who, again, takes his fun at the expense of others. Be the guy who's laughing, who's having fun even if he's losing. Be the guy who has fun playing people who can kick his ass because he just enjoys playing pool.

Friends help with this. Wingman, group, whatever. People who you can focus on and ignore everyone else at times so that you're having a bunch of fucking fun doing whatever it is you're doing.

See, you want to give a shit that other people are having fun, but in order for people to think that they can have fun with you in the first place you have to show them that you're having fun, period.

PERIOD!

No matter the situation, you're having fun. If you're not having fun, do something else and have fun with that. Enjoy the activities, enjoy the conversations. Enjoy, enjoy, fucking enjoy your life just because you're out living it. People like to stop and smell the roses. Be a fucking rose. Be that enticing thing in their surroundings which beckons with promises of laughter and good times.

Be Fucking Positive Already, Jesus

I mean, negative can work. You're with a girl who likes to laugh at idiots, sure, laugh at idiots. Be positive towards her opinions and negative towards everyone else. Good way to build rapport with someone in the right circumstances.

But don't be unceasingly negative. Don't have nothing positive to add to the proceedings.

This can be as simple as focusing on the fun aspects of what's going on and showing them to others. Be humorous about what's going on, lighten up a tense or serious situation just a little bit, talk about the things that are good in your present or potential future surroundings. Someone is pissed about work, talk about how work is fucking over and now you can relax. Someone is blah about some random social situation, find some way to not let that be a downer.

To do this, you gotta pay attention, and you gotta find something about whatever is going on that you personally like. Sometimes people around you can't see the positive. Be that person who can find something positive (that you genuinely think is positive) in any situation and who can communicate or show that to others. I've done alot of tripping in my life. Love psychadelics. I'm a popular trip sitter. Why? Because people having bad trips can come to me and I can find some positive aspect to whatever crazy shit is running through their mind. I'm that kind of person.

I'm not that way by nature. I'm cynical as hell, generally. But I learned, I looked, and I figured out that even if I don't think there's anything good about something, someone somewhere can see something positive. I try to find that, from whatever perspective, and share it with others while enjoying it myself.

Take Seddit. I have alot of problems with perspectives here. Alot of misogyny. Alot of selfishness. And yet here I am, being positive. Because I can identify the root desire that people here want to improve. That people want to be better. Even if things can get fucked up at times, they get fucked up because people are here being open and honest about what they think and how they see the world and are asking others to help them figure out how to not be that person who is miserable.

Not being miserable is a good thing, and so here I post because I see that positive aspect to this community and it makes me want to help, to foster change and to help dudes figure out how to not be fucking miserable about their lives and the things they don't have that they wish they did.

Maybe that's a bit harsh, maybe some of you might take offense. If you do, you're fucking this lesson up. Look at the positive. I'm genuinely trying to help, and there might well be at least one person who reads this who thinks "holy fuck, I needed to read that" and who goes out and with a new perspective finds new success.

So be fucking positive. Just about everything in life has it's negative aspects. Potential fallout, obstacles, things that get in the way of having fun and enjoying what you're doing while you're doing it. If you focus on all that shit you can spend your life being miserable about everything around you and never be happy even though there are plenty of things around you to be happy about.

Try to ignore the negative, try to find some positive aspect to whatever your life is.

Last, we get to...

Figure your own self out, goddamn it!

How do you add positive things to a situation you genuinely hate?

You don't. It's really that simple.

Everyone has those situations. I hate country music. I fucking hate it. I live in the south and people here love it. Girls here go apeshit for country music. And I try to avoid it as much as possible. I don't go to bars which play lots of country music, I don't ever go within 10 miles of a concert involving country if I can avoid it. I was raised in a city and grew up on Snoop Dog and the Rolling Stones and even Blink 182. None of the radio stations anyone I knew liked played country.

So I try to stay away from it. I try to interact with people who are all about stuff that's not country. I find something else to do if God forbid somehow line dancing starts in my immediate proximity. And yes, that's happened, and it's a horrifying spectacle of southern terrible. Sorry if you like country, I hate it. I don't want to lose my dog, my house, my car, my family, and my girl before a song is over.

Be honest with yourself and find out if you like things, and when you don't find somewhere else to be or someone else to be around. Don't like pool? Go find a bar that has darts. Don't like the music in a club? Find a club with different music. Don't like the type of people in a place where you are, go find a place with a different type of people.

A big part of giving a shit is finding commonalities. You have to have something in common with whatever is going on in order to care about it. That's how people work, and faking it is akin to that self sacrificing nice guy who ends up doing shit he doesn't want to do hoping blindly that he gets a result that he can enjoy later.

Don't wait for later. Enjoy now. If you don't, find a new now.

There's nothing wrong with being picky, with having preferences, and with having things you like and things you do not like. Surround yourself with things you can actually be positive about. Things that you would enjoy alone in your own home.

Figure that out, and people will come. You will surround yourself with the like minded, you will show them that you like what you're doing, and you will add to their lives and their nights by helping them like it too.

After that all you have to do is flirt and not look like shit and women who want to fuck you will run into you at some point.

Once that happens all you have to do is not fuck it up by not reverting to that guy who can't think of anything except getting his dick wet.